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Relive History the Fun Way

Strange de Jim's Late-Night TV Zinger Collection

November 2006

The Daily Show called Kim Jong Il the "Nuke Kid on the Block."

Jon Stewart: "Bush at a press conference is like an 8-year-old who didn't read the book."

Steven Wright:
"24-hour banking? I don't have that kind of time.
Pulitzer Prize fighting
Mail-order bridesmaid
The Jehovah's Witness Protection Program
I think it's wrong that only one company makes Monopoly.
He has a trophy wife, but evidently it wasn't for first place.
Her father said, 'I want her home by 8:15.' I said, 'Middle of August? Great!'
I got a paper cut writing my suicide note. It was a start."

Craig Ferguson:
"Clam chowder is like fish latte."
"Country singer Keith Urban has checked into a 2-step program."

Dave Letterman:
"Tom and Katie are getting married in Italy at the Leaning Tower of Publicity."
"On Halloween my mom would send me out dressed as a tramp—high heels, fishnet stockings ..."

Borat on Letterman: "My wife is dead. High five!"

Dave Letterman: "A study shows that male testosterone has dropped 15% since the 1980s. Thanks a lot, Oprah!"

Conan O'Brien: "Neil Patrick Harris has come out as gay. So now his show has been changed from How I Met Your Mother to How I Met Your Father."

The Daily Show called Donald Rumsfeld a "Pentagoner."

Dave Letterman said Bush's conciliatory lunch with Nancy Pelosi didn't go well. She refused to pass anything he asked for. Dave also said Sean Jean wants to be the next James Bond. He's changed his name to Double O Diddy.

On Saturday Night Live Seth Meyers said, "Today was Veteran's Day, so that didn't affect anyone at the White House."

Jay Leno's "Headlines" had a grocery ad for "Hiney Bunches of Oats" and a classified ad, "For sale, 4 used sheep." Jay ourlined the new Catholic gay outreach: "If you reach, you're out." For his birthday Jay gave bandleader KevinEubanks a gift certificate to Bud Bong & Beyond.

Steven Colbert on Trent Lott's new position: "Minority Whip is a stepping stone to Grand Wizard."

David Letterman: "Emmett Smith won Dancing with the Stars. Did they even look at my audition tape?" Dave also reported, "Mickey Mouse turned 78 today. He lives in Laguna Beach with his longtime companion Mighty Mouse."

Jay Leno on a man arrested for having sex with a dead deer beside the road: "Police are calling him a John Doe. He was just rebelling against his wife who kept saying, 'No, deer.' He thought the deer had a nice rack."

Jimmy Kimmel: "More geeks were injured in the Play Station 3 riots than in all the light saber fights from Star Wars 1 - 6."

Ray Romano on Comic Relief: "I get sex about once every three months. We have sex, next day I file my estimated tax. Oral sex I renew my driver's license."

Jay Leno "Headlines:" Ad: "Is there a facelift in your future? Ask the gynecologist." Jay said Fox was replacing O.J.'s canceled show with "Michael Richards Salutes Kwanzaa."

Craig Ferguson on the three-minute kiss at the TomKat wedding: "We get it, Tom. You can kiss a girl. You're a great actor." Craig also said Michael Richards should sue himself for his racist diatribe at the comedy club: "It would be Kramer v. Kramer."

Me Reporting

Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column, 11/16/06: Quip show
Dear de Roberto,
My pal Brownstone says the Reverend Haggard scandal makes the Mark Foley incident seem like child's play.
Comedian Jim Norton: "I'm not gay. I'm not. I don't think you should judge a person on a few dozen incidents."
Conan O'Brien: "The reason the doctor sticks a finger in your butt is to see how gullible you are." Conan also says, "When Clay Aiken learned Neil Patrick Harris was gay he began furiously doogying his howser."
Jay Leno says gay partnerships are now legal in Mexico. "Or as they call it, Juan on Juan."
Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim

 

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From Wigfield, the Can-Do Town That Just May Not by Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello and Stephen Colbert:

Life partner du jour.

Stories began to spread like syphilis at summer camp.

They seem to have escaped with nothing more than everything they own.

Late-Night Host Products

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Strange Books


Exercises for opening your heart, lighting up your chakras or energy centers, and believing your dreams into reality.

Click for free text of Visioning.

 

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Can enemies become friends? Watch a blue-collar Catholic neighborhood peacefully add "World's Gay Capital" to its list of attractions.

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What's the secret of True Love, and does it really conquer all?Billions of Virgins in Ecstasy: The Memoirs of Strange de Jim, Ash-Kar Press 2007

 

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