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Relive History the Fun Way
Strange de Jim's Late-Night TV Zinger Collection
Jimmy Kimmel: "This month gay people in California will gain the power to make the biggest mistake of their lives."
Stephen Colbert: "College has all the discomforts of prison, without the lasting relationships."
Craig Ferguson on the 70s: "Remember disco balls? You got them from the polyester pants."
Dave Letterman on Father's Day: "As a gift for an older dad have you considered Barbara Walters?"
Joel McHale on The Soup: "The Brokeback Mountain opera will star two unknowns. One will be a tenor, and the other a catcher."
Larry the Cable Guy: "I lose twenty more pounds, and the wife will let me back on top. We had a big fight on Easter. I'd been holding my farts for Lent. My two-year-old daughter may grow up to be a Wal-Mart greeter. All she does is say hi and bye and crap her pants. My grandpa's been falling down. The doctor says when he walks he should tuck his testicles into his sox."
Jay Leno was happy to attend the marriage of the gay couple on his block. Both grooms wore white bridal gowns. "It's the first time I ever saw both parties to a wedding so excited." The night before, a fire engine roared up, and fifteen firemen ran into the couple's house. "Yeah, I decided to skip the bachelor party." "Someday gay wedding will be as common as Pam Anderson weddings." "I feel sorry for the women. Now in L.A. all the best men are married and gay."
Jon Stewart: "Our next story is about Barack Obama's vagina. The October surprise is in his pants." "Two women were married in California today. I don't know why God took it out on the Midwest." "I'm for gay marriage, but I worry about a child with two Jewish mothers." A story about Obama speaking in front of a banner that read "VIET NAM BLACK VETERANS ASSOCIATION" showed his head with just "NAM BLA."
Dave Letterman: "McCain is going after women over 60. Who does he think he is, Ashton Kutcher?"
Jay Leno's "Headlines" featured an ad for "Drive-thru colorectal screening."
Craig Ferguson: "Gay marriages started in California today. Congratulations to Mr. and Mr. Seacrest."
Conan O'Brien: "A new machine lets airport security see the size of your penis. There's nothing more flattering than being told, 'You'll have to check that.'"
Jimmy Kimmel: "Most protests have come from parents of gay people, who now have to shell out for expensive weddings."
Wanda Sykes to Jay Leno: "If you don't believe in same sex marriage, don't marry someone of the same sex."
Dave Letterman and Will Smith were pretending to be about to get married. Will: "You've never been to Moscow, have you? We should go on our honeymoon." Dave: "Okay, but I don't want to spend all the time at the hotel. I want to get out and see stuff." Will: "Once you go black, you'll never go back." Dave: "Going black is one thing, but this!"
Craig Ferguson (demonstrating): "Tennis is gay waving with equipment."
Dave Letterman: "For a while they thought it was a porno of Mini Me, but they've examined it more carefully, and the tape has been returned to Tom Cruise." To tourists in audience: "Have fun. Next month all the hookers will go to Minneapolis for the Republican National Convention. Sen. Larry Craig has already booked his airport restroom."
Jimmy Kimmel: "Bill Gates was asked to leave after they found a stupendous amount of porn on his office computer." Fred Willard on Jimmy Kimmel: "At the GLAAD Awards I saw a transvestite saying to her date, 'Does this dress make my penis look small?'"
Great art parodies found on neatorama.com: http://www.familygorilla.com/js_artparodies.html
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