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Relive History the Fun Way

Strange de Jim's Late-Night TV Zinger Collection

August 2006

[Prince split with his wife] Jay Leno: "Prince was seen removing his possessions from the house formerly known as his."

Jon Stewart on Fidel Castro: "I'm only in my 40s, but I'm wondering who will dance in the streets when I'm old and ill." Rob Corddrey: "Two more weeks and he would have gotten Communism to work."

Jon Stewart: "Mel Gibson checked into the Betty Ford Clinic for alcoholism and the Henry Ford Clinic for anti-Semitism."

Jay Leno: "Pam Anderson [who just married Kid Rock] differs from Michael Jackson in that he thinks marrying a kid rocks. ... Fidel transferred power to his brother Jeb Castro. ... the American Tour de France winner had more testosterone in him than could have been produced by his body. So does George Michael. ... The other members of 'N Sync say they knew Lance Bass was gay. He had an 'N Sync poster on his wall."

Craig Ferguson on Mel Gibson: "I haven't had so much fun since Cheney shot that lawyer."

Jay Leno: "Fidel Castro still wearing army fatigues is like Bill Clinton still wearing his wedding ring. ... The President had his annual physical. He's in excellent health from the neck down. ... Condi Rice is busy shuttling between Israel and Mel Gibson's house. Mel's arrest was featured on Goys Gone Wild. ... A man was arrested for being completely nude on the street, waving Old Glory. He also had an American flag."

Jimmy Kimmel on MTV turning 25: "MTV is now so old it's watching VH1."

Jay Leno: "Mel Gibson was arraigned for having an open container and a closed mind."

Conan O'Brien: "A woman actually called the police to complain that her husband wouldn't have sex with her. The police said, 'Sorry, Star Jones.'"

Joel McHale of The Soup (Friday, 10 p.m. on E!) had a bunch of good ones Aug. 4.

[Mel Gibson had been arrested for drunk driving and making anti-Semitic comments.] "Disney canceled their partnership with Mel Gibson on a Holocaust film due to a disagreement over whether there should be a laugh track."

[The president of Lindsay Lohan's studio sent her a nasty letter]. "That letter leaked like a mother of triplets breast feeding."

At the wedding of Kid Rock and Pam Anderson, instead of a bouquet the bridesmaids caught crabs.

Paul Mc Cartney complained that his wife Heather Mills had been rude to the staff. "To be fair, they did hide her leg on her."

"Mel Gibson's new movie is Jews on a Plane."

Bill Maher on Jay Leno about Mel Gibson: "If you're going to hate Jews and drive ..."

Conan O'Brien: "Paris Hilton says she's only had sex with two men in her whole life. All the other times it was three men."

Jason Jones on The Daily Show regarding President Bush reading The Stranger by Albert Camus while on vacation: "He's obsessing about ninth grade, because, well, he was popular back then."

David Letterman:
"Bush toured a motorcycle factory and mounted a Harley. The last President to mount a Hog was impeached."
"Pluto has lost its status as a planet, but says it'll run as an independent."
"Joan Rivers says she's going to do a gay version of The View. Isn't that Regis?"
Dave had snakes on a pizza delivered to newlyweds in the audience."

Conan O'Brien says he knows nothing about computers. "I have an abacus at home for watching porn."

Dave Letterman says, "Now Pluto is no longer a planet it will be mounted on a ring and given to Mrs. Kobe Bryant. It was just too small, which is the same excuse Paramount gave for firing Tom Cruise."

Jay Leno on tropical storm Ernesto says hurricanes with Spanish names have a better chance of making it into the country and that Pluto was actually banished from the planetary system for drinking and making anti-Semitic remarks. He showed a headline: "Premature Ejaculation Drug Waits in the Pipeline."

Dave Letterman said that on the Emmys Larry David wanted a tribute to the people who should have died this year.

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