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Relive History the Fun Way
Strange de Jim's Late-Night TV Zinger Collection
April 1: Dave Letterman: "Kathy Lee Gifford is coming back. The scary part is President Bush knew about it and didn't act."
April 7: Stephen Colbert: "Charlton Heston was like Reagan, if Reagan had been an actor."
14: Jay Leno Headlines: Menu: "Try out house gravy." Jay: "This guy was arrested
for selling fake Viagra, and now he's doing hard time."
Craig Ferguson: "Can you imagine balls flying at your head all the time? It's like a party at Elton John's house."
O n 30 Rock Tim Conway was an old-time NBC star. "I wandered the halls last night reminiscing, and didn't see another living soul, except one giant lesbian. Who is Conan O'Brien, and why is she so sad?" Liz Lemon: "If reality TV has taught us anything it's that you can't keep people without shame down."
April 15: Craig Ferguson: "This photographer took a photo of 2,000 nude people in Austria. Just what we need, more of those little Vienna sausages."
April 17: On Conan O'Brien, Martin Short: "I'm doing Atkins. Not the diet. His widow."
21: John Oliver on The Daily Show: "Britain was the first nation to burn
Catholics for fuel. They're a renewable resource."
Jay Leno Headlines: classified ad: "Back hole wanted for personal use." ad for cream: "Cools external vaginal bitching." Billy Crystal on Letterman: "We're Jews. Our Pope is the head of the Federal Reserve. Santa? Our guy who checked his list was Shindler."
April 22: John Waters on The Daily
Show: "Cry Baby is a very sexy musical for the whole family."
Fo r Earth Day Stephen Colbert made an "Earth Is Awesome" sign big enough to be read from outer space, with piles of burning tires.
April 24: Jay Leno: "If we'd lost
the Spanish American War the people in LA would be speaking Spanish today."
Co nan O'Brien: In California a female figure skater told police someone slipped a roofie into her drink. The only thing she's sure of is that it wasn't a male figure skater."
April 25: Jay Leno: "Naomi Campbell may be going bald because of a rare skin condition called karma."
April 28: On The Big Bang: "That time machine looks like something Elton John would ride through the Everglades."
29: Jon Stewart on religion's view of sex: "A man has a Godstick, and the woman
has a shame cave. "
Craig Ferguson on Annie Leibovitz shooting naked famous people, showing cover of Vanity Fair: "Here's Demi Moore, when she was pregnant with Ashton."
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Can enemies become friends? Watch a blue-collar Catholic neighborhood peacefully add "World's Gay Capital" to its list of attractions.
What's the secret of True Love, and does it really conquer all?B illions of Virgins in Ecstasy: The Memoirs of Strange de Jim, Ash-Kar Press 2007
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