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TO EARN MONEY WHILE SPREADING THE JOY OF TERRY PRATCHETT'S BOOKS SEE BOTTOM OF PAGE.
DISCWORLD NOVELS (Page prepared by Strange de Jim.)
(Page prepared by Strange de Jim.)
Although Granny Weatherwax was aware that somewhere under her complicated strata of vests and petticoats there was some skin, that didn't mean she approved of it.
"No one could say I'm the sort to take offense
at criticism," declared Granny Weatherwax.
"Not twice, anyway," said Nanny Ogg.
Cat singing consists of standing two inches in front of other cats and screaming at them until they give in.
Whenever I give someone a Terry Pratchett novel, the birthday person tends to read the whole series. Pratchett's novels, which are both hilarious and thought-provoking, have sold over 50,000,000 copies. The ones below are all about the Discworld, very much like Earth. Read any one, and you'll be hooked.
Here are the Discworld books in order, with a little of the blurbs (in italics) and a few quotes. They can be read in any order. My favorites are the witches. You might start with Wyrd Sisters.
||The Color of Magic
On a world supported on the back of a giant turtle (sex unknown), a gleeful, explosive, wickedly eccentric expedition sets out. There's an avaricious but inept wizard [Rincewind], a naive tourist [Twoflower] whose luggage moves on hundreds of dear little legs, dragons who only exist if you believe in them, and of course The Edge of the Planet ... How it all began.
Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant "idiot."
||The Light Fantastic
As it moves toward a seemingly inevitable collision with a malevolent red star, the Discworld has only one possible savior. Unfortunately, this happens to be the singularly inept and cowardly wizard called Rincewind, who was last seen falling off the edge of the world ...
"Do you think there's anything to eat in
He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.
The last thing the wizard Drum Billet
did, before Death laid a bony hand on his shoulder, was to pass on his
staff of power to the eighth son of an eighth son. Unfortunately for
his colleagues in the chauvinistic (not to say misogynistic) world of
magic, he failed to check on the newborn's sex ...
Although Granny Weatherwax was aware that
somewhere under her complicated strata of vests and petticoats there
was some skin, that didn't mean she approved of it.
Death comes to us all. When he came to Mort, he offered him a job. After being assured that being dead was not compulsory, Mort accepted. However, he soon found out that romantic longings did not mix easily with the responsibilities of being Death's apprentice ...
Death was standing behind a lectern, poring
over a map.
There was an eighth son of an eighth son. He was, naturally, a wizard. And there it should have ended. However (for reasons we'd better not go into), he had seven sons. And then he had an eighth son ... a wizard squared ... a source of magic ... a Sourcerer.
"Children are our hope for the future."
Witches are not by nature gregarious, and they certainly don't have leaders. Granny Weatherwax was the most highly regarded of the leaders they didn't have. But even she found that meddling in royal politics was a lot more difficult than certain playwrights would have you believe ...
(The dwarf playwright Hwel is leaving
actor-manager Vitoller's company.)
Being trained by the Assassins' Guild in
Ankh-Morpork did not fit Teppic for the task assigned to him by fate.
He inherited the throne of the desert kingdom of Djelibeybi rather
earlier than he expected (his father wasn't too happy about it either),
but that was only the beginning of his problems ...
This is where the dragons went. They lie
... not dead, not asleep, but ... dormant. And although the space they
occupy isn't like normal space, nevertheless they are packed in
tightly. They could put you in mind of a can of sardines, if you
thought sardines were huge and scaly. And presumably, somewhere there's
a key ...
Eric is the Discworld's demonology hacker. Pity he's not very good at it. All he wants is his three wishes granted. But instead of a tractable demon, he calls up Rincewind, probably the most incompetent wizard in the universe ...
Like all beekeepers, Death wore a veil. It wasn't that he had anything to sting, but sometimes a bee would get inside his skull and buzz around and give him a headache.
The alchemists of the Discworld have
discovered the magic of the silver screen. But what is the dark secret
of Holy Wood hill?
Inside every old person is a young person
wondering what happened.
Death is missing—presumed ... er ...
The ability of skinny old ladies to carry
huge loads is phenomenal. Studies have shown that an ant can carry one
hundred times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the
lifting power of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant
It seemed an easy job. After all, how
difficult could it be to make sure that a servant girl doesn't marry a
"When did you last have a bath, Esme?"
In the beginning was the Word. And the
Word was: "Hey, you!"
||Lords and Ladies
The Fairies are back—but this time they
don't just want your teeth ...
||Men at Arms
Be a MAN in the City Watch! The City
Watch needs MEN!"
Susan is Death's granddaughter who has
to face the new and addictive music that has entered the Discworld.
Mighty battles! Revolution! Death! War!
(and his sons Terror and Panic, and daughter Clancy). War (and Clancy)
are spreading throughout the ancient cities.
The Opera House, Ankh-Morpork
"It's too drafty on broomsticks this time
of year, Esme. The breeze gets into places I wouldn't dream of talking
||Feet of Clay
There's a werewolf with Pre-Lunar
Tension in Ankh-Morpork. And a dwarf with attitude and a golem who's
begun to think for itself.
It's the night before Hogwatch. And it's
Discworld goes to war, with armies of
sardines, warriors, fishermen, squid, and a least one very camp
||The Last Continent
It's the Discworld's last continent and
it's going to die in a few days, except ...
Mightily Oats has not picked a good time
to be a priest. He thought he'd come to Lancre for a simple ceremony.
Now he's caught up in a war between vampires and witches.
||The Fifth Elephant
Sam Vines is a man on the run. There are
werewolves on his trail. They're bright. They're fast. They're
werewolves—and they're catching up.
William de Worde is the accidental
editor of the Discworld's first newspaper. Now he must cope with the
traditional perils of a journalist's life—people who want him dead, a
recovering vampire with a suicidal fascination for flash photography,
some more people who want him dead in a different way, and, worst of
all, the man who keeps begging him to publish pictures of his
humorously shaped potatoes.
||Thief of Time
The construction of the world's first
truly accurate clock starts a race against, well, time for Lu-Tze and
his apprentice Lobsan Ludd. Because it will stop time. And that will
only be the start of everyone's problems.
||The Last Hero
Cohen the Barbarian is going on one
final quest. He's going to climb the highest mountain in the Discworld
and meet his gods. He doesn't like the way they let men grow old and
Commander Sam Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork
City Watch had it all. But now he's back in his own rough, tough past
without even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning
||The Amazing Maurice and His Educated
Maurice, s scuffy tomcat with an eye for
the main chance, has the perfect fiddle going. He has a stupid-looking
kid for a piper, and he has his own plague of rats—rats who are
strangely educated, so Maurice can no longer think of them as "lunch."
||The Wee Free Men
Tiffany Aching's little brother has been
stolen by the Queen of the Fairies (although Tiffany doesn't think this
is entirely a bad thing).
"If you believe in yourself and trust in
your dreams and follow your star ... you'll still get beaten by people
who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so
"The thing about witchcraft," said Mistress
Weatherwax, "is that it's not like school at all. First you get the
test, and then afterward you spend years finding out how you passed it.
It's a bit like life in that respect."
Polly Perks had to become a boy in a
hurry. Cutting off her hair and wearing trousers was easy. Learning to
fart and belch in public and walk like an ape took more time ...
It is an established fact that, despite
everything society can do, girls of seven are magnetically attracted to
the color pink.
||A Hat Full of Sky
Eleven-year-old Tiffany Aching wants to
be a real witch. But a real witch doesn't casually step out of her
body, leaving it empty. Tiffany does, and there's something just
waiting for a handy body to take over. Something ancient and horrible,
which can't die. Now Tiffany's got to learn to be a real witch really
quickly, with the help of arch-witch Mistress Weatherwax and the Nac
Mac Feegle ...
"Witches are all equal. We don't have
things like head witches. That's quite against the spirit of
Moist von Lipwig is a con artist ...
Koom Valley? That was where the trolls
ambushed the dwarfs, of the dwarfs ambushed the trolls. It was fat
away. It was a long time ago.
"Nobby is so used to women saying no when
he asks them out that he's not afraid of being blown out. So he asks
her, because he figures, why not? And she, who by now thinks there's
something wrong with her, is so grateful she says okay."
Tiffany Aching put one little foot
wrong, made one little mistake ...
Who would not wish to be the man in
charge of Ankh-Morpork's Royal Mint and the bank next door?
"I'm an Igor, thur. We don't athk
Mau is the only one left after a giant wave sweeps his island village away. But when much is taken, something is returned, and somewhere in the jungle Daphne, a girl from the other side of the globe, is the sole survivor of a ship destroyed by the same wave.
The book's title was The Mariners' Medical Companion ... aargh! An illustration that she really did not want to see; it was for those times when things were so bad that not even a surgeon could make them worse.
But she was absolutely certain that Mau shouldn't be watching her, boy or not. This was called the Women's Place, and it didn't get more womanly than it was about to be.
Daphne thought: I'm learning things. I hope I find out soon what they are.
She sighed a sigh that was older than she was.
"We taught them the songs of children, which have lessons in them. And then we gave them to the Grandfathers, who taught them how to kill other women's sons."
The dead passed in their hundreds and Daphne lost count. She kept reminding herself how scared she wasn't. After all, hadn't she quite enjoyed that lecture on anatomy she had attended? Even though she had kept her eyes shut throughout?
"There are different ways to eat people, girl, and you are clever, oh yes, clever enough to know it. And sometimes the people don't realize it's happened until they hear the belch!"
It was a terrible thing, said Cookie, to see religion get such a hold on a decent soul.
But Mau walked as if every part of his body knew where it was and where it was going to and exactly how fast it had to go to get there. People would have paid good money just to see the muscles on his back move like they were doing now. She understood the maids back home a lot more when the sun gleamed on his shoulders. Ahem.
||Once you've read a couple you'll want to own The Wit & Wisdom of Discworld, compiled by Stephen Briggs. It gives much more of the jacket blurb and then several pages of the best quotes from each book.|
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