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DISCWORLD NOVELS (Page prepared by Strange de Jim.)
(Page prepared by Strange de Jim.)
Although Granny Weatherwax was aware that somewhere under her complicated strata of vests and petticoats there was some skin, that didn't mean she approved of it.
"No one could say I'm the sort to take offense
at criticism," declared Granny Weatherwax.
"Not twice, anyway," said Nanny Ogg.
Cat singing consists of standing two inches in front of other cats and screaming at them until they give in.
Whenever I give someone a Terry Pratchett novel, the birthday person tends to read the whole series. Pratchett's novels, which are both hilarious and thought-provoking, have sold over 50,000,000 copies. The ones below are all about the Discworld, very much like Earth. Read any one, and you'll be hooked.
Here are the Discworld books in order, with a little of the blurbs (in italics) and a few quotes. They can be read in any order. My favorites are the witches. You might start with Wyrd Sisters.
||The Color of Magic
On a world supported on the back of a giant turtle (sex unknown), a gleeful, explosive, wickedly eccentric expedition sets out. There's an avaricious but inept wizard [Rincewind], a naive tourist [Twoflower] whose luggage moves on hundreds of dear little legs, dragons who only exist if you believe in them, and of course The Edge of the Planet ... How it all began.
Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant "idiot."
|The Light Fantastic
As it moves toward a seemingly inevitable collision with a malevolent red star, the Discworld has only one possible savior. Unfortunately, this happens to be the singularly inept and cowardly wizard called Rincewind, who was last seen falling off the edge of the world ...
"Do you think there's anything to eat in this
He moved in a way that suggested he was attempting the world speed record for the nonchalant walk.
The last thing the wizard Drum Billet did, before
Death laid a bony hand on his shoulder, was to pass on his staff of
power to the eighth son of an eighth son. Unfortunately for his colleagues
in the chauvinistic (not to say misogynistic) world of magic, he failed
to check on the newborn's sex ...
Although Granny Weatherwax was aware that somewhere
under her complicated strata of vests and petticoats there was some
skin, that didn't mean she approved of it.
Death comes to us all. When he came to Mort, he offered him a job. After being assured that being dead was not compulsory, Mort accepted. However, he soon found out that romantic longings did not mix easily with the responsibilities of being Death's apprentice ...
Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over
There was an eighth son of an eighth son. He was, naturally, a wizard. And there it should have ended. However (for reasons we'd better not go into), he had seven sons. And then he had an eighth son ... a wizard squared ... a source of magic ... a Sourcerer.
"Children are our hope for the future."
Witches are not by nature gregarious, and they certainly don't have leaders. Granny Weatherwax was the most highly regarded of the leaders they didn't have. But even she found that meddling in royal politics was a lot more difficult than certain playwrights would have you believe ...
(The dwarf playwright Hwel is leaving actor-manager
Being trained by the Assassins' Guild in Ankh-Morpork
did not fit Teppic for the task assigned to him by fate. He inherited
the throne of the desert kingdom of Djelibeybi rather earlier than he
expected (his father wasn't too happy about it either), but that was
only the beginning of his problems ...
This is where the dragons went. They lie ...
not dead, not asleep, but ... dormant. And although the space they occupy
isn't like normal space, nevertheless they are packed in tightly. They
could put you in mind of a can of sardines, if you thought sardines
were huge and scaly. And presumably, somewhere there's a key ...
Eric is the Discworld's demonology hacker. Pity he's not very good at it. All he wants is his three wishes granted. But instead of a tractable demon, he calls up Rincewind, probably the most incompetent wizard in the universe ...
Like all beekeepers, Death wore a veil. It wasn't that he had anything to sting, but sometimes a bee would get inside his skull and buzz around and give him a headache.
The alchemists of the Discworld have discovered
the magic of the silver screen. But what is the dark secret of Holy
Inside every old person is a young person wondering
Death is missingpresumed ... er ... gone.
The ability of skinny old ladies to carry huge loads
is phenomenal. Studies have shown that an ant can carry one hundred
times its own weight, but there is no known limit to the lifting power
of the average tiny eighty-year-old Spanish peasant grandmother.
It seemed an easy job. After all, how difficult
could it be to make sure that a servant girl doesn't marry a prince?
"When did you last have a bath, Esme?"
In the beginning was the Word. And the Word was:
|Lords and Ladies
The Fairies are backbut this time they
don't just want your teeth ...
|Men at Arms
Be a MAN in the City Watch! The City Watch needs
Susan is Death's granddaughter who has to face
the new and addictive music that has entered the Discworld.
Mighty battles! Revolution! Death! War! (and
his sons Terror and Panic, and daughter Clancy). War (and Clancy) are
spreading throughout the ancient cities.
The Opera House, Ankh-Morpork
"It's too drafty on broomsticks this time of
year, Esme. The breeze gets into places I wouldn't dream of talking
|Feet of Clay
There's a werewolf with Pre-Lunar Tension in
Ankh-Morpork. And a dwarf with attitude and a golem who's begun to think
It's the night before Hogwatch. And it's too
Discworld goes to war, with armies of sardines,
warriors, fishermen, squid, and a least one very camp follower.
|The Last Continent
It's the Discworld's last continent and it's
going to die in a few days, except ...
Mightily Oats has not picked a good time to be
a priest. He thought he'd come to Lancre for a simple ceremony. Now
he's caught up in a war between vampires and witches.
|The Fifth Elephant
Sam Vines is a man on the run. There are werewolves
on his trail. They're bright. They're fast. They're werewolvesand
they're catching up.
William de Worde is the accidental editor of
the Discworld's first newspaper. Now he must cope with the traditional
perils of a journalist's lifepeople who want him dead, a recovering
vampire with a suicidal fascination for flash photography, some more
people who want him dead in a different way, and, worst of all, the
man who keeps begging him to publish pictures of his humorously shaped
|Thief of Time
The construction of the world's first truly accurate
clock starts a race against, well, time for Lu-Tze and his apprentice
Lobsan Ludd. Because it will stop time. And that will only be the start
of everyone's problems.
|The Last Hero
Cohen the Barbarian is going on one final quest.
He's going to climb the highest mountain in the Discworld and meet his
gods. He doesn't like the way they let men grow old and die.
Commander Sam Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City
Watch had it all. But now he's back in his own rough, tough past without
even the clothes he was standing up in when the lightning struck.
|The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents
Maurice, s scuffy tomcat with an eye for the
main chance, has the perfect fiddle going. He has a stupid-looking kid
for a piper, and he has his own plague of ratsrats who are strangely
educated, so Maurice can no longer think of them as "lunch."
|The Wee Free Men
Tiffany Aching's little brother has been stolen
by the Queen of the Fairies (although Tiffany doesn't think this is
entirely a bad thing).
"If you believe in yourself and trust in your
dreams and follow your star ... you'll still get beaten by people who
spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy."
"The thing about witchcraft," said Mistress
Weatherwax, "is that it's not like school at all. First you get
the test, and then afterward you spend years finding out how you passed
it. It's a bit like life in that respect."
Polly Perks had to become a boy in a hurry. Cutting
off her hair and wearing trousers was easy. Learning to fart and belch
in public and walk like an ape took more time ...
It is an established fact that, despite everything
society can do, girls of seven are magnetically attracted to the color
|A Hat Full of Sky
Eleven-year-old Tiffany Aching wants to be a
real witch. But a real witch doesn't casually step out of her body,
leaving it empty. Tiffany does, and there's something just waiting for
a handy body to take over. Something ancient and horrible, which can't
die. Now Tiffany's got to learn to be a real witch really quickly, with
the help of arch-witch Mistress Weatherwax and the Nac Mac Feegle ...
"Witches are all equal. We don't have things
like head witches. That's quite against the spirit of witchcraft."
Moist von Lipwig is a con artist ...
Koom Valley? That was where the trolls ambushed
the dwarfs, of the dwarfs ambushed the trolls. It was fat away. It was
a long time ago.
"Nobby is so used to women saying no when he
asks them out that he's not afraid of being blown out. So he asks her,
because he figures, why not? And she, who by now thinks there's something
wrong with her, is so grateful she says okay."
Tiffany Aching put one little foot wrong, made
one little mistake ...
Who would not wish to be the man in charge of
Ankh-Morpork's Royal Mint and the bank next door?
"I'm an Igor, thur. We don't athk quethtionth."
Mau is the only one left after a giant wave sweeps his island village away. But when much is taken, something is returned, and somewhere in the jungle Daphne, a girl from the other side of the globe, is the sole survivor of a ship destroyed by the same wave.
The book's title was The Mariners' Medical Companion ... aargh! An illustration that she really did not want to see; it was for those times when things were so bad that not even a surgeon could make them worse.
But she was absolutely certain that Mau shouldn't be watching her, boy or not. This was called the Women's Place, and it didn't get more womanly than it was about to be.
Daphne thought: I'm learning things. I hope I find out soon what they are.
She sighed a sigh that was older than she was.
"We taught them the songs of children, which have lessons in them. And then we gave them to the Grandfathers, who taught them how to kill other women's sons."
The dead passed in their hundreds and Daphne lost count. She kept reminding herself how scared she wasn't. After all, hadn't she quite enjoyed that lecture on anatomy she had attended? Even though she had kept her eyes shut throughout?
"There are different ways to eat people, girl, and you are clever, oh yes, clever enough to know it. And sometimes the people don't realize it's happened until they hear the belch!"
It was a terrible thing, said Cookie, to see religion get such a hold on a decent soul.
But Mau walked as if every part of his body knew where it was and where it was going to and exactly how fast it had to go to get there. People would have paid good money just to see the muscles on his back move like they were doing now. She understood the maids back home a lot more when the sun gleamed on his shoulders. Ahem.
A third proposition, that the city be governed by a choice of respectable members of the community who would promise not to give themselves airs or betray the public trust at every turn, was instantly the subject of music-hall jokes all over the city.
... and then the thing disappeared down another gloomy corridor, incessantly making that flat honking noise of the sort duck hunters make just before they are shot by other duck hunters.
From above came the sound of a match being struck, and a circle of yellow light expanded on the ceiling as the candle that never went out was relit.
The unofficial motto of Lady Sybil Free Hospital was "Not everybody dies."
[Glenda thinking.] All Juliet needed was a prince. Technically that meant Lord Vetinari, but he was far too old. Besides, no one was sure which side of the bed he got out of, or even if he went to bed at all. But one day a prince would come, even if Glenda had to drag him on a chain.
It was a female [dwarf] beard, she could tell. It looked styled and stylish and didn't have bits of rat in it.
"Well, that's a thought," said Madame, "but I can't remember when I last had some depravity." "Tuesday," said Pepe.
What was a back alley for except for sleeping tramps and the call of nature? Possibly in the same place if you were feeling cruel.
"And you are telling me I'm wrong, are you?" "I would rather you thought of me as suggesting a way in which you could be even more right."
"I believe I heard mention of a curry?" said Henry, with equal care. It was like listening to two ancient dragons talking to each other with the help of an even older book of etiquette written by nuns.
It is said that if you want to stand up to someone you should picture them naked. In the case of Mrs. Whitlow this would be, as Ponder Stubbins might put it, contraindicated.
"If you 'elp us catch up wiv him, I'll give you a big kiss," Juliet said. "There!" said the driver to Trev. "Why didn't you think of that?" "All right, I'll give you a kiss as well," said Trev. "No thanks, sir," said the driver, clearly enjoying himself.
[Nutt on how he was created.] "The Igors did it. And they put in something very strange. It's a part of you that isn't quite a part of you. They called it the Little Brother. It's tucked deep inside and absolutely protected and it's like having your own hospital with you all the time. I know that I was hit very hard, but the Little Brother kept me alive and simply cured things again. There are ways to kill an orc, but there are not many of them, and anyone trying them on a living orc is not going to have very much time to get it right. Does that worry you at all?" "No, not really," said Glenda.
A flood of humanity, well, mostly humanity, poured towards the stadium.
|Once you've read a couple you'll want to own The Wit & Wisdom of Discworld, compiled by Stephen Briggs. It gives much more of the jacket blurb and then several pages of the best quotes from each book.|