STRANGE DE JIM
IN DE PAPERS
FROM 8/23/07 BACK TO 2/12/97
Bay Area Reporter Out There column,
8/23/07: Night listener
"Dear de Roberto,
"All of late-night was on vacation last week, except Craig Ferguson and The Daily Show."
Craig Ferguson: "Suri Cruise , Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter, has landed a modeling contract with Baby Gap. She beat out a lot of other pint-size hopefuls, including her father."
On The Daily Show, Jon Stewart: "Meanwhile, Joe Biden was endorsed by the International Brotherhood of Horse-Testicle Cradlers."
Ferguson: "Today is a very special day in the world of show business. It's the Material Girl's birthday. That's right — Elton John turns 49 today. No, it's Madonna . Madonna has given millions to charity, done lots of benefits, given a lot of money away. Her greatest gift to mankind, of course, is that she's promised never to do another movie. Madonna is 49, but the cones in her bra are as perky as ever. Who else started out at the same time? Whitney Houston? Beethoven? Whitney did crack, Madonna showed hers. Remember her Sex book? It was a pop-up, at least for me."
Finally, Ferguson: "Karl Rove is resigning now, so he has plenty of time to steal Christmas."
"Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim ."
Bay Area Reporter Out There column,
8/16/07: Say what? Quips captured and collected care of SF
strange-about-town Strange de Jim.
Craig Ferguson: "Bart Simpson's voice isn't even done by a guy. It's done by a woman named Nancy Cartwright. She also, by the way, does the voice for soccer star David Beckham."
Jay Leno: "Hillary Clinton has been showing a little cleavage out there on the campaign trail, so today Barack Obama made a speech with a rolled-up sock in his pants."
Guest Anderson Cooper said going gray early is like premature ejaculation. "You don't think it can happen to you, and when it does, you're really surprised!"
Coop, let's be surprised together
Bay Times Letters, 8/16/07: TV Zingers
Dear de Bay Times,
Jay Leno: "Barry Bonds might break the home run record here in Los Angeles this week at Dodger Stadium. People will be sitting on pins and needles. Especially Barry." Also, "Working on Dick Cheney's heart, talk about microsurgery!" And, "Face transplants. There's a tough surgery to talk the wife into."
Craig Ferguson on hotel living: "Always leave room in your bag for the hotel bathrobe, and when the porn shows up on your bill, deny, deny, deny."
Jay Leno: "Hillary Clinton has been showing a little cleavage out there on the campaign trail, so today Barack Obama made a speech with a rolled-up sock in his pants." Also, "The Simpson’s Movie took in $71 million, killed the competition. In fact, it's the biggest slaughter by a Simpson since ..." Guest Anderson Cooper said going gray early is like premature ejaculation. "You don't think it can happen to you, and when it does you're really surprised."
Craig Ferguson to guest Jonathan Silverman: "Did you include any Scottish traditions in your wedding?" Jonathan: "I'm sure we must have. There was a pig and a goat."
Jimmy Kimmel: "I'm not gay. I think I would be if I were in better shape."
Dave Letterman: "There's a new study out that says there are 237 reasons why people have sex. My number 1 reason is that my credit card went through. Reason No. 237: Something to do while my wife is running for president."
Chris Rock commercial: "I wouldn't let Michael Jackson watch my kids on TV."
Jay Leno on the 237 reasons to have sex: "Women always told me the 237 reasons not to have sex." And, "For her birthday Prince Charles gave Camilla a pair of sheep. I think he's hoping for a 3-way."
Strange de Jim
Bay Area Reporter Out There column, 8/2/07: But we've got to wrap it up, so get yer rim-shot ready (thanks Strange). Earlier this summer on The Daily Show, guest David Steinberg quoted Dick Shawn on Milton Berle's famously huge member. "I actually got to see it in the steam room at the Friars Club. I thought Milton was there with his son."
Bay Area Reporter, My very own column,
Strange's TV zingers
by Strange de Jim
Sarah Silverman to Jack Nicholson at the MTV Movie Awards: "You've been in every one of my favorite actresses." With Paris Hilton in the audience: "To make Paris feel at home, the guards are going to paint the bars to look like penises. I'm just afraid she's going to break her teeth on those things." Also, "The title 300 comes from, 'How gay is this movie on a scale of 1 to 10?'"
Larry the Cable Guy: "If you're in the gay mafia and get whacked, is that good or bad?" And, "I don't need Viagra, knock on wood." Also, "If John Wayne had seen gay cowboys he'd have had patches over both eyes."
Jon Stewart: "Only three of the Democratic hopefuls have vaginas."
Jay Leno: "The FDA has approved a pill that stops a woman's cycle and prevents PMS. This could be the end of The View as we know it." Also, "California is going to have gay conjugal visits, or as it used to be called, lights out." And, "That 60-year-old woman who had twins is going to breast-feed them on powdered milk." Plus, "Lindsay Lohan was arrested for crashing her car into some bushes. Luckily, George Michael, who was having sex in the bushes, wasn't hurt."
Conan O'Brien: "During last night's Democratic debate, all the candidates said if they were elected, they would get rid of the military's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy for gay soldiers. 'Don't ask, don't tell' would be replaced by a new policy, 'Don't tell me you're wearing those boots with that gun.'" Also, "After serving eight years in jail, assisted-suicide doctor Jack Kevorkian was on Larry King Live. When Kevorkian saw Larry King, he said, 'I swear, he was like that when I got here.'" And, "Wolverine and Cyclops are to X-Men as Max Weinberg 's escorts are to ex-men." Guest Paul Rudd's favorite gay porn titles: Tastes Like Chicken and Everybody Does Raymond.
Craig Ferguson: "Paris Hilton went to jail early, because Monday is meat-loaf night."
Jay Leno: "It's the first time Paris has ever spent three nights in the same bed."
Dave Letterman: "Paris Hilton has been in jail for three days. They're already making a movie about it, The Bird Brain of Alcatraz. I don't think Paris is doing well in prison. She seemed distant at last night's conjugal.
Craig Ferguson: "There's a man suing the maker of an energy drink, claiming the drink gave him an endless erection. This means you can sue people who have that kind of effect on you. See you in court, Orlando Bloom. I'm not gay, but he's gorgeous!"
David Spade: "Paris misses her cell phone most. Ironically, she's in an actual cell, staring all day at five full bars."
Daily Show title for Paris story: "Shaw Skank Redemption." Jon Stewart on the 2012 Olympic logo: "It looks like a slot machine going down on a stop sign."
Jay Leno: "Paris was released. The people in jail couldn't stand her either. Believe me, this isn't the first premature release she's had a hand in." Also, "Phil Spector may have taken Viagra on the night in question. A guy who couldn't get his gun to go off is in trouble because his gun went off. Would you call him a hardened criminal?" And, "You know who's taking over for Bob Barker? Conan O'Brien."
Dave Letterman: "Paris was released for medical reasons. She gave notes from several doctors: Dr. Jackson, Dr. Grant, Dr. Franklin. You know what Paris' ankle bracelet is going to mean for me, a lot of nasty scratches on my back."
Conan O'Brien: "Yesterday, Bob Barker taped his final episode of The Price Is Right. Experts say it's a sad day for television, but a great day for pets who want to keep their testicles."
Craig Ferguson: "Paris has been liberated. Take that, Fritz! It's part of California's catch-and-release program. She still has a lot of fans. Paris-ites, I think they are called. Or maybe Parisians."
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
5/31/07: Zinger time
Strange de Jim watches TV!
Jay Leno: "Apparently, Phil Spector wasn't happy to see any of these women. That really was a gun in his pocket."
Craig Ferguson on a nudist bum sticker: "My other ass is hot."
Conan O'Brien: "The Tony nominations came out last night. People who care about the Tony nominations came out a long time ago."
Dave Letterman: "Former President Bill Clinton says he has been very, very concerned about global warming. In fact, earlier this week, another chunk of ice fell off his wife."
"Beep beep! Love, Strange."
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
5/24/07: Tee veed
Strange de Jim spends his late nights in the eerie blue glow of the TV screen. Then he reports back to Out There.
"Dear de Roberto,
Jay Leno on Paris Hilton: "The first time she was stopped, it was for not having either front or rear license plates. Now she can make her own."
Dave Letterman: "Paris Hilton is going to jail. Good work, Spiderman. She's already asked permission to videotape her conjugals, and she's giving the guards a list on how she likes to be searched." Regis Philbin chided Dave for not having watched Shrek 3 before his appearance. Dave: "Come on, it's the third one, and you're in it. How good can it be?"
Conan O'Brien: "While in jail, Paris will have her private parts searched. This could be a problem. They only have 45 days." Also, "Angelina Jolie always tries to be sure her shoes match her orphan."
Jimmy Kimmel: "We're circulating a petition asking Gov. Schwarzenegger to officially declare June 5 'Paris Hilton Is Going to Jail Day.'"
Craig Ferguson: "Big wildfire in Griffith Park. Unbelievable. The bravery, the skills of these guys. I love firefighters. That's why I buy the calendars."
Leno: "The Milwaukee Brewers offered free rectal and prostate exams at the stadium. Talk about a tailgate party!"
Larry the Cable Guy on Ferguson: "They want money for these sex tapes I made years ago. You make a little money, and relatives just come out of the woodwork." Also, "Rosie's blowing up like a tick on Dracula. If she gets any bigger, she's going to block The View."
Comedian Dimitri Martin: "I like rainbows, but I'm not gay, so I wear a T-shirt with a rainbow, but under it I have to write, 'Not gay.' But I'm not against gays, so I have to add, 'but supportive.' Isn't it weird that one group could co-opt refractive light?"
Leno: "When I hear two guys are fighting at the Boston Symphony, I assume it's over another guy."
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik’s column, 5/18/07: Strange de Jim e-mailed a snapshot of a Jerry Falwell anti-shrine on the sidewalk at 18th and Castro, a “Rest in Torment” fake tombstone and patch of AstroTurf designated for dancing on the grave.
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
5/10/07: Tube chortles
Mr. Strange de Jim keeps us abreast on the latest irreverent utterances from our national court jesters upon the TV screen. Thanks, Strange, keep on truckin'!
"Dear de Roberto,
Conan O'Brien (doing a week of shows in San Francisco): "Everyone in San Francisco is so nice and warm. Even Mayor Gavin Newsom sent me flowers. When I tried to thank him, he said, 'They're for your wife.'"
Dave Letterman: "Politicians are now having sex with prostitutes? What's wrong with Congressional pages?" Also, "On The View, Elizabeth Hasslebeck is pregnant. Rosie O'Donnell says, 'It's not mine!'"
Jay Leno: "You know who Nancy Pelosi is, right? She's the second most powerful woman in the country, right behind the DC Madam."
Conan O'Brien: "I've been here several days now, and the San Francisco lifestyle is starting to rub off on me. Today, I realized I was wearing a suit and tie, so I gave myself the finger. Everyone here has been so nice. Earlier today, Mayor Gavin Newsom invited me over for a sandwich. After that, we had lunch." Also, "This is a very active city. Later this month, San Francisco will host the annual Bay to Breakers race. Bay to Breakers is perfect for anyone who loves to run, but hates being sober or dressed."
Jay Leno: "The former governor of New Jersey, who admitted that he was gay, has announced he is looking into becoming an Episcopal priest. Not a lot of people happy about this. Especially the altar boys. The other day, McGreevey's wife was on Oprah. She said when he told her he was gay he gave her the news in cowardly installments. Although according to McGreevey, he always wished that she could take the news like a man, so I don't know who to believe."
Dave Letterman: "You heard that DC Madam's slogan? 'We take care of you below the Beltway.' Politicians were visiting prostitutes. Apparently, one girl was paid with a new dam in her home state."
Conan O'Brien: "Welcome to the historic Orpheum Theatre. When people ask me how to get here, I tell them walk down to Market Street and when you get scared, it's another four blocks. When you get stabbed, you know you've arrived." Also, "This week we've had some fun at the mayor's expense, so last night I apologized to Mayor Newsom for all the jokes I made about him. And the makeup sex was incredible.
"The San Francisco mayoral race is heating up. There are now 13 candidates running against Gavin Newsom. Mayor Newsom said, 'I'm looking forward to debating all the candidates, and nailing their wives.'
"Beep beep! Love, Strange."
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik’s
column, 5/10/07: And Strange de Jim says he saw an older man coming out
of the Market Street Safeway with a T-shirt that read, “Growing Old Is
Mandatory, Growing Up Is Optional.” Googling, I found that this quote
is attributed to former San Francisco Giant Chili Davis.
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column, 5/10/07: TV zingers
"Dear de Roberto,
"Jay Leno: 'In a speech Sunday before a church group, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom said that he is going to make San Francisco a sanctuary for illegal immigrants so they can go there and not worry about being deported to their home country of Los Angeles.'
"Conan O'Brien: 'Former NJ Gov. Jim McGreevey's ex-wife says in her new book that McGreevey is not really homosexual. McGreevey was furious and said, 'How many guys do you have to screw to get your wife to call you gay?' In my experience, eight."
"Dave Letterman: 'Regis Philbin, after his triple bypass surgery, is a changed man. As a matter of fact, I watched his nurse change him backstage.'
"Charlie Sheen: 'I was drunk. He was taped, tucked and gorgeous.'
"Berta on Two and a Half Men when she thought Alan came out: 'Good for you, Zippy. The world's a much happier place once you figure out whether you're the pin or the cushion.'
"Letterman: 'Guess who wasn't invited to Earth Day? Pluto.'
"Leno headlines: 'Man beats off cougar with bare hands,' and, 'Earl learned of his enlarged prostate only after his wife's prodding.'
"Leno: 'Women can now buy sperm over the Internet. Kev , you ever thought of turning your hobby into a home business?'
"On David Spade's show, Bill Maher said about the videos supposedly showing Britney giving oral sex to K-Fed: 'I know, and David Spade can tell you, that isn't Kevin Federline's penis.'
"Derek Jeter doing a Top 10 on Letterman: 'Remember when I was out because I pulled a hamstring? I really had Streisand tickets,' and, 'So I'm not bothered by fans, I check into hotels as David Letterman.'
"Jimmy Kimmel: 'When Regis came back on his show after his triple bypass, they should have had Kathy Lee sitting there convincing him the last six years were a dream.'
"Masi of Heroes on Conan O'Brien told of meeting his hero George Takei , who said to him in Japanese, 'I have watched your progress, and you're getting very big.' In Japanese, the word for 'progress' sounds like the word for 'penis.'
"Mo Mandell on Craig Ferguson: 'Parents, don't smoke weed in front of your kids. It spoils weed for them.'
"Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim."
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
5/3/07: More Strange TV
Now, the latest dispatch from our late-night television correspondent Strange de Jim:
"Dear de Roberto,
David Letterman said, 'It was so wet today that Barry Bonds tested positive for mildew.'
"Rob Riggle on The Daily Show reported on a transgender fired in Florida who says he'll be better off when he's the correct gender. 'If only the nation's problems could be solved so easily.' He showed a map of the US, with scissors about to snip off Florida.
"Jimmy Kimmel declared, 'America has been cured of its long bout of Sanjayarrhea. Sanjaya 's long reign of terrible is over. He proved that if you just believe in yourself, you can annoy millions of people.'"
We're doing our very best on this end.
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
4/26/07: Strange fruit
Irrepressible raconteur Strange de Jim keeps on watching late-night TV and filling us up with quotable quotes. Thanks for sharing, Strange!
"Dear de Roberto,
"Jay Leno: 'Disneyland has opened up Fairy Tale Weddings to gay couples. At last, Sneezy and Grumpy don't have to live a lie.'
"Joel McHale on The Soup: 'First, I'd like to apologize for what I called the Rutgers men's wrestling team.'
"Leno on power outages in LA: 'Doctors were doing breast implants by candlelight.' And, 'Do we need frozen sperm? Is there a shortage of fresh-squeezed?'
"Seth Meyers on SNL: 'It's official. The Durham prosecutor raped three Duke lacrosse players.' Also, 'Sex-abuse claims against Catholic priests are down, proving that fewer children are going to church.'
"Craig Ferguson: 'I wouldn't worry about Imus. He's already working on a new show, The Amazing Racist.' Also, 'Charles Simonyi became the latest billionaire to go into space with the Russians. He's Martha Stewart's boyfriend, this guy. If I was Martha Stewart's boyfriend, I'd be going, too.'
"Wasn't it Lance Bass who was going to go into space? Then he just came out of the closet instead. Just as fabulous, and the clothes are better.
"Conan O'Brien: 'Paris Hilton wants to shut down a website that claims she has an STD. Unfortunately, the site is that of the Center for Disease Control.'
"Beep beep! Love, Strange."
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
4/12/07: More Strange TV
“Dear de Roberto,
“Jay Leno said, ‘Palm Springs just concluded Lesbian Spring Break. The big event? The wet lumberjack shirt contest.’ Also, ‘Iran was afraid if they didn't give the British sailors back, Nancy Pelosi might visit them.’
“Leno reported our mayor is in trouble again, this time for pretending to have oral sex with a microphone. ‘In San Francisco that's called pandering to the voters.’ (The clip is at http://iteamblog.abc7news.com.)
“Leno also noted, ‘Rudy Giuliani says marriage should be between a man and a woman, no matter how many tries it takes.’
“Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim”
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
4/5/07: Strange TV
"Dear de Roberto,
"Craig Ferguson: 'That Boy Scout in North Carolina was rescued by a dog named Gandolf. Do you know who I would have sent into the forest to find him? George Michael. He can always find a man in the forest.'
"Conan: 'In Hollywood the other night, the producer of Girls Gone Wild was spotted hanging out at a gay bar. Which explains the title of the new DVD, Girls Gone Wild — At Least I thought They Were Girls; I Was Really Drunk.'
"David Letterman on Regis' open heart surgery: 'For Regis it was the most successful surgery since he had Kathie Lee Gifford removed. And the good part is, he's no longer trapped in a man's body.'
"Adam Sandler subbing for David Letterman: 'Dave has stomach flu, a common side effect of botox treatments.'
"David Letterman: 'Jewish hookers wear two-piece outfits to separate the meat from the dairy.' Dave also reported that the man who had sex with a dead deer was listed as a John Doe.
"Jon Stewart: 'Barak Obama and Mrs. Clinton are sort of the Madonna and Sean Penn of the campaign. I'm not saying which is which.'
"Jay Leno: 'P. Diddy and his girlfriend had tantric sex for thirty hours straight. You know what she said when it was all over? "Ooh, I was this close!"'
"Letterman: 'It's actually not that nice out
right now. It’s cloudy and warm — like a Barry Bonds specimen. But
happy birthday to Hugh Heffner — 81 years old today. Quite a guy. You
know, Hugh Heffner takes so much Viagra, that when he dies it’s going
to be an open coffin.'
"Beep beep! Love, Strange."
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
3/29/07: Strange’s late nights:
“Dear de Roberto,
“Joel McHale on The Soup: ‘Someday a heavily sedated tree will grow from Anna Nicole's grave.’
“Craig Ferguson: ‘Ernesto Gallo died at 97. Wine experts agree 97 is a good year to die. Bit of Gallos humor.’
“The Daily Show's Aasif Mandvi: ‘Dubai welcomed Michael Jackson with open boys.’
“David Letterman: ‘It was so warm today Ann Coulter was insulting gays in the park.’
“Chris Rock on Letterman: ‘I pray there's a God. I know there's Oprah.’
“John Waters on The Daily Show talking about his new Til Death Do Us Part, about marital murders. ‘I'm the Groom Reaper.’
“Jon Stewart: "The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff is so anti-gay he won't even shake hands with a Rear Admiral.’
“Jay Leno on 80-year-old Hugh Hefner marrying his 27-year-old girlfriend: ‘The wedding will be open casket. The bride believes that where there's a will there's a way.’
“Saturday Night Live had a skit on the new disease Restless Penis Syndrome. ‘With your help we can beat this thing.’
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column, 3/15/07:
Guide: And now, another installment of the ongoing series Strange
Jim Enjoys TV for You!
"Dear de Roberto,
David Letterman: "I suspect Britney Spears will settle down once she has kids."
Peter O'Toole on Jay Leno: "The only exercise I get is following the coffins of friends who exercise."
Jon Stewart to Jake Gyllenhaal: "You were the kid in that Billy Crystal movie."
Jake: "City Slickers."
Jon: "Right. So, technically Brokeback Mountain was not your first gay cowboy movie."
Craig Ferguson: "I've never had a mustache, so I've never kissed anyone with a ... Well, that's not true. Never mind."
On Talk Soup a clip showed a reporter saying, "Larry Birkhead met Anna Nicole's baby. He fed her. He burped her, and she threw up on him."
Joel McHale: "Pretty much the way he met her mother."
The Dapper Daniels is a barbershop quartet that sings about homoerotic encounters, such as "I've Been Lurkin' Near the Railroad." Find them on YouTube.
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
3/1/07: Time for another installment of Strange de Jim's continuing
tally of the week's best quips de TV.
David Letterman: "San Francisco's Mayor Gavin Newsom is now dating an actress. No word on what her husband does."
Jimmy Kimmel on the basketball player who announced he's gay: "People began to suspect when he had no illegitimate kids."
David Letterman: "I thought the only space traveler who wore a wig and a diaper was William Shatner."
Jay Leno: "All day in a single diaper. That astronaut lady must have felt like one of Britney Spears' kids."
David Letterman: Not to be outdone by Britney shaving her head, Rosie O'Donnell has shaved her back."
From Red Carpets and Other Banana Skins the autobiography of openly gay actor Rupert Everett: "He observed me from behind his paper as I stuffed my case into the rack above the window; I could tell he was checking out my bum and I wiggled it around as if I were in a Carry On film. When I finally settled down he dropped his paper with a flourish. It was curtain up."
"I had known [director] John [Schlesinger] since I was seventeen, when he came into a shop where I was working, because 'everyone was talking about you, my dear.' He tried on a pair of shoes, and I was rather cheeky. ('Our feet are too tiny, aren't they?' I'd said. 'We don't carry shoes for such delicate pixie paws.') From then on, we were friends, and John was always someone I looked up to."
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
2/8/07: Out There doesn't watch a whole lot of broadcast television,
but that's OK because Strange de Jim watches TV for us! Here's his
report on the best damn entertainers working on comedy today. "Dear de
Roberto, Jay Leno noted, 'When they say the Mayor of San Francisco is
on top of things, they're not kidding. But apparently his campaign
manager was not aware of all the Mayor's positions.'
"Stephen Colbert: 'Scientists have discovered that 8% of sheep are gay, and the rest are into bestiality.'
"Sarah Silverman: 'I learned that it doesn't matter whether you're straight or gay, because at the end of the day they're both gross.'
"Jay Leno: 'Nancy Pelosi is the most powerful person in a dress since J. Edgar Hoover.'
"Jimmy Kimmel to Rupert Everett: 'You dated both Susan Sarandon and Sir Ian McKellan, so you definitely have a type.'
"Dave Letterman: 'Hillary Clinton would be the first female president, if you don't count James Buchanan.'"
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column, 11/30/06: Strange de Jim comments, "It's ironic that Kramer v. Kramer perfectly describes Michael Richards' attempts to explain his racist rant!"
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
11/16/06: Quip show
Dear de Roberto,
My pal Brownstone says the Reverend Haggard scandal makes the Mark Foley incident seem like child's play.
Comedian Jim Norton: "I'm not gay. I'm not. I don't think you should judge a person on a few dozen incidents."
Conan O'Brien: "The reason the doctor sticks a finger in your butt is to see how gullible you are." He also says, "When Clay Aiken learned Neil Patrick Harris was gay he began furiously doogying his howser."
Jay Leno says gay partnerships are now legal in Mexico. "Or as they call it, Juan on Juan."
Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim
Bay Area Reporter "Out There" column,
10/12/06: Quip show
Strange de Jim is up late nights, watching the tube. Here’s his dutiful report:
Jon Stewart: "Will the President be allowed to clip the electrodes of freedom onto the testicles of terror?"
The Daily Show graphic for the pedophile story was "Foley Erect."
Jon Stewart: "The North American Man Boy Love Association, or Congress."
Jay Leno on the two men who were kissing and holding hands on an American Airlines flight, told to stop: "Other passengers claimed they saw snakes on a plane." Jay also noted, "George Michael falls asleep at the wheel more often than President Bush."
Craig Ferguson says that the last time George Michael was arrested it was for having sex with another guy in the woods. "He was charged with possession of swollen goods."
Dave Letterman: "When Congressman Foley gets out of rehab he wants to turn over a new page."
"Beep beep! Love, Strange"
Bay Area Reporter “Out There” column, 10/5/06: Grab Bag: "Dear de Roberto, Jay Leno claims that a penis transplant is an addadictomy. My pal Joel McHale says he can see Oprah as President swearing, 'I didn't have sex with that woman!' Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim"
Bay Area Reporter “Out There” column, 9/14/06: Everlasting civic treasure and raconteur Strange de Jim checked in to say he’s heard from his old friend and soulmate Dame Edna, whose career is on a Gorgeous Upswing since she’s been signed to star in Medusa 2: Snakes on a Dame.
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 8/24/06: Trog:
Dear de Bay Times,
Here's producer Steve Murray in the lobby after the opening of Trog at Theatre Rhino, pouring champagne and testing the icing on the cake.
|Stars Heklina and Matthew Martin cut the
cake. They play Joan Crawford and her daughter, with Joan playing a
scientist. In a cage in the basement they have Trog, a troglodyte
frozen in the Ice Age and brought back to life by the sheer force of
Joan's personality and Pepsi. Luckily Trog is an amiable young caveman
with the skills of a circus performer. The best lines from all Joan's
movies spring back to life in the script, especially the ones from Mommie
Dearest. A good time was had by all, especially me. It runs through
On Comedy Central's roast of William Shatner, Betty White declared, "We know Shatner's nuts, but George Takei [who played Sulu and in real life recently came out] has actually had them in his mouth ... I caught the bouquet at Bill Shatner's wedding, and I hope I catch the cock ring at Sulu's."
Sandra Bullock, who appeared with Shatner in Miss Congeniality, said she hated to make fun of the elderly and incontinent, but on the set, "He'd come up behind me and cup my buttocks with his hands. He thought I was Sulu."
Strange de Jim
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 7/27/06: Gay,
Dear de Bay Times:
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 7/27/06:
Dear de Bay Times,
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 6/29/06:
Angelina, Scientist and Urinal Sculpture:
Dear de Bay Times,
Angelina Jolie announced she’s adopting another baby, but hasn’t decided among black, white or Asian. Conan O’Brien says she’ll be spending the weekend looking at swatches.
Dave Letterman notes that Ann Coulter is blonde and single. “Maybe somebody will fix her up with O.J.”
Here’s a young fellow scientist who posed for me at the Café Flore in his “Sex, Drugs & Nuclear Physics” tee.
|And here’s a spray of urinals by sculptor
Clark Sorensen, www. Clarkmade.com.
Beep beep! Love,
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 5/25/06, Pictures
this Day in History: Dear de Bay Times,
A group of Castro housewives blesses the unveiling of three cases of photos depicting the life of Harvey Milk being installed in Harvey Milk Plaza.
|Photographer Dan Nicoletta, the force behind the project, announces that the Bob Ross Foundation has kicked in the rest of the funds to erect a bronze bust of Harvey Milk in City Hall. Emcee Supervisor Bevan Dufty is at the right.|
|Here's one of the three cases of photos.
For more photos copy this entire address (without hyphens) into your browser: http://members.aol.com/strangecastro/harvey.html.
Strange de Jim
|San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 5/10/06: Noting that the Castro Theatre marquee says “A Year Without Love” will end on Thursday, Strange de Jim is counting the hours until Friday.|
San Francisco Examiner, Christopher Caen’s column, 4/21/06: After reading about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ new baby, Strange de Jim quickly shot off an e-mail simply stating, “Who’s Suri now?” Ouch.
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 4/20/06: Pictures Worth a Look: Dear de Bay Times, Here are author Armistead Maupin (r) and his lover Christopher Turner at Charles Busch’s opening at the Castro April 14.|
|And here are some Easter celebrants at 18th and Castro. For lots of photos of the Busch opening and Easter in the Castro, your readers can copy this entire address: http://members.aol.com/strangecastro/apr06.html. Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco.|
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's
column, 4/18/06: [After six weeks of nearly solid rain]: Strange de Jim
e-mailed on Friday afternoon: “It’s clouding up. Hopefully, the
terrible one-day drought is over.”
Strange also stayed up late enough to hear baseball fan Billy Crystal on David Letterman’s show, commenting on a syringe being tossed into the outfield where Barry Bonds was playing “Why reward him?” asked Crystal. “They didn’t punish the tiger by throwing Roy back into the cage.”
San Francisco Examiner, Christopher Caen’s column, 4/14/06: But back to the rain. Because, after all, what other subject is there? Strange de Jim checks in with relief that the rain seems to be tapering off. He e-mailed in, “Not that we’ll need it, of course, but do you know how to build an ark?” You think Home Depot knows how to cut lumber by the cubit? And around here getting two of each animal could turn out to be very interesting.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's
column, 4/3/06: As to the mildewy month of March, Strange de Jim
complains that “scientists didn’t warn us about global wetting.”
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 3/30/06: Sticky: Dear de Bay Times, Last night Jay Leno congratulated Dame Edna on getting her own 50-cent Australian stamps. Dame Edna: "I'm self-adhesive, Jay, which I believe is every woman's dream."
Dame Edna has written a book for senior citizens, published on absorbent paper.
At her shows she's disturbed by women guzzling bottles of water, apparently afraid they won't be sufficiently moist.
She confided to Jay that she thinks the United States is the best-kept secret in the world. She's telling all her friends, and we should be getting lots of tourists, if we let them into the country.
Strange de Jim
Only in San Francisco
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 3/2/06,
Peter Berlin Redux:
Dear de Bay Times,
|Rumi was one of the original Cockettes, best known as Maxine in 1972's Elevator Girls in Bondage.|
|Feb. 26 Rumi had a salon for Cockettes
artwork and memorabilia. I especially liked this photo of Mrs. Vera by
Rumi's art site is at www.geocities.com/camaraderieartsalon.
Strange de Jim
San Francisco Examiner, Christopher Caen’s column, 2/24/06: Things we love (two-footed variety) include people like Strange de Jim. He checks in to report that he had a dream where he saw his own tombstone: “He Never Put Off Procrastinating.” The only problem is that he has been meaning to send me this item for a month.
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 2/23/06:
Ode to Peter Berlin:
Dear de Bay Times, I first met Peter Berlin in the early 1970s. I remember once when he took me to his apartment to show me something, how impressed I was by his Old World courtesy and dignity (besides his striking persona, as seen in this self-portrait).
|We ran into each other at parties or on the street over the years. I talked with him last summer at the opening of Hush Up, Sweet Charlotte, and was again struck by his gentle sweetness. Now he’s the subject of what the New York Times calls “a superb documentary."|
|Here’s Peter at age 63, in a T-shirt with
a drawing of himself by Tom of Finland, arriving at his February 17
opening at the Castro. I hope when I’m his age … Oh, I am. Oh well.
San Francisco Examiner, Christopher Caen’s column, 1/13/06 (after a paragraph about whether author JT LeRoy is a fraud): Strange de Jim vehemently states that he is not JT LeRoy. But he does know where Elvis is.
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 1/5/06: Gift for Jay Leno: Dear de Bay Times, Dame Edna called: “I hiked up Brokeback Mountain, Strangepossums, and crept out on Ledger Knob. The view from the very tip is lovely. Then I slipped into Gyllenhaal Ravine and slid all the way to the bottom!” Dame E. was on The Tonight Show Dec. 23 in a dress that looked like a Christmas tree: “And there just may be a present under here for you, Jay Leno!” Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim.|
|San Francisco Examiner, Christopher Caen’s column, 12/30/05: Strange de Jim checks in with a picture of a handy device you can hang on the side of your house for Santa Claus. It is an easily readable meter showing whether you are tilting toward Naughty or Nice. That would have been handy this year and would have saved me cleaning up all that coal under my stocking.|
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's column, 12/28/05: Don’t tell the children, but the naughty grumps at the Magnet Health Center, at 18th near Castro, just refused to get into the fey Christmas Spirit. Out front on their marquee, they posted a sign advertising, “Reindeer Barbeque—All You Can Eat!—Dec. 26, North Pole.” … “Whew,” humbug Strange de Jim said, “I’m so full I can barely move.”
San Francisco Chronicle, Letters to
Datebook, 12/24/05: Shocked and appalled: Editor: Maybe J.T. LeRoy
wasn’t really a 12-year-old tranny truck-stop hooker? As a Pulitzer,
Nobel and Oscar winner, I’m appalled that an author would lie about his
credentials. Strange de Jim, San Francisco
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 12/22/05: Heath and Jake 4eva: Dear de Bay Times, Show the most likable actor in the world having a real love affair with Jake Gyllenhaal for 20 years, even straight guys will come.
At the Embarcadero Center Cinema they’ve been calling George Clooney’s film Good Night, and Good Luck Getting into Brokeback Mountain. Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 12/20/05: And the Brokeback Mountain phenomenon continues … Strange de Jim tried to go and couldn’t get in, so he went instead “to George Clooney’s Good Night, and Good Luck Getting Into Brokeback Mountain.”
San Francisco Examiner, Christopher Caen's column, 12/1/05: And finally, in the spirit of all that is truly magical and holiday like in us, Strange de Jim checks in with his latest campaign to improve the world. Now that the chaos of the special election is fading in our rearview mirror, Strange feels that it is time we focus on the real campaign that lies before us. That's right. It's time to get the Catwoman herself, Julie Newmar, her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. If there is one thing you can say about Strange, it's the focus that you have to admire. Beep, beep!
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 11/24/05: Mint Julies and Julie Newmar
|Dear de Bay Times,
I first wore my "Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian" tee to march with Catwoman Julie Newmar in the "Lesbian and Gay Cat Lovers of America" contingent in San Francisco's 1995 Pride Parade. Ten years later the letters have faded a bit, and the tummy seems to have expanded.
Here are Miss Julie and I with co-host Michael Brownstone at a party to raise funds to put a well-deserved star for Miss Julie on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
|And here are Miss Julie and her
brother, Dr. John Newmeyer, at whose modest Pacific Heights mansion the
fete was held. The Mint Julies were delicious!
Strange de Jim
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 11/17/05: Julie Newmar is Coming to Town!
|Dear de Bay Times,
Wanna meet Julie Newmar? Now the election's over, we can all focus on helping Catwoman finally get her well-deserved star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
|Here's Miss Julie leading the "Lesbian and Gay Cat Lovers of America" contingent in San Francisco's 1995 Pride Parade. I'm wearing my "Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian" tee for the very first time and holding Miss Julie's brother's sign.|
|And here's her brother, Dr. John
Newmeyer, lunching at Harvey's Nov. 11, just before giving me the good
news you're about to hear. Miss Julie is coming to San Francisco
for a meet and greet at a Walk of Fame Fundraiser this Saturday, Nov.
19, 4 to 6 p.m. Space is limited. Anyone who wants to attend may
call 415-863-8932 or e-mail Jnewmeyer@aol.com.
Strange de Jim
|Here are Michael Brownstone and Dr. John Newmeyer at Harvey's Nov. 15. On Saturday the 19th Mike will dress in a Batman costume and pick up Miss Julie at the airport in a chauffeured Rolls Royce Silver Cloud and whisk her to meet her supporters from 4 to 6 p.m. at her brother John's modest Pacific Heights mansion, where Mint Julies will be served.|
Bay Area Reporter, Roberto Friedman's "Out There" column, 11/17/05: Now that the election's over, San Francisco movers and shakers are focusing on helping eternal Catwoman Julie Newmar finally get her well-deserved star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Newmar and her brother, San Francisco's own Dr. John Newmeyer, will be on hand to meet and greet at a Walk of Fame fundraiser on Saturday, Nov. 19. Let's wish upon a star that Catwoman gets her due at long last. Call 863-8932 for info.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 11/16/05: Julie Newmar's brother, John Newmeyer, is tossing a party for his sister on Saturday in San Francisco, "to enable Julie's friends and admirers in the GLBT community to meet her and to help get her 'star' placed in the sidewalk on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The cost of the star is $15,000. For more information, e-mail Jnewmeyer@aol.com.
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 10/20/05:
Dede de Young:
Dear de Bay Times:
She may be hell on stepsons, but Dede Wilsey builds one heck of a fine museum!
Strange de Jim
[Note: Dede Wilsey is the driving force behind the new $200-million de Young Museum in Golden Gate Park. Last year in his national bestseller Oh the Glory of It All, Dede's stepson Sean Wilsey accused her of some very shocking things. Wearing a pillowcase over my head, I was a bridesmaid at Al and Dede's wedding (see below).]
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's column, 10/10/05: Ooh, here's Strange de Jim: "P.J., the other night Scrumbly of the original Cockettes had a huge 60th birthday bash at Project Artaud. So I wore the bridesmaid's dress I had to buy for Al and Dede Wilsey's wedding ... and felt positively de Young again." ... Big week this week, for the de Young Museum, as it reopens. It does look great. [Note: Al (now deceased) and Dede Wilsey are the big donors behind the new de Young.]
PAPAL GAY EJECTIONS EXPLAINED
|S.F. Bay Times Letters, 10/6/05:
Dear de Bay Times: "Who are you wearing?" On the red carpet
Pope Benedict always brags, "Kenny E!" And, indeed, it is Kenneth
Everage, son of the Dame the masses call "Saint Edna," who designs the
frocks that have made "Eggs" Benedict the world's most stylish
But that's not why I'm writing. I've figured out why His Holiness is ejecting all the gay seminarians. As soon as the buildings are completely empty, he can sell them at a huge profit.
Bay Area Reporter, Roberto Friedman's "Out There" column, 10/6/05: Candid correspondent Strange de Jim says he still doesn't understand what all the fuss in the Vatican is about, since he has always enjoyed discharging gay seminarians.
San Francisco Chronicle Letters, 9/30/05: Dear de Chronicle: When the Vatican inspectors come in, how gay will you have to be to get kicked out of a Catholic seminary? There's a Dave Letterman "Top 10 List!" Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 9/29/05: Ministry of Metrosexuality.
|Dear de Bay Times,
Obviously metrosexual himself, Pope Benedict intends to oust gay seminarians, presumably sniffing them out with his Infallible Gaydar. This may turn out to be a Papal blessing. Perhaps, having their very essences attacked so viciously, thousands of the best cardinals, bishops, priests and seminarians will finally free themselves of Catholicism.
Bay Area Reporter, Roberto Friedman's "Out There" column, 9/29/05: We close with two riddles from our curious correspondent Strange de Jim. Thanks, Strange! Q: How can the Vatican find all the gay seminarians? A: Send in cute inspectors. Q: What did the Vatican inspector say to the handsome seminarian? A: "If you have gay sex with me, I'll tell the Pope you're straight." Also tell him: Those are some eggs, Benedict.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 9/26/05 [reporting on party at the Commonwealth Club for Carl Nolte's The San Francisco Century and Fred Larson's Mystical San Francisco with text by Herb Caen]: Chronicle staff members who had pitched in were there, as well as such experienced partygoers as wisecracker Strange de Jim, writer Herbert Gold and rock photographer Robert Altman ...
Bay Area Reporter, Roberto Friedman's "Out There" column, 9/8/05: Time to dip into our bulging mailbag. Out There's beloved e-mail pen-pal Strange de Jim checks in. "Dear de Roberto, David Letterman tells me he's relieved Martha Stewart finally has her electronic ankle bracelet off. It kept leaving an ugly red mark on the back of his neck. Beep beep! Love, Strange."
|San Francisco Bay Times, 9/1/05,
Dear de Bay Times,
Dishing by Liz Smith, Simon & Schuster, 2005, page 121: Someone named Strange de Jim said, "I don't like to eat snails. I prefer fast food."
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 8/19/05: Strange de Jim asks if it's true that California law requires you to talk on your cell phone while taking your driver's test.
|To see my photo history San Francisco's Castro, showing how a quiet Irish-Catholic neighborhood suddenly added "World's Gay Mecca" to its list of attractions, visit http://members.aol.com/strangecastro.|
Bay Area Reporter, Roberto Friedman's "Out There" column, 7/7/05: The estimable gentleman Strange de Jim says, and I agree, "If the President wants to get his message across, he should just jump up and down on Oprah's couch, like the true professionals do" Beep beep to you too, Strange.
San Francisco Independent, Hank Donat's "Heart of the City" column, 5/14/05: Half the column was about how P. Hiram Hogg, a San Francisco nut now living in Louisville, Kentucky, has gotten Carol Channing, Margot St. James, Carole Vernier, Christopher Caen, Hank himself and me inducted into the Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels, joining Lyndon B. Johnson, Muhammad Ali, Ann-Margaret, Tiger Woods and Whoopi Goldberg. Hank says: "It's fitting that Strange de Jim should hold an equal or greater rank than Col. Janis Karpinski, the demoted commander of soldiers responsible for prisoner abuse at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. No one was ever seriously injured from one of Strange's famous punch lines, no matter how torturous the pun."
|Here I am in Merla Zellerbach's "Let's Dish" column in the May 2005 Nob HIll Gazette. I'm at the luncheon for Herb Caen's birthday memorial at Moose's.|
San Francisco Examiner, Christopher Caen's column, 5/5/05: However, the book says that good things will come to those who wait. This came true for one Strange de Jim. I received an envelope last week announcing that our own Strange has been commissioned as a Kentucky Colonel. I was completely unaware of the existence of a Kentucky Colonel, but apparently it is the highest honor awarded by the Commonwealth of Kentucky. Past recipients include Lyndon B. Johnson, Winston Churchill and astronaut John Glenn. The commission comes with a very impressive certificate, and Strange will have to call me to receive it. I am assured that the offering of mint juleps is the only way to receive your commendation, and I bet that isn't in the book!
Bay Area Reporter, Roberto Friedman's "Out There" column, 4/28/05: And now, a special, intimate look into our mailbag. "Dear de Roberto, She was drinking buddies with Pope John Paul II. With him gone, I was afraid we'd lost our most strident voice of caring and compassion at the Vatican. Great news! Dame Edna used to play pinochle in Potsdam with the new Benedict XVI. He calls her 'Saint Edna.' She calls him 'Eggs.' Beep beep! Love, Strange."
Bay Area Reporter, Roberto Friedman's "Out There" column, 4/21/05: The de-lovely, de-lightful Strange de Jim writes into de column: "Dear de Roberto, What a blessing that Escorts for the Elderly has been saved! I'm told they even arrive at your door with a free Viagra. Only in San Francisco. Love, Strange." Strange is currently applying for an agricultural subsidy, hoping that the federal government will pay him to grow less corny.
San Francisco Bay Times letters 4/7/05: If You're Feeling Strapped ... (or want to be). Congratulations on your new web site. I've posted my free personals ad: "GEEZER SEEKS SUGAR-DAUGHTER/SON. Photo and bank statement, please, to P.O. Box 14369, SF 94114." Can't depend on Social Security it seems. Strange de Jim, San Francisco.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 4/8/05: The Herb Caen choir sang its annual chorus of hallelujahs at Moose's on Wednesday. Ed Moose conducted, the Rev. Cecil Williams opened the service, and Ann Moller Caen sang a tuneful solo, with supporting roles performed by Herb's assistant Carole Vernier, town historian Carl Nolte, Caen pal Barnaby Conrad and singers Pat Yankee and Wesla Whitfield. There were a few chairs unoccupied: Willie Brown was at Johnnie Cochran's funeral; Christopher Caen was stuck at his office. Strange de Jim was in full Caen regalia, commemorative T-shirt and hat ...
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's column, 3/16/05: Strange de Jim's pal Dennis Miller says Jackson's Neverland Ranch has the only children's playroom with a wine cellar, prompting the vinous query, "What wine do you serve with Macaulay Culkin?"
Bay Area Reporter, Roberto Friedman's "Out There" column, 3/3/05: Our puckish pen-pal Strange de Jim drops a line: "Dear de Roberto, My new Aunt Ethel invited Brad and Jen to her Bev Hills estate and turned them over to Granny Fifi and me for pleasure-healing. Next night, Brad and Jen, as you know, were surprise guests on Letterman, where their rekindled love and devotion inspired millions of couples, who were, fortunately, already in bed. Dave was so moved he looked right into the camera, and, tears streaming down his face, begged his son Harry's mom: 'Possums, please marry me!' Or did I just imagine all that? Beep beep! Love, Strange."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's column, 2/16/05: Strange de Jim whispered to me that when he told his pal David Letterman he was going to the Bob Dylan/Merle Haggard show at the Oakland Paramount, Dave said, "Tell 'em to break a hip."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's column, 2/4/05: Which somehow reminds me of another subtle aesthetic judgment — made when Strange de Jim turned to Chef Jeremiah Tower at Stars and said, "This mushroom soup tastes like shiitake."
Bay Area Reporter, Roberto Friedman's "Out There" column, 1/20/05: "Dear de Roberto," beloved correspondent Strange de Jim writes in violet pen, "at last it's coming out. Jen has named Dame Edna as the other woman, while Brad has named Dame Edna's manager, Barry Humphries, as the other man. We should have known all along. Love, Strange."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's column, 1/10/05 (after the Mayor and his wife announced they were filing for divorce): And here's Strange de Jim settling rumors: "It is not true that Kimberly has named me the other woman and that Gavin has named me as the other man." ... Thank gawd.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's column,
12/6/04: Strange de Jim, Chet Helms and Herb Gold pirouetted over to
City Lights Thursday evening along with the surviving Cockettes for a
'do in honor of Sweet Pam Tent's new book "Midnight at the Palace," her
history of the famous gender-bender troupe. "Looking at the slides,"
said Strange, "I felt positively middle-aged again."
San Francisco Independent, Christopher Caen's column, 11/20/04: And stop the presses, because we have a Strange sighting. No, no, not a strange sighting, a Strange sighting. As in Strange de Jim. Strange was responding to my comment last week about the state of our streets. He pointed out that Dr. John Newmeyer has organized volunteers to pick up litter once a week in the Castro. Now, I should point out that the good doctor is the brother of Catwoman Julie Newmar, and there is no truth to the rumor that the collected trash is being shipped southward to provide ammunition for her feud with neighbor Jim Belushi.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's column, 10/29/04: More unmentionables: Strange de Jim was in Cafe Flore the other morning when a guy walked in wearing only a football jersey, tennis shoes and a disposable diaper. De Jim says he was a nice looking guy, but de Jim didn't ask him to sit down and take a load off. ... Ah, it's a Strange de Frisco, and we wouldn't have it any other way.
Bay Area Reporter, Out There, Roberto Friedman, 10/7/04: San Grandisco’s very own vox populi Strange de Jim sends Out There word that he just missed running into Dame Edna at ye olde Folsom Street Fair a few weekends back. But since he knows she reads our column, “Could you tell her the answer to what she asked at Megastars Anonymous is, ‘Johnny Depp or maybe Madonna, excuse me, Esther?’ Thanks.” No problem, Strange.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's
column, 9/29/04: Strange de Jim asks: “The suspense is killing me.
Who’s going to take over for Conan O’Brien in 2009?”
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik’s column, 9/29/04: … and singer Richard Strange. (Straanger Stranges pop up strangely. Is he related to Strange de Jim? Robert Strange McNamare?)
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery's column, 8/9/04: Memo to Dame Edna, who
is a faithful reader: Strange de Jim wants to reach you. He has a
script for you based on his book "Billions in Ecstasy." But he says
your manager Barry Humphries is blocking his e-mails ... It's a great
story. Takes place in Marin at a Crystal Palace overlooking Sweet
Georgie Lucas' Skywalker Ranch. Hurry, Dame Edna. If you don't take the
role, Dolly Parton will.
Noe Valley Voice, Short Takes, March,
2004: Stranger Than Fiction: Strange de Jim will bring whimsy and
philosophy to Cover to cover Booksellers for a book-signing and slide
show on Friday, March 26, at 7 p.m.
A San Francisco original, Strange contributed hundreds of items to Herb Caen’s column from 1972 to 1997, and was honored to speak at Caen’s funeral. “I think my favorite contribution to his column was ‘Monogamous is what one partner in every relationship believes it to be,’” Strange says with a laugh.
He’s making a splash now because of his third book, San Francisco’s Castro. Published last November by Arcadia Publishing and already in its second printing, the book contains more than 200 photos and descriptions of the Castro/Eureka Valley from the 1870s to the present.
In describing his prior books, Strange says Visioning is about ‘how to believe your dreams into reality,” and The Strange Experience has photographs of 100 friends he “attracted accidentally.”
Take all of your Strange questions to Cover to Cover, 1307 Castro Street near 24th Street; 282-8080.
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham's
column, 2/11/04: On Monday, Strange de Jim heard Letterman mutter,
“Forty years ago tonight The Beatles performed on this very stage. Now
look what you get.” … Yes, look what we’ve got.
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham's column, 2/9/04: Strange de Jim, no stranger to the more enjoyable things in life, checks in with “Happy Year of the Golden Monkey” greetings. “Although,” Strange adds, “I’m still writing ‘Year of the Fruit Bat’ on my checks.” … Janet Jackson’s absence from last night’s Grammys compels Strange to advise: “Remember, if we let the nation be traumatized by Janet Jackson’s right breast, the terrorists have won.”
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham's
column, 2/04/04: Strange de Jim liked the Letterman line: “After the
Super Bowl, Bush called to congratulate the Patriots, and Bill Clinton
called Janet Jackson.” [When Janet bared her breast during the halftime
San Francisco Spectrum, Jacques Michaels' column, 2/04: San Francisco’s Castro, a new book by Strange de Jim, is flying off the shelves, and the publisher has ordered a second printing. You can check out his website, which has a history of the Castro with lots of photos: http://members.aol.com/strangecastro/.
Bay Area Reporter,
Friedman's column, 1/22/04: Finally, in reference to that
recent Chron cover story of SF character Strange de Jim (which hit the
stands a mere four weeks after our own), de Jim told us, “The
photographer took hundreds of shots. I guess he had to keep snapping
until he finally got one where I didn’t look exactly like Brad Pitt.”
We know the problem.
San Francisco Chronicle, 3-page, 5-photo cover story of the “Friday” section by Dave Ford, 1/23/04. See it on the Chron site http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2004/01/23/WBGG04CEG31.DTL. Click on the photos to enlarge them and read the captions.
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 1/2/04:
It was good to see crowds of people at Books Inc, in the Castro during
Christmas Week waiting for the inimitable Strange de Jim to sign their
copies of Strange's acclaimed book, "San Francisco's Castro," for them.
... The Bay Area Reporter newspaper says, "Strange is the wittiest,
most over-the-top character this side of Quentin Crisp." ... Which side
of Quentin Crisp? ... I've seen the serious side of Strange de Jim --
once, I think. ...
Bay Area Reporter, 1/1/04, did an interview and review of my “San Francisco’s Castro,” calling it “a treasure chest” and “a breathtaking achievement.” To see the whole story with photos, go to www.ebar.com.
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 12/25/03: [Christmas poem]: For Vernon Alley and Boutros Boutros Ghali -- by gosh, by gum, by golly – Here come Sal & Mary Salma … with Strange de Jim … and Salvador Dali.
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 11/25/03: Now that we’re in the Castro his curious self, Strange de Jim, dropped by The Examiner yesterday with a copy of his fascinating new book, “San Francisco’s Castro,” which is part of the well-known “Images of America” series, published by Arcadia. It’s a 128-page photo history with commentary about the neighborhood from the 1880s to the present. The website is: http://members.aol.com/strangecastro/. No “www.” It has to be noted that the book comes just before the anniversary of an event that changed San Francisco history. Harvey Milk, who is featured prominently in Strange’s book, and George Moscone were killed 25 years ago this Thanksgiving Day.
The Independent, Hank Donat, 8/12/03: After wearing a pillowcase in public for decades, Herb Caen’s favorite correspondent, Strange de Jim, was introduced in the lobby of the Marines Memorial on Sutter Street sans sac. It seems that de Jim, one of the city’s sharpest wits, is openly strange. A frequent contributor to other writers, de Jim’s own upcoming projects include a memoir, “True Love,” and a photographic history of the Castro.
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 7/30/03: Strange de Jim is not all that shocked to hear of the break-up of Liza Minnelli & David Gest. “I know the reason,” sniffs Strange. “Irreconcilable similarities.”
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 7/23/03: Strange de Jim keeps vigil over the late-night shows. Strange’s favorite line from last week comes from Conan O’Brien: “A convict in New York is suing to get a sex change. It’s his cellmate’s idea.”
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 7/16/03: There was the iconic, Iaconic Strange de Jim, hero of the Herb Caen column, at the Marines Memorial the other night. Strange says Jay Leno was attempting to ridicule S.F. with this, “San Francisco’s population is going down faster than any other major city’s. People in San Francisco are not reproducing. That’s a puzzler.” With that, Leno rolled his eyes. … A gay slur, of course. Not particularly funny nor accurate. Not funny is less forgivable.
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 6/10/03: Strange de Jim just got back from the North Country, visiting his brother and his family. “On the highway near their lake house a timber truck was rolling up the ramp, “Strange reports. “My brother observed, ‘Look! He’s logging onto the Interstate!’”
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 4/30/03: Speaking of ominous politics, Strange de Jim culled this from Leno: "President Bush is coming to California to meet with Governor Gray Davis and come up with the worst economic plan ever."
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 4/29/03: Strange de Jim caught Leno on a Jaywalk. "Where do they speak Gaelic?" Jay asked a young lady on the street. "I dunno," she shrugged. "San Francisco?"
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 4/25/03: Strange de Jim is looking forward to Bob Hope's 100th birthday on May 29. "He tells me he's performed for 11 presidents — and entertained 6 of them," Strange reports. "To the troops on the battlefield he'd say, 'I don't know how you men got here, but I hope it taught you a lesson.' What a man!"
San Francisco Examiner, Bruce Bellingham, 4/11/03: Strange de Jim caught Jay Leno musing, "Even if Saddam is still alive, we have all his palaces. Now let him see how Republicans treat the homeless." ... George Dubya has prior experience in seizing presidential residences.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/21/03: "Good Lord," said Strange de Jim yesterday in the Civic Center, "all these people protesting the opening of the Asian Art Museum?" [It was a big antiwar protest.]
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/28/03:
Off to Moose's we go, where we find Dame Edna ensconced with her pal
Strange de Jim. Dame Edna, whose caring show opens tonight at the
Curran, took Strange's love life in hand. She never stops giving. She
scrawled some love lessons on a napkin: "Look before you sleep with
someone." ... "Two's company; three's going to require some flexibility
on everyone's part." Strange adds that Dame E's proctologist friend got
lonely, so he decided to look up some old friends.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 1/24/03: Another big drop in the stock market indexes. Strange de Jim sighs, "Why don't they just call it the Dour Jones Average?"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 1/20/03: Strange de Jim's pal Jay Leno said of the naked women peace demonstrators, "They were in Marin County spelling out 'peace' with their bodies. I feel sorry for the woman who has to be the 'A.'" Leno said if they really wanted to impress Dubya, they would spell out "oil company."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 1/16/03: Strange de Jim's pal Jay Leno on those fires down in Malibu: "That was Governor Gray Davis trying to burn down California for the insurance money ... California's so broke they're cutting way back on education. Now seven or eight students are going to have to have sex with the same teacher."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 1/9/03: Noo Yawk is still blustering about Sunday's game. David Letterman quipped: "The NFL apologized for the officials' mistake in the Giants-49ers game. The Giants should have been given one more opportunity to blow it ... While they were at it the NFL also apologized for Terry Bradshaw." ... Letterman also did a Top Ten List of refs' explanations for their botched call. Strange de Jim, Letterman's local amanuensis, kindly sends along the choicest: "In a very roundabout way we were trying to put pressure on North Korea. ... Spent the pre-game tailgating with Diana Ross. ... It's all part of God's plan, and God doesn't like the Giants." ... Craig Kilborn of "The Late Late Show," cracked, "In the big New York restaurants now, if you choke they make you an honorary Giant."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 1/8/03:
(after the 49ers beat the N.Y. Giants, who'd had a huge lead): Strange
de Jim's pal David Letterman stepped out on stage Monday and quipped to
his audience, "Well, that applause lasted about as long as a Giants'
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 12/24/02: (This was P.J.'s Christmas poem in which he included all the people he writes about: "De poem's getting odd, strange even for de Jim."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 12/23/02:
The gals at The Lusty Lady, who are on strike for better conditions,
came up with a list of requirements. Says Strange de Jim's pal David
Letterman, the striking strippers demand: "If we work a bachelor party,
we get invited to the wedding." ... "Professional courtesy at strip
malls." ... "A workplace free of sexual harassment" and ... "heated
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 12/18/02: Strange de Jim's winning joke: "Trent Lott says, 'Don't pick on me. Look at the PGA — five hundred white guys chasing a black man.'"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 12/10/02: Strange de Jim's pal, Jay Leno, quipped: "The only unionized strippers in the country, at the Lusty Lady in San Francisco, are on strike, and I hope nobody crosses that picket line. If there's one thing you don't want to see at a strip club, it's scabs."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 12/6/02: The City's sassy pundit, Strange de Jim, was among the revelers [at Shreve Jewelers 150th anniversary party]. "I've never seen so many people and so few hors d'oeuvres," he cracked. As for the latest on Zsa Zsa [after a car wreck]: "She's hanging by a thread, but it's a gold lame thread." Even better: "She would have worn her seat belt, but it wasn't jewel encrusted."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 11/22/02: Strange de Jim's pal Zach Galifiniakis says he went to a cross-dressing store: Susan B. Anthony.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 11/19/02:
Strange de Jim's pal Conan O'Brien says you can tell that the Jint's
new manager, Felipe Alou — who is 67 or 68, depending on what documents
you read — is indeed the oldest manager in bizball, because when the
team takes the field, Alou yells, "You kids get off my lawn!"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 10/30/02: Strange de Jim's pal Craig Kilborn rounds out the season, declaring, "Barry Bonds has seen more balls this season than the women on 'Sex and the City.'"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 10/23/02:
Fahgeddabout baseball for a mo: Strange de Jim's pal Tina Fey said it
on Saturday Night Live: "Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are getting
married next month in Vegas. They're registered at the Center for
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 10/18/02:
Strange de Jim's pal Jon Stewart puts it this way. "It's an
all-California World Series — or as the rest of the country calls it,
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 9/13/02: Long time no Strange de Jim. He checks in: "My aunt lost her religion during a difficult third birth. Now my cousins Faith, Hope and Brenda are visiting me. Brenda says she knows she's in San Francisco, because the palm trees in Union Square are all into bondage." Actually, the fronds are freeing themselves these days, finally bursting through their hemp cords.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 8/26/02:
And just plain Strange de Jim says, "Remember this: during a baseball
strike, at least they won't be able to walk B-Bop [Barry Bonds]."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 4/1202: Strange de Jim received a questioning e-mail from Stu Smith, who wasn't sure he had sent the e-missive to the right address. "Are you there?" wrote Smith. Replied Strange, "Not all."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 4/3/02: You asked for it, now you've got it: the best and pithiest of Strange de Jim. Strange, a true herbaholic, has taken the best of his contributions to Herb Caen's columns and posted them on the Web. Direct your browser to http://members.aol.com/ashkarp/herb.html. Remember, there's no "www" at the beginning of that address.
San Francisco Chronicle, Special "Herb Caen Days"
1. Rob Morse: "If it weren't for Herb Caen ... Strange de Jim wouldn't have had a place for his comment about San Francisco: "There's so much here here."
2. Herb's column from 6/4/85: Strange de Jim, after catching the Wagner opening at the Opera House: "Whew, am I relieved. I thought the 'Ring' cycle was an expose of my bathtub."
3. Jim Corrigan: Stranger Yet de Jim surfaced long enough last week to offer, "I won't eat snails — I prefer fast food."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 4/1/02: Good line from Jay Leno via his faithful San Francisco scribe, Strange de Jim: "Britney Spears' new restaurant is going to reflect her family-oriented lifestyle. You don't get dessert until you put a ring on her finger." Still a scandal that NBC and thus Leno can't generate a signal strong enough to reach all of San Francisco.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/27/02: Strange de Jim says, "The most embarrassing thing about airport security is testing positive for Viagra when you're being frisked."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/18/02: Nice line from Jay Leno, via faithful scribe Strange de Jim, "In her boxing match with Tonya Harding, Paula Jones kept turning away and getting hit on the back of the head — same thing that happened to her with Bill Clinton."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/11/02: Good line from Jay Leno, courtesy of faithful transcriber Strange de Jim. "Gary Condit lost. At last O.J. has someone to play golf with."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/28/02:
More Brits: According to the Telegraph of London, newlyweds Joan
Collins and Percy Gibson first met in San Francisco "where Mr. Gibson
stage-managed a production of 'Love Letters' starring Collins." Said
Jay Leno about the nuptials, "Joan Collins just married a man 35 years
younger than she is. Every night he feels old age creeping up on him."
Thanks to Strange de Jim, who faithfully sends along the best of Leno's
NBC monologues for those of us who still can't get it on our tubes. And
they call NBC a network.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/21/02: So here's the latest Leno from Strange de Jim, who's been culling gems from the "Tonight Show" monologue for those 200,000 Ess Effers who can't get NBC on the tube now that it broadcasts from an onion patch. Quoth Leno: "It's freezing at the Olympics. Bob Costas was actually blue. He got mistaken for a Smurf." ... "The FTC is suing Miss Cleo, saying she's a fraud. She may not even be Jamaican. They raided her house and didn't find any pot." ... And "Joan Collins just married a man 35 years younger. He asked her what she liked in bed, and she said, 'Handrails.'" Lastly, Craig Kilborn told his girlfriend he loves her cooking but still wants to see other food. ... Thank you, Strange.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/15/02: [After a paragraph explaining why we're giving Leno jokes] "Here's Strange's Leno crop: "They're giving out a quarter million condoms at the Olympics. Most will be used by athletes being screwed by the French and Russian judges. ... That figure-skating call was the worst decision ever made outside an L.A. jury. ... Pat Buchanan said that's the type of thing that's bound to happen when you let foreigners into the Olympics." ... And this fine line from Dave Letterman: "Kenneth is the first Lay to be subpoenaed since, well, Monica"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/13/02: Continuing with our public-spirited recounting of Jay Leno's jokes, official stenographer Strange de Jim reports the following: "A Pakistani athlete defected and is seeking asylum in a downtown Salt Lake City 7-Eleven." ... "Shaq missed the All-Star game because of a sore big toe. And it is a big toe. He has a neck brace on it." ... And, "That plane hijacker who was hit by an ax says he has half a mind to sue." ... Well, maybe you had to be there. But so long as 200,000 San Franciscans can't get NBC on their TVs, Strange de Jim will be there to transcribe the jokes. A regular Fiorello La Guardia is Strange.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/12/02: Two hundred thousand San Franciscans still can't receive NBC. But a half-million lettuce heads down near Salinas are getting it. Must be the rabbit ears. ... Anyway, help is here, at least with Jay Leno's monologue. Strange de Jim, relying on his years as a court reporter, has been busily transcribing Jay's words. Here for the NBC-less are the nuggets de Leno: "Jay said on Thursday, 'At Enron Field the players steal a base and then deny it.' And, 'Half of Americans now use the internet. The other half have sex with live partners.' ... On Friday, Jay was pretty lanme, but he did say, "Enron execs are stating to realize that 'Insider trading' means a whole different thing in prison.'" ... Thank you, Strange.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/7/02: Strange de Jim has courteously transcribed some of Jay Leno's monologues. Here's what Strange culled from the other night "The big theme, P.J., was the news that since Mike Tyson can't fight in Las Vegas, he's going to L.A. Said Leno, 'If Sodom says no, ask Gomorrah. ... L.A. gave Rodney King a drivers license, Robert Blake a gun license and O.J. a marriage license. Tyson should be able to get a license to fight.' Jay also says 71-year-old Mamie Van Doren's topless scene in 'Slackers' should win her a SAG award." Strange, you are an inimitable public servant.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/5/02: Strange de Jim checks in with the report Enron stock certificates are now available in two-ply.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 1/2/02: Strange de Jim heard from Frank DeCaro anent "Lord of the Rings." Says Frank, "It's the first three-hour epic about returning bad jewelry." ... Strange also likes Craig Kilborn's take: 'Lord of the Rings' is about a little elf who gets into all sorts of trouble. Sorry, I'm thinking of 'Vanilla Sky' with Tom Cruise."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 12/27/01: Strange de Jim reminds us, "Rodney Dangerfield met a woman so wild that when she made French toast she got her tongue stuck in the toaster."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 12/21/01: Here's Strange de Jim to the rescue with a joke: After Marilyn Monroe was served matzo ball soup three meals in a row, she asked, "Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 12/18/01: Strange de Jim hopped over to teeny Forbes Island off Pier 39 for the Xmas party for his favorite show, "Stomp." The highlight for Strange was the beautiful guest who wanted to be photographed nude in the quaint bedroom below decks. He had his Brownie ready. ... Al Franken told Strange he has vowed to quit buying heroin to 'hit the Taliban in the pocketbook."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 12/4/01: I'm not sure I get it but Strange de Jim says someone came up to him and said, "You have an anything butt, don't you?"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 11/30/01: Strange de Jim writes down the lines from "Absolutely Fabulous." To wit, Ab Fab's Edi discussing the Widow Lennon's nude pic: "Yoko Ono, that wall of hair!" To which Ab Fab's Patsy said, "You couldn't tell where her pubes ended and her feet began. Like a Yeti." The Brits are so cruel. ... American tv has its moments. Jay Leno cracked the other night about "that new book, 'The Art of the Female Orgasm.' Men think it's fiction, and women think it's self-help."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 11/2/01: Ready for Strange de Jim? Here he is. Says Strange, "My friend Rob Morrow, star of the old show 'Northern Exposure,' has a daughter named Tu Morrow. His wife's name is Debbon Ayer." ... Strange also heard from his pal Bob Saget. Says Saget, "A guy told me the World Trade Center was worse than Pearl Harbor. I said, 'Not the movie.'" ... Good line from David Letterman: "Last night at the end of the evening I'm paying my date, and she's afraid to open the envelope."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 11/1/01: Theater-loving Strange de Jim saw Monty Python's John Cleese in the second row of "Stomp" on Tuesday night. At show's end Cleese was on his feet for the standing ovation. Cleese is part of the growing British colony down in Montecito.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 10/23/01: Hey, Strange de Jim knows where Osama gets his supplies: Cave-Mart. But of course.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 10/10/01: Strange de Jim embraces the possibilities: "At first I pictured all the terrorists suddenly being dead, but that didn't seem very loving, so instead I visualized a gorgeous naked woman in a turban appearing before Osama and his men saying, 'Hello, boys. I'm Ms. Allah, and I'd like a little word with you.' When the tape of that would reach CNN, much hilarity and world peace would ensue. All we need is a gorgeous woman who can perform miracles while deflecting knives and bullets, speaks fluent Arabic and will work nude." ... The war is taking a terrible toll.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 9/10/01: Strange de Jim visited with Madonna in her dressing room. He reports, "Madonna asked me to thank Dame Edna for her excellent advice on family bathing: 'If little Rocco turns red, that water is definitely too hot for your bottoms.'" Thank you, Strange.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 8/28/01: "Just one word!" calls Strange de Jim, and promptly gives nine: "Wow! Stem-cell phone sex. It grows on you!" ... Strange's buddy Dame Edna does not believe in phone sex. said Dame Edna to a woman whose neighbor was having phone sex, "What on Earth could your neighbor have been saying? My late husband and I had a wonderful marriage, and on the odd occasion when we did perform a tasteful act of intimacy there was certainly no chatting involved. On the contrary, you could have heard a pin drop."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 8/24/01: Micky Dolenz of The Monkees tells Strange de Jim that these days, instead of panties, the Monkees female fans throw Depends.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 8/16/01: Strange de Jim says he does indeed love his now stem-cell phone, but he can't turn off the call wilting.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 8/15/01: Strange de Jim says he's growing a stem cell phone.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 8/8/01: The Castro Theatre's marquee reads, "'LUMUMBA' ONE EEK ONLY." Strange de Jim says it must be a horror movie that isn't very good.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 8/1/01: Strange de Jim, you will recall, was in a dither about what to wear to the party tonight at Clift, which Ian Schrager invited him to. When he heard the event was formal, Strange decided to forgo his usual T-shirt and pillowcase. "I'm going in my elegant off-the-shoulder thong," he said. Odd is de Jim. Perturbable he ain't. When Strange heard that the party laden with celebrities was last night, he did not grow shirty. "I can't believe all those celebrities didn't make the A-list," catted Strange to me.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 7/30/01: Strange de Jim is going to Ian Schrager's Clift Hotel opening party. "What T-shirt should I wear?" asks Strange. "With a pillowcase over my head is 'Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian' too obvious?" Strange always knows how to dress for the occasion.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 7/19/01: Catching up with the Strange de Family, we find Strange de Jim has just received a vacation e-mail from his brother Strange de John: "We took classes in West Coast Swing (staying upright during an earthquake), Savoy Lindy (the hoppy dance that includes the Charleston), and salsa (that's dancing while covered with tomato sauce). We're now prepared for any foreseeable social situation, including the reception following the elopement of a son."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 7/17/01: Strange de Jim is back from the running of the idiots in Pamplona, where he says he almost got al gored.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 7/12/01: Channeling: When KPIX dropped Jonathan Karsh, it dropped him completely. He's a nonperson over there. Karsh co-hosted KPIX's local on-the-town show. But he didn't come across as Ess Eff enough. How about Strange de Jim for host? He could show us some back roads.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 7/2/01: "It was so hot today that Sharon Stone sent hubby Phil into the polar bear cage," laughs David Letterman, courtesy of Strange de Jim.
San Francisco Examiner, Editor David Burgin subbing for P.J. Corkery, 6/21/01: This is so neat. Today I have another e-mail from Strange de Jim, a bonafide SFC (San Francisco Character) one of my heroes because for years he was a top source for one of my great journalism heroes, Herb Caen. This is heady stuff, this column thing. Anyway, Strange writes this time, "My hero Sharon Stone-Bronstein says, 'I've smelled Phil's feet, so I can't blame the poor dragon for thinking they'd be delicious."
San Francisco Examiner, Editor-in-Chief David Burgin subbing for P.J. Corkery, 6/20/01: OK, I am now honored, deeply, to present an item from one of my longtime heroes, San Francisco's own Strange de Jim, the late, great Herb Caen's favorite source. This is my first item with Strange in my gig as a three-dot stand-in:
Strange tells about the time he met Charlotte Shultz. This was at a "Beach Blanket Babylon" party. Says Strange, "She swore, 'If I'd known you were going to be here, I'd have worn a better dress.' I suavely came back, 'If I'd known you were going to be here, I'd have definitely taken a shower.'" ...
People ask who is Strange de Jim. I have no idea. In most public functions, insofar as I know, he wears a pillowcase with eyeholes over his head. He took off the pillowcase at Herb's funeral, but I did not recognize him from my travels. Clever guy. Truly a San Francisco character ...
Sorry, no Komodo dragon news today. Looked high and low, got nothing. Maybe tomorrow.
San Francisco Chronicle, Carolyne Zinko, The Scene, 6/17/01: Guests at the unveiling of the new wax figure of Mayor Willie Brown, held at Wilkes Bashford's store downtown on Wednesday, gasped at the sight of Hizzoner standing next to himself — was it live or was it Memorex? The crowd was studded with other famous S.F. figures — Strange de Jim, Dick Bright and his orchestra, Charlotte Shultz.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 6/13/01: "Oh my poor hero, Phil Bronstein," says Strange de Jim, still upset. "He really put his foot in it this time." ... Wilkes Bashford, the Examiner Period, and, so help me, the Wax Museum at Fisherman's Wharf, unveil the effigy of Willie Brown tonight at Wilkes' haberdashery. About 200 Certified San Francisco Characters, ranging from Strange de Jim to beefeater doorman Tom Sweeney to the Misses Brown and Sister Patrice Burns, will be present in the flesh to celebrate San Francisco along with Willie.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 6/12/01: An always caring Strange de Jim observes, "At least Phil Bronstein wasn't sitting on the Komodo when he was bitten. Strange says the dragon reported that Phil "tasted like chicken."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 6/8/01: Strange de Jim went to the opening of the return of "Rent" at the Orpfff. "From the lively cheers," he reports, "I'd say San Francisco has abandoned Rent control." ... Next Wednesday, Willie Brown's wax effigy will be unveiled at Wilkes Bashford's haberdashery. Strange will be there. But he will be veiled. "Wilkes called and invited me to the unveiling, " Strange says. "I was thrilled. Then Wilkes said, 'But you will wear your pillowcase, won't you?'" Bashford is a stickler for doing things the traditional way. Among those traditions is that no one in Ess Eff knows what Strange looks like.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 6/6/01: Strange de Jim knows how to shut up those insistent telephone marketers. "What are you wearing?" he asks the solicitor a few seconds into his or her spiel. I think Strange actually wants to know, but the question "works like a charm," says Strange. "Every one of them has hung up."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 5/29/01: The always-caring Dame Edna lunched with Strange de Jim in L.A. last Friday. Dame E. told Strange that the secret of her success is "career before family." She asked a lady at the next table why her leg was in a cast and learned that she'd broken it in Turkey. Dame E. inquired, "Were you climbing over some old ruin? Oh, I see you brought him with you." ... At her show at the Shubert, a woman in the audience said she was from Orange County. Dame E. observed, "They have some lovely homes there. Do you live near any of them?" Also, she revealed, "For security's sake I've hired Robert Blake. He said, 'Stay in the car.'"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 5/21/01: Strange de Jim, still in a forgetful mode, reports that when he asked his friend Trace, "Did you ever wake up beside someone, and couldn't remember his name," Trace replied, "I only date guys named Larry for that very reason."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 5/16/01: Is it earthquake weather we're experiencing? So it seems to Strange de Jim, whose pal George de Carlin says the safest place to be during an earthquake is in a stationery store.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 5/9/01: Strange de Jim mingled with a few hundred fine folks at the annual High Spring Day Picnic at Napa's Green Valley Ranch last weekend. Strange reports, "My host, Julie Newmar's brother, Dr. John Newmeyer, came in fourth in the hotly contested canoe race, and no one recognized Miss France, who came as a fit young man."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery (Guest Columnist, Examiner Editor Dave Burgin), 5/7/01: From none other than Strange de Jim: "P.J. Corkery has whatever Herb Caen had. I enjoy his column immensely, and you may quote me on that." Much obliged, Strange Person. You should know that The Ex has decided to award the GSFC medal to Strange, Genuine San Francisco Character. Any other nominees?
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 5/3/01: Producers Jonathan and Hillary Reinis bring lovable Dame Edna back to L.A. May 15 - 27. The Reinises are producing "Dirty Blonde" at Theatre on the Square here. So can't they fit the old doll into a schedule in Ess Eff? Strange de Jim hasn't been nearly so strange since the Dame departed.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 4/26/01: Strange de Jim was mouthing down a Dirty Blonde cocktail at Ponzu the other night. The elixer commemorates the Mae West show. How is the drink? "Don't ask," says Strange.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 4/20/01: Other theatrical blondes: Strange de Jim reviews the play "Dirty Blonde at the Theatre on the Square with an enthusiastic, "Go Mae West, young man. Go Mae West."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 4/12/01: From the Benighted Kingdom comes the word that Strange de Jim's friend Dame Edna has compiled the Regina Dialogues, an anthology of helpful chats with gal pal Queen Elizabeth II. The first: Queen E.: "Prince Andrew (age 5) keeps making the palace fountains bubble." Dame E.: "Fewer beans in his diet, Possum." It worked.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/30/01: Nathan Lane called Strange de Jim with a post-Oscar wrap: "The sad part is Bjork's swan dress was still alive during rehearsal. And, oddly enough, the sound a dying swan makes actually is 'bjork.'"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/23/01 [About the play The Vagina Monologues]: Strange de Jim e-mails, "I won't be at Theatre on de Square March 25. I can't bear to watch a Vagina closing."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/20/01: In the more imminent future, Strange de Jim reports that Tom Ammiano is going to Israel with a gay group. It's strictly "Don't Ask, Don't Tel-Aviv."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/16/01: Strange de Jim's pal George de Carlin asks, "If a man is standing in the middle of a forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/14/01: Strange de Jim is into the cosmic more than the cash. At Megastars Anonymous he and his great and good friend Dame Edna, were doing death. Dame Edna declared, "I want to die peacefully, like my grandfather — and not like those poor screaming people in his car."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/6/01: Add Strange Yoga: Strange de Jim and his great and good pal Dame Edna offer more advice to the hopelessly urbane. To a man who suspects his wife of having an affair with her yoga instructor, Dame Edna exercises these delusion-dispelling thoughts: "I have never really gone in for yoga, though my New Zealand bridesmaid, Madge Allsop and I occasionally practice Tae Kwon Do, in which she is invariably the injured party. Few yoga instructors are required to sign the Hippocratic oath, and since they are often in tempting proximity to scantily clad young housewives in provocative leggings, Nature can sometimes take its unacceptable course. Sometime when she is in her birthday suit gently start with her ankles and see if you can get them to a position just behind her ears. If this proves effortless, you have a problem."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 3/1/01: Strange de Jim's great and good pal, Dame Edna is advising the frustrated. To a woman who's never experienced a multiple orgasm, Dame E. writes, "In my day the word 'orgasm' was not even in the dictionary, and if anyone accidentally had one they would have been rushed to hospital."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/27/01: Strange de Jim's pal Harry Helbing thinks its a shame Bill Clinton doesn't still have the power to pardon poor Hera, the vicious dog.
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/21/01 [The lawyers whose dog killed a neighbor turned out to have just adopted a 34-year-old prison inmate, and in his cell were found porno pictures of his new mom.]:Strange de Jim is miffed. "What's the lady with the vicious dogs, who adopted the con, got?" Strange pens. "Ten inmates agreed to let me adopt them, but when I sent them nude photos of myself in provocative poses, they all backed out."
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/15/01: Scooplet: Strange de Jim has changed his name! From now on, influenced no doubt by the ascendancy of P.J.'s in the world, Strange de Jim is now J.P. (Just Plain) Strange ...
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/13/01: Strange de Jim checks in with the news that Kathie Lee Gifford's replacement is pregnant. Regis tells Strange de J, "If she names the kid Cody, I'm outta here." Strange, as far as I'm concerned, the infant will be known as "Kathie Lee Gifford's replacement's kid." ...
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/8/01: Flash from Strange de Jim: "Tom and Nicole split to date Anne Heche — who, though DeGeneres to a fault, has no Cruise control whatsoever. And I'm not Kidman." With those two, any which way is news, Strange de J ...
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 2/7/01: HOT DENIAL: Strange de Jim called in right away to say, "I'm not the cause of the breakup. Nicole and I, and Tom and I, are just good friends." Something like that is the strange de truth about Kidman and Cruise ...
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 1/26/01: The movie to see this wet weekend is Shadow of the Vampire, produced by Ess Eff's own megastar Nicholas Cage. Says Strange de Jim, "Willem Dafoe in Shadow of the Vampire had me on the edge of my seat — and several other people's." Huh? Guess you had to be there ...
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 1/16/01: Whewww, let's take a breath, and hand it over to the always clear-thinking Strange de Jim who saw this ad on the Web: "Expert massage — while-u-wait." ...
San Francisco Examiner, P.J. Corkery, 1/12/01: Note to that other old friend of three-dot column writing, Strange de Jim. Strange: send more quips. The editor didn't capiche the one about the sailor ...
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 10/13/00: Savion Glover, whose show opens Oct. 25 at the Golden Gate Theatre, was giving a master class Monday at Marines Memorial Theatre, and was asked his biggest challenge as a dancer. His answer, says Strange de Jim, "My left foot."
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 5/1/00: Joan Collins and George Hamilton wrote personalized notes on programs they autographed for staff members at the Marines Memorial Theatre at the end of the run of Love Letters, which moved on to San Diego. The theater people told Strange de Jim they couldn't remember anyone before taking the time to do that.
San Francisco Examiner, Cynthia Robins, 3/25/00: (On Caenfetti party at Wilkes Bashford): And column stalwart Strange de Jim, uncloaked long enough to revel in the spotlight (and yes, he is a real person, albeit a little grizzled by now).
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 3/23/00: Hors d'oeuvre at the "Caenfetti" party Tuesday night at Wilkes Bashford, celebrating a new musical about S.F. history from Herb's POV, included: Barbary Toast, Baghdad by the Beef, Son of a Pun Asparagus and Strange de Jim Strange Flavored Swordfish. The latter tastes best when lightly spritzed with Wilkes cologne.
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 1/21/00: Scoop City: J.P. (Just Plain) Strange checks in with a biggie. "With all the stir over the revelation of the other parent of Melissa Etheridge's baby, Dame Edna Everage proudly confided to me that her artistic son Kenny actually designed David Crosby's maternity clothes."
San Francisco Chronicle, Letters to the Editor, 12/26/99: Celebrating Herb: Editor—Thanks to Moose's for throwing a bash last Sunday afternoon to celebrate Herb Caen's annual Christmas poem. Father Floyd Litito, Sandy Walker and Matthew Kelley and da Mayor spoke. Herb's son Christopher recalled the agony Herb went through each year trying to rhyme all those names, and harry de Wildt recounted Herb's story of the man stopped by the police because his wife had fallen out of the car three blocks back. "Oh, thank God," the man exclaimed. "I thought I'd gone deaf."
Herb Caen lives! Strange de Jim, San Francisco
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 12/23/99 (On Moose's Herb Caen Christmas Poem Party): The still inexplicable Strange de Jim snagged an appetizer and commented, "I love crab cakes. Especially the cakes."
San Francisco Chronicle, Letters to the Editor, 11/11/99: Gossip With Pat: Editor—Whenever Par Steger and I met at parties, she'd call me over for a gossip, and I always found her a warm, cheerful, entertaining conversationalist. I'll truly miss her and her column. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 7/21/99: Marcel Marceau opened last night at Theatre on the Square. I bet this is one guy who can hail a taxi. Strange de Jim, tickets in hand, was worried, saying, "I'm speechless with excitement, but I hope he mimes in English since I don't not speak French." I assured Strange that there would be invisible English subtitles.
Bay Area Reporter Letters, 6/17/99: "Strange Jokes." I used to write jokes for Charles Pierce at $5 the pop. So great was his genius that my favorite line of his isn't even one of mine. It's the one where he was Tallulah Bankhead drawling to Bette Davis, "Bette, dahling, if you ever become a mother, promise me one of the puppies."
For a couple of years Charles didn't speak to me because I was quoted in Herb Caen as saying, "Charles Pierce's show at the Venetian Room is wonderful. Both new jokes are hilarious." And they were. And so was he, as St. Peter is no doubt discovering. Strange de Jim, San Francisco.
Bay Area Reporter Letters, 4/15/99: The B.A.R.'s front-page story on the Mayor and Board of Supes marrying 190 gay couples at City Hall reported how, during the ceremony, "The beautiful layered cake in the colors of the rainbow flag suddenly collapsed onto the table, as Supervisor Michael Yaki and staffers raced to save the multi-layered creation provided by Just Desserts."
Oops! I'd only meant to scoop a little icing from the corner. To be fair, I was only halfway through the bottom layer when the cake suddenly burst into tiers. Strange de Jim
San Francisco Chronicle, Letters to the Editor, 3/29/99: Dear de Chron—I hadn't realized so many Catholics were planning to spend Easter on Castro Street in the first place. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
Bay Area Reporter Letters, 3/4/99: Hard to Fathom. In Jeff Stryker Does Hard Time, the "straight" prisoner raped by the star emerges not just bi, but transformed from a nasty punk into a warm loving human being. I was fascinated that Mr. Stryker's fantasy, as revealed in his play, is that his male member is a wand with magical healing powers. Except for that time sitting next to Pamela and Tommy Lee, I don't know when I've been so simultaneously inspired and appalled in a theater. Strange de Jim, San Francisco.
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 2/23/99: Strange de Jim's review from the Victoria Theatre: "I was two seats from the Chron's drama critic as Jeff Stryker, the nation's leading gay porn star, ran naked up the aisle waving his erect power tool in the audience members' faces. Mr. Winn reported the evening as 'dull.' I love San Francisco!"
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 1/22/99: Strange de Jim reports that planetsoma.com offered to publish his web address and asked whether he'd prefer to be listed under "People links" or "San Francisco lonks." "I went with San Francisco, of course," says Strange. "But what are lonks?" Something you eat on bangles, maybe. By the way, "people links" are what pigs, if they ruled the world, would eat for breakfast.
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 12/14/98: In the spirit of the season, Strange de Jim makes this generous offer: "I'm willing to trade two Furbys for one Tickle-Me Drew Barrymore."
S.F. Weekly, Dec. 9-15, 1998: Overcoming ageism, racism, sexism and homophobia is the short path to wondrous shimmering orgasms … Billions of Virgins in Ecstasy will prove it. See for yourself, and send your friends to
http://members.aol.com/sdej (note no "www.")
Just Plain Strange Billions of Virgins
Just Plain Strange de Jim
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 12/10/98: Strangely Overcoming Homophobia: Especially for "straight" people, overcoming homophobia is the short path to wondrous shimmering orgasms. This is a startling claim, but, based on "hands-on" research with thousands of naked men and women, Billions of Virgins in Ecstasy will prove it. See for yourself, and send your friends to http://members.aol.com/sdej (note no "www.")
Just Plain Strange Billions of Virgins
Just Plain Strange de Jim
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 10/1/98: Dame Edna at Theatre on Square: I thought Robin Williams' hetero-transvestite British comic protégé had gotten safely back to London, but I just heard Wilkes Bashford is creating a pair of Eddie-Izzardskin pumps for Dame Edna's enormous San Francisco opening Oct. 7 at Theatre on the Square. Is this true? Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco.
Bay Area Reporter Letters, 10/1/98: Edna's Enormous Opening: I thought Robin Williams's hetero-transvestite comic protégé was safely back in London, but now I hear Wilkes Bashford is creating a pair of Eddie Izzard-skin pumps for Dame Edna to wear on her enormous opening October 7, at Theatre on the Square. I, personally, am training eight hours a day for the "Most Enlarged" and "Pole Vaulting" competitions in Dame Edna's Prostate Olympics 2000. Strange de Jim, San Francisco.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 7/14/98: and Strange de Jim notes that while whitehouse.gov gets you Bill Clinton & Co., replacing the "gov" with "com" gets you something very much else.
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 7/8/98: When Strange de Jim walks down the street in his T-shirt reading "ASK ME ABOUT MY VOW OF SILENCE," why are passersby rendered speechless?
San Francisco Chronicle, Jerry Carroll, 7/8/98: At Moose's the other day, actor Martin Hyland said: "Try tantric yoga. You'll never be the same again." Replied Strange de Jim: "I was never the same before, so I probably wouldn't be anyway."
San Francisco Chronicle, Letters, 7/7/98: City of Pride: Dear de Chron: The city whose largest annual event is a Pride Day, with the mayor, chief of police and fire chief riding in a parade, sponsored by the leading corporations, which celebrates people of all ages, races, sizes, shapes and genders.
What is San Francisco, Alex.
Wow! Love, Strange de Jim
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 7/1/98: Always awestruck by the wonders of San Francisco, Strange de Jim says he was wearing his "Nobody Knows I'm a Lesbian" T-shirt when he encountered a woman wearing one that said, "Nobody Knows I'm Elvis."
Sunday Examiner Pink Section Letters, 6/28/98: "Multiple Thumbs Up For 'More Tales.'" Editor—Armistead Maupin has created the first mainstream rainbow-sexual movie. I give Showtime's More Tales of the City three shimmering thumbs up. Strange de Jim, San Francisco
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 6/25/98: "Thanks, Armistead." Armistead Maupin has created the first rainbow-sexual movie. I give Showtime's More Tales of the City three shimmering thumbs up. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
San Francisco Chronicle Letters, 6/17/98: By the Nose: Continuing with the Brown dilemma raised by Nini McCabe (Letters, June 9), I had a different thought. I don't want to try to out-strange Strange de Jim. However, I thought Blue Nose and Brown Nose might be interesting (clunk). Irving Waldorf, San Francisco.
WTR (Working the Room), annual newsletter of Moose's restaurant, 6/98: "Strange de Jim Remembers the Late Herb Caen." Includes my 18 best Herb items, photo of me and Dame Edna Everage with caption: Strange de Jim poses in a happy moment with Dame Edna Everage, the person DNA experts claim is his real "Mum." Strange doesn't believe it. "As you can see, there is absolutely no family resemblance," he says.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 6/9/98: Culture vultures are roaming the Castro looking for Showtime subscribers, says Strange de Jim, so they can invite themselves in to see "More Tales of the City."
San Francisco Chronicle, Jerry Carroll, 6/8/98: Strange de Jim was present for the opening of "Dames at Sea" at the Marines Memorial Theatre, where a standing ovation greeted the cast at the end: "It was good clean fun, and I loved it anyway" …
San Francisco Examiner, Don Asmussen, "The Last Episode of 'The San Francisco Comic Strip.'" 5/31/98. Strange de Jim is shown with three flies circling his head, as a "high-powered comics industry type," attending the creation of the last strip.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 5/25/98: And Strange de Jim wonders if it's true that Carol Channing's husband said "Hello Dolly!" only twice in 41 years.
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 5/22/98:
Strange de Jim offers these idle queries:
"I wonder if the Viagra folks have approached Grace Slick about singing, 'One pill makes you larger …'?"
"Are you going to the Viagra 'Up With People' concert?"
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 4/30/98: "Fussy": What's all the fuss? I've always enjoyed discharging gays in the military. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco.
Bay Area Reporter Letters, 4/30/98: That Would Explain the Lasso … I know it was on Will Rogers State Beach that George Michael came a cropper for getting too closely in touch with his masculinity, but did the incident occur in the very restroom in which Will Rogers never met a man he didn't like? Strange de Jim, San Francisco
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 4/29/98: "I'm always the first to know and the last to find out," says Strange de Jim. And maybe it's just me, but does de Jim seem to be getting stranger? "People," he says, "tell me I'm hypercritical—but only from the waist up."
San Francisco Chronicle, Jerry Carroll, 4/28/98: Item sent: I know it was at Will Rogers State Beach that George Michael came a cropper for getting too closely in touch with his masculinity, but did the arrest occur in the very restroom in which Will Rogers never met a man he didn't like? Item printed: Singer George Michael's arrest at a Will Rogers Park men's room reminded Strange de Jim that Will used to say he never met a man he didn't like, but I think he meant something else.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 4/27/98: [on the new potency pill]: And pharmaceutical enthusiast Strange de Jim, a fellow nature-lover, proclaimed he "felt like he'd gone over Viagra in a barrel."
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 4/8/98: "Was it really Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli who died in Frankfurt on Sunday?" wonders Strange de Jim.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 3/23/98: Strange de Jim says that when he flew back last week from L.A. he was made to "check my dead badger … when obviously it was carrion."
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 3/2/98: "On the other hand," suggests Strange de Jim, "maybe Monica didn't know Bill Clinton was married."
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 3/2/98: And Y definitely KYISF [You Know You're in San Francisco] when Strange de Jim says of Phil [Bronstein who just married Sharon Stone]: "He's definitely getting the Oscar for Best Score."
San Francisco Chronicle, Letters, 3/1/98: De Ark. Editor - I don't like to look an de 'arkside, but hasn't it been raining 40 days and 40 nights? Love, Strange de Jim
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 2/20/98: Is Phil Bronstein going to remain exec editor of the Examiner, wonders Strange de Jim, or will he and Sharon Stone try to squeak by on her salary?
San Francisco Chronicle, Tom Fitzgerald's "Top of the Sixth" column: "I went snowboarding once," says Strange de Jim, "but I didn't inhale."
San Francisco Chronicle, Jerry Carroll's "Lively Arts" column: "Isn't it great CBS has the Olympics so we don't have to miss any of our favorite programs?" asks Strange de Jim.
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 2/16/98: Strange de Jim wonders, with all that confidential info trickling out of the big investigation, if Kenneth Starr says to his secretary, "Miss Jones, take a leak."
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 1/28/98: And wise guy Strange de Jim thinks we'd be better off "forgetting the President's sex life and just concentrating on cloning Drew Barrymore and Brad Pitt."
San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler, 1/9/98 (also S.F. Bay Guardian 1/14/98 and S.F. Bay Times 1/22/98): And maybe Strange de Jim is getting a little de Cynical, because he says the question that sums up the '90's is, "Where were you when you heard Sonny Bono died?"
San Francisco Chronicle, "Letters," 9/9/97: "Elton John's Gift." Editor -- Dear de Chron, Elton added Marilyn's legend to her own, and sang them from Westminster Abbey. The Queen of Hearts would have loved her millions of mourners bursting into smiley tears and applause. What a Gift! Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
San Francisco Chronicle, "Letters," 9/4/97: "Mom & Paparazzi's." Editor -- Dear de Chron: When I was a kid we just had little Mom & Paparazzi's, and the celebs had to stand stock-still for 30-second exposures. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
San Francisco Chronicle, Jerry Carroll, 8/27/97: Strange de Jim is trying to sell his memoirs. It's been a life full of scenes like this: "It was at artist Satty's party for Jack Nicholson that Strange said to the star, 'I saw you in Gone With the Wind, and you were just great.' Jack, very straight, 'That was Clark Gable.' Strange: 'Same difference.'" There'll be some head-scratching at the publishing houses.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 8/19/97: The uncle of a kid in Strange de Jim's neighborhood sold Champion to Gene Autry.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 7/23/97: Uncertified public accountant Strange de Jim was stunned that the Cypress Structure will cost $4,000 per inch, and points out that for the same total price, Mike Tyson could have bitten Evander Holyfield 417 times.
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 7/10/97, "Dave Parks & Nan Ford" Dear de S.F. Bay Times, The way Dave Ford and Nan Parks combined their columns in your June 26 issue was brilliance on a stick. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
S.F.Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 7/1/97: [On Evander Holyfield match]: The next fight, says Strange de Jim, will be Mike Tyson vs. Marv Albert [accused of biting a woman's back].
Bay Times Letters, 6/12/97: Dear de Bay Times, All I remember about the President's "part" is how enormous it was. Oh, and that light area where he'd had one of the tattoos removed.
And, on another topic, my own Davies Hall review, Liza Minnelli' so "with it," even her surgical replacement is hip. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
Bay Area Reporter Letters, 6/12/97, "Strange Penmanship:" I blame my peculiar handwriting. In the letter you printed May 29, I meant to say Cintra Wilson in her Fridays-only Examiner column "printed," not "pirated," my observation that since Jack Davis' party I've been careful to order my Jack Daniels neat. Please accept my apologies. Strange de Jim, San Francisco
Bay Area Reporter Letters, 5/29/97, "Bentadine monk:" Since Jack Davis' party I've been careful to order my Jack Daniels neat. Cintra Wilson pirated this observation in her May 16 Examiner column, and warned me, "Yes, and, remember: After someone urinates down your back, make sure to Bentadine your pentagram."
What a coincidence! I keep a Bentadine monk chained to my futon for just that purpose! Do you absorb Cintra every Friday in the Zam? Her photo shows a flame-headed temptress, and she bills herself as "The Psychic Supergenius." I certainly believe her. Strange de Jim, San Francisco
S.F. Examiner, Cintra Wilson, 5/16/97: Dear de Cintra: Since Jack Davis' party I've been careful to order my Jack Daniels neat. Love, Strange de Jim. Dearest Mr. Jim: Yes, and, remember: After someone urinates down your back, make sure to Bentadine your pentagram.
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 5/15/97, "Bottles up de Butt:" My pal Jeff Boothby went to the notorious Jack Davis party and says, on the whole, he prefers his Jack Daniels neat. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
S.F. Bay Times Letters, 5/1/97, Ellen and Diane. I doubt if I could have answered all Diane Sawyer's questions about my own sex life honestly, while being indiscreet only once. And when Ellen relived being kicked out of the house for being gay, she melted my heart all over my futon. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
S.F. Frontiers "Letters," 4/24/97: "Role Modeling."
Ellen came out just in Time, but it's ended her modeling career. She can no longer pose as a straight woman. Strange de Jim, San Francisco
San Francisco Examiner, "Cintra Wilson FEELS YOUR PAIN," 4/18/97, p. D-17
Dear de Cintra: Bless you. You told me the woman I love, Betty Meeks, who just starred here in "The Foreigner" is a GUY. Well, Cintra, the scales fell from my eyes.
"That's why you have a 12-inch clitoris" I cried. Burly Betty just looked modest.
The only disagreement we have now is that Betty always makes me walk the dog. "I can't keep up with him, Strangie-poo," Burly B. wheedles. "After about a block I just can't pee anymore." Love, Strange de Jim
Dearest Mr. Jim: We can't say "clitoris" in The Examiner. This is a family newspaper. Shame on you. Perhaps you and your little friend should enroll in a respectable charm school, with lots of 275-lb., tattooed ex-cons with huge meaty forearms and thick belts who will wash your mouths out and otherwise discipline and aid your socialization process. Don't delay.
S.F. Bay Times, Letter to Editor, 4/17/97
DRIVE CHRYSLER WILD: Since Chrysler has declined sponsoring Ellen's coming-out episode to avoid being associated with the notoriety, I think Ellen's love interest should just rave about how much lesbians LOVE the Le Baron. Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco
San Francisco Examiner, Cintra Wilson's column, April 11, 1997, p. D-19
"HOLD ON WHILE I ASK MY HIGHER SOURCE"
Dear de Cintra,
I've fallen in love with Betty Meeks, the star of The Foreigner at the Marines Memorial! If you'd unzipped the fly on the wall at Stars last night, you'd have seen me looking calf-eyed at Burly Betty as she remarked to the owner, "I think Strange is right, Jeremiah. This mushroom soup does taste like shiitake."
Betty's perfect for me! She even thanked me when I left the seat up! ("For a minute there, Strangie-poo, I got to think I'd lost a ton of weight.") Betty's had her way with me every night since we met (except the night I was late, when she had her way without me), but I'm fearful. She's a glamorous actress. I'm just a genial geek. You're the expert, Cintra. Can this relationship last? Love, Strange.
Dearest Mr. Strange: The following is a transcript of the conversation between me and my West Coast Associates, from whom I was trying to divine information concerning your affair:
Myself: That Strange d'person wrote to me again.
Mother: Oh no (chuckle). What does he want?
Myself: What do you know about some fat actress at the Marines memorial named Betty?
Mother: Hold on a second while I get the Pink Section. Do you want to talk to your baby cousin? She's right here clinging to my knee.
Mother: Wait a minute . . . oh, OK, here it is . . . did you ever see Greater Tuna?
Mother: It was great. The Foreigner isn't supposed to be great, but it's Greater Tuna-related.
Myself: So who is this "Betty?"
Mother: Betty is a GUY. It's this big guy in drag.
Myself: Thank you, Mrs. Wilson, you've been an enormous help.
Mother: Yeah, it's a guy. Do you want to talk to the baby? She can say "That" and "nose."
Well, Mr. Strange, blossoming same-sex relationships are invariably a crap-shoot, but to paraphrase gay advice columnist Michael Savage, what you should do is, as quickly as possible, see if you're at all physically compatible.
Once you've established that all the cylinders fit the pistons, then you can let the personalities squirm it out over dinner with Jeremiah, and see if your flirtation has the legs to evolve into Love. I bequeath upon you a blessing of Sensual Good Luck!
San Francisco Chronicle, Tom FitzGerald "Top of the Sixth," 4/4/97: "With his temper," says Strange de Jim, "I'd rate Dennis Rodman an extremely cross dresser."
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik, 4/3/97: A headline on page A4 of Tuesday's Chronicle said, "Fire During Florida Execution Blamed on Corroded Copper." Strange de Jim, faithful interpreter of The Chronicle, wonders what led the poor flatfoot astray.
San Francisco Chronicle, "In Praise of Herb Caen" Section, February 12, 1997
At Your Father's Funeral
Editor -- What do you do when you encounter a man with a pillowcase over his head at your father's funeral?
Christopher Caen just said, "Thank you for being here, Strange." And that's why I love San Francisco.
(Formerly Strange de Jim)
San Francisco Chronicle, Letters to the Editor, February 12, 1997
Dear de Chron:
On 2/28/95 Herb Caen printed this item:
Pressing on: S.F. masseur Martin Hyland is going to the White House this Fri., as, in his term, entertainer Michael Feinstein's "date," and also for a private audience with His Billiness, Pres. Clinton. When Martin's older sis, Denise, went to Georgetown U., she dated young Bill and even brought him to the Hyland family home in Montclair, N.J., where Bill taught the then-8-year-old Martin how to make French toast and peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
Imagine Martin's surprise when he opened Saturday's *Chronicle* to page A12 and found himself described as "tall, handsome and a good dancer," and also the "partner" of a fellow named Strange de Jim. Though he's too polite to mention it, I think Martin is hoping you'll correct the error. As is his partner Lance.
STRANGE de JIM
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