Strange in de Papers 2/12/97 - 8/23/07 / World's Largest Late-Night Zinger Collection / Herb Caen's Strangest Items 1972 - 1997 / Billions of Virgins in Ecstasy / Other Strange Sites / e-mail Strange


STRANGE DE JIM
IN DE PAPERS

FROM THE PRESENT BACK TO 2/12/97

(Click for 8/23/07 back to 2/12/97)

Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 12/2/16: According to philosopher Strange de Jim, "It's possible to be affronted by an aside."

Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 9/2/16: The other day, when someone called Strange de Jim "Mr. de Jim," he replied, "Call me Strange. Mr. de Jim is my mother."

Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 5/23/16: Strange de Jim says SF Museum of Modern Art's new Living Wall is, "I understand, the best revenge."

Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 12/23/15
I JUST HAD A JOKE IN LEAH GARCHIK'S COLUMN SO CORNY IT ENDED THE "DROUGHT TIPS" GAME THAT'S BEEN A DAILY FEATURE FOR MONTHS!

And in case you didn't notice, all the drought tips provided herein have been useless. But even by that non-standard, today's tip, from Strange de Jim, is so utterly low that it will mark the end of the series. Whatever you're doing, says Strange, "Hesitate ... until you get someone to ask,'Well, water you waiting for?' Then drink the well water."
Come on in, El Nino.

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 7/30/15

Leah Garchik
Strange de Jim calls the mining magnate "Poldark and handsome," but Jerry Coleman's family has "a new Poldark drinking game. Every time he rides his horse across the horizon, tip one. Monday hangover."
Poldark


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I AM NOW "FACEBOOK INVESTIGATED & CERTIFIED STRANGE"!!!
THIS WAS A SAGA.

Bay Area Reporter Letters, 3/5/15: BOOTED OFF FACEBOOK: NOT STRANGE ENOUGH
Feb. 20 Facebook froze my account, demanding govt.-issued ID and other proofs I'm really Strange de Jim. I sent an official Certificate of Recognition issued by the California State Senate on my 70th birthday.

assem

“Strange de Jim” in great big letters. I'll admit Senator Mark Leno, who wrote and signed the certificate, stretched credibility by saying, "Your zest for living is matched only by the ecstasy you share with each person whose life you touch. The world becomes a better place thanks to the role you continue to play in it." Still, it proved I was Strange! Facebook said no.

Between 1972 and 1997, “Chronicle” star columnist Herb Caen ran 300 Strange de Jim quips for his million readers. At Herb's memorial service, televised live from a packed Grace Cathedral, the eulogies were delivered by his son Christopher, S.F. Mayor Willie Brown, Robin Williams and myself. I was the only one wearing a pillowcase over his head.  And Facebook insists I'm not Strange!

I also showed Facebook a major bank debit card issued to “Strange de Jim” and, most ironically, a Facebook “Strange de Jim” debit card they'd mailed me after a Facebook friend used the site to give me a present.

debfr debbk

I'd bought treats at Jamba Juice with no problem. Facebook didn't buy it.

Mark Zuckerberg's new house is within easy walking distance. He's welcome to drop by the Castro and pinch me to convince himself I'm real.

Go to www.facebook.com/strangedejim to see if I'm back among the FB billion.
Strange de Jim
San Francisco

Then
Mz. Julie Newmar, the original Catwoman, supported me on Facebook.
julie bemoans


Then

Noted Author Armistead Maupin supported me on Facebook.
armie


Then
Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 3/9/15

A True San Franciscan, one who deserves that uppercase title, was given the Facebook heave-ho. That would be Strange de Jim, who was mentioned 300 times in Herb Caen’s column and is an avid user of the social network. Attempting to sign on to the site on Feb. 20, he was confronted with notice that he had been shut out, “cruelly dumped,” is how he puts it, because of the possibility his name was fake.
He was asked to provide possible proofs, he said, which he had, but that would mean he was handing over “even more of my private life.” He did send a copy of an official Certificate of Recognition from the California Senate on his 70th birthday, signed by Mark Leno, who wrote, “The world becomes a better place, thanks to the role you continue to play in it.”
Noted de Jim, “Mark Zuckerberg’s new house is within easy walking distance. He’s welcome to drop by the Castro and pinch me to convince himself I’m real. And Strange.” Meanwhile, the FB answer is no.


Finally

Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 3/12/15
GOOD GUYS WIN: A STAR IS RESTORED IN THE FACEBOOK GALAXY
Facebook has relented, and Strange de Jim is once again occupying his place in that social network. As reported herein a few days ago, the FB powers that be, claiming that Strange was too strange to be Strange, had closed down his page on grounds that the name is phony.
There were testimonials from all sorts of Strange friends, including Armistead Maupin and Julie Newmar, and even a poem from Don Stitt, who, while not comparing Strange to a summer day, did share: “When his Facebook page wound up deleted,/ Strange de Jim said, 'I shan't be defeated.’”
Facebook caved, as would anyone confronted with the word “shan’t.”

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Leah Garchik's column, S.F. Chronicle, 3/2/15: Walking by the Castro Theatre on Wednesday, Feb . 25, Strange de Jim noticed a long line of young people wearing black, leading him to proclaim, "Black is the new black." Fearless Strange asked someone: "Did Justin Bieber die?" The gathering was actually convened for fledgling hairdressers by the Paul Mitchell company.

Paul Mitchell

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Leah Garchik's column, S.F. Chronicle: Strange de Jim, who was at the Castro Theatre tribute to the late actor/drag queen Arturo Galster, said the crowd was stunned by him performing in a Japanese TV talent show, speaking with judges in Japanese. "Artruro spoke everyone's language," said his friend Helen Shumaker, "no matter what that language might be. Especially the language of the heart."
Geno Lucero reports that when three friends onstage described meeting him, the first two described theatrical settings. The third's account, "I met Arturo in an alley off Polk Street," got huge laughs. (I'm thinking it was a whole different language of the heart there.)
[Strange note: This third gentleman also said he was most impressed by Arturo's intellect and wit, "and his complete disregard for my feelings."]

ArturoGalsterPatsyNow


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Leah Garchik's column, S.F. Chronicle, 9/19/14:
Strange de Jim was on hand last weekend when Julie Newmar greeted fans at the Fork Cafe before receiving a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Castro Theatre, which was showing, “To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.”
Before the movie, Newmar was interviewed onstage by Jan Wahl, and presented by her brother, John Newmeyer, with the award. “You are what you wear,” she said in her acceptance speech. “Gay men dress well. You don’t spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.”
Much to Strange’s pleasure, the honoree also quoted de Jim’s observation about a Rainbow Honor Walk plaque for gay rights pioneer Harry Hay. De Jim said that Hay would have sex only during the day. “Hence the saying, 'We must make Hay while the sun shines.’”

NewmarHenchmen2

[Here were my private notes on the evening:
ARRGH!! Mz. Julie Newmar, 81, was at the Castro Theatre to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award. She mentioned me in her acceptance speech and asked me to sit with her during the screening of “To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.” We clutched each others' hands during the last scene where she appears in the famous $70,000 rubber-and-lace dress. There would never be a more perfect moment. I decided to go for broke. I popped the question …
But she REFUSED to give me the Devil's phone number!]

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 7/23/14: And you know you're at the Phoenix airport, writes Strange de Jim, when you come across Cowboy Ciao, a Southwestern/Mexican/Italian fusion eatery.

Cowboy Ciao

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eah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 7/30/13: Strange de Jim's brother, John de Jim, decided not to post a pic of himself in a swimsuit on the Net because he doesn't want to go virile.

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Peter Hartlaub
, San Francisco Chronicle, 7/5/13: [On the 75th anniversary of Herb Caen's first column, the Chronicle printed that column in its entirety.] But Herb Caen, on his first day as a columnist 75 years ago this day, was already in excellent Caen form. Imagine a foal running a stakes race, moments after its birth. Add a Strange de Jim contribution and this could be the 1970s.

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eah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 5/31/13: Strange de Jim says the owner of Joe's Barbershop on Market near Church wears a T-shirt that says, "My Barber Can Beat Up Your Stylist."

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eah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 5/14/13: And Strange de Jim forwarded a snapshot of a sign on Market Street in front of Izakawa Roku, offering Japanese tapas.


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eah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 5/2/13: Thanks to Strange de Jim for reporting that at a Monday night memorial service for Jonathan Klein of the Now Voyager Travel Agency, which specializes in arranging travel for gays and lesbians, his family sang "Send in the Kleins."

send in the kleins

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eah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 10/10/12: "Catwoman" Julie Newmar, a particularly heroic figure in the Castro, was honored here recently for her 60th year in show business. This earned her a resolution presented by Mark Leno, a proclamation presented by Scott Wiener and a thank you from Donna Sachet "for inspiring tall men to become beautiful women," reports Strange de Jim.
Below is a photo of Mz. Julie, yours truly and Donna Sachet.

newmar strange sachet

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eah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 8/2/12: Strange de Jim forwards proof that Kathy Griffin's been in San Francisco: an Instagram pic of her in front of the Antique Vibrator Museum.


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"San Francisco Bay Times" 7/26/12: [Rink Foto caught me between Cleve Jones and Stephen de Flatmate, coyly displaying my new State Senate Certificate of Recognition, at a recent birthday party at de Cafe Flore.]



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Donna Sachet "On the Town" column, S.F. Bay Area Reporter, 7/19/12: Strange fruit: What do you do for a true San Francisco personality on the occasion of his 70th birthday? Last Monday a group of loyal friends and fellow San Francisco personalities celebrated the birthday of Strange de Jim at Cafe Flore in the Castro. The guest of honor has added a whimsical charm and fresh quirkiness to our city for years, and his fondness for the color blue played in with decorations, cake, candles, and displays. Attendees included Stephen Pulis, Leah Garchik, Cleve Jones, Dan Nicoletta, Gary Virginia and Anna Damiani, with a Certificate of Honor from State Senator Mark Leno. Once again, Cafe Flore  proved the perfect place for a warm celebration with friends!


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Christopher Caen's column, Huffington Post, 7/13/12: Friday Feast: San Francisco Dinner Party: Those of you who have reading my scrawlings since the days of the Examiner column will know this game by now. We have done this before, and it seems about time to send the hamster around the wheel, if for no other reason than I love reading all the responses about what I forgot to put on the list.
For those irregulars who are more recent, the game is this: A friend comes to San Francisco. You have one day to show them around town, and by that I mean our town, not the one the double-decker busses puttering around Union Square show to people. The real, crazy, weird, unreasonable, joyous places that make us all wake up in the morning and think, "Yes! Another day in San Francisco."
Well, that was the game. I am now altering the game, and you can all blame Strange de Jim for this. Strange and I go back a ways, back to the beginning when he first sent an item to my father. He also was one of the people who spoke at my father's memorial service, and I was holding it together pretty well until he pulled the pillowcase off his head, at which point the tears poured out and I couldn't stop.
Humph. I may have lost some of you there with the reference to the pillowcase. See, Strange felt that his relationship with my dad would work better if he didn't know who Strange was. So whenever he was out in public, Strange wore a pillowcase over his head. I can honestly say I never saw him without it until that memorial service. He finished his wonderful speech about my dad there in Grace Cathedral with the line "...and now he is gone, and I am no longer Strange de Jim... I am Just Plain Strange." And with that he pulled the pillowcase off in front of 4,000 people in a church.
Yep, that's San Francisco for you, because it all made perfect sense, and Strange and I have remained friends ever since. Which brings us back to the game (Yes, I am finally getting to the point... don't rush me). This week Strange's 70th birthday was responsible for the joyful mob at Café Flore on Monday. And as I was leaving, I thought "I should really see more of Strange." And then the new game hit me.
San Francisco Dinner Party. Your friend is now visiting San Francisco for one night, so you have a dinner party. Who do you invite? And just to be fun and ridiculous it's anyone dead or alive. Just to get people properly irritated with me, here's my first shot at the list.
The aforementioned Strange of course. And since we are in the land of the living and literary, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, representing everything beatnik and bohemian and encapsulating a lot of what people think of when they hear the word "San Francisco." ... For the rest of the column, click here.
MY COMMENT: Christopher, you broke into tears when I removed my pillowcase at your father's memorial service, and Wilkes Bashford told me he did too. Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships. I have one that makes strong men weep.

Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 7/12/12: That night, too, the gathering of pals at Cafe Flore marking Strange de Jim's 70th birthday was dominated by Caen-ites who populated Herb's column, wherein more than 300 Strange de Jim items appeared. The columnist's son, Christopher Caen, was prominent among the well-wishers, along with Lee Housekeeper, Edwin Heaven, Robert Altman, Danny Nicoletta and more.
A proclamation from Mark Leno declared that "the world becomes a better place, thanks to the role you continue to play in it," and in keeping with the preferences of the honoree, both the cake and the nudie photographs that had been wrapped around large upright candles were blue.

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eah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 6/28/12: Strange de Jim sent along a photo of a curb at 18th & Noe on which someone had stenciled, in pink and purple, Unicorn Parking.


I tried to park there today but a unicorn testily tootled its horn at me.

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 4/11/12: [About the Easter Sunday Hunky Jesus Contest in Dolores Park] ... but Strange de Jim liked Baby Jesus, who toted pacifier, rattle, teddy bear and a sign that said, "Who's My Daddy?"

Baby Jesus

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 1/25/12: Strange de Jim cites a sign for Jake's, a restaurant opening on the site of the old 2223 on Market Street: "Coming soon, Jake's on Market. Everything the Castro's always wanted. Except with clothes."


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11/18/11 - The San Francisco Chronicle asked me to act out some of my favorite quips from Herb Caen's column between 1972 and 1997. I was afraid I'd look silly. Silly me.


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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 10/25/11: Meanwhile, Strange de Jim was surprised to spot a "speed hump" sign at Noe and 21st Street. He turned to Wikipedia, which informed him that a speed hump is a "less aggressive" speed bump. "Not the way I do it," he says.


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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 8/8/11: Noting that "you've gotta have standards," Strange de Jim reports that a door sign at Workclub on Market, a place where people come to do their own work, says "no shoes, no laptop, no entry."

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 4/29/11: Public Eavesdropping: "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. But give a young woman breast implants, and people will feed her till she's 50." Gentleman philosopher, overheard at Cafe Flore by Strange de Jim.

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 4/7/11: And then Strange de Jim saw a gent in the Safeway at Church and Market wearing a T-shirt that said, "Sorry I'm Late."

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The San Francisco Chronicle
did a peculiar interview 1/13/11.   

Strange Chron 1/13/11

Click for interview.

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 10/12/10: -- George Davis, the candidate for District Six supervisor who advocates public nudity for all and free dental care for seniors, held a High Nudi-Tea Party at the Castro Commons on Wednesday. Strange de Jim, who photographed the scene at 4:15 p.m., stopped back at 5:10, noting that one guy was already putting his kilt on. "Nudi-Tea Parties aren't what they once were," observes the sage Strange.
Note: Here's the photo I sent Leah from 4:15. At 5:10 one of the two guys was putting his kilt on, and the young lady had taken her top off.

nudi tea party

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 9/30/10:
As to Jerry Garcia's Marin estate being on the market for $4 million, Strange de Jim says, "It's a great house, but the doorbell ring is 20 minutes long." Note: I told Leah this was a Jimmy Fallon joke, but she probably didn't have enough space for his name.

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 9/20/10: "I had a wonderful time in San Francisco over the weekend," said Craig Ferguson on one of his shows last week. (Strange de Jim was watching.) "I did all the things San Francisco is known for. Well, not all the things." P.S. Ferguson fan Ann Moller Caen, who went to see his show, said ushers who recognized her said she was the only one in that audience who'd been at Davies for the Symphony opener, too. After the performance, Caen went backstage to congratulate Ferguson, who she says is a performing "Renaissance man" who's charmingly "sweet and serious" in person.

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Bay Area Reporter,
"Out There" column, 9/9/10: Late-night host Craig Ferguson came clean on TV: "To be honest, I didn't understand the hurricane report. I was lost in the eyes of Anderson Cooper. I'm not really gay. I just pretend I am to be funny. That's what I tell the male prostitutes."

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Leah Garchik's column, San Francisco Chronicle, 9/7/10: Strange de Jim's T-shirt sighting: "Tweeto Ergo Sum."

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Bay Area Reporter,
"Out There" column, 8/26/10: Spotted on a bumper sticker by the ever-vigilant Strange de Jim: "May the fetus you save turn out to be gay." Budding fabulosity.

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San Francisco Chronicle, 1/23/10: Carl Nolte in a story about Market Street: Upper Market, in the Castro district, is a different universe: full of small businesses and restaurants, the middle of the street lined with palm trees. "It has a small-town feel," said Strange de Jim, who wrote a book on the Castro. He likes the Cafe Flore, named for the famous cafe on the Left Bank in Paris. Cafe Flore is noted, de Jim said, for its food, its drink, "and as a place to cruise." [Interestingly, I didn't say that about being a place to cruise.]

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San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 10/14/09: Strange de Jim reports that when Barney Frank toured the Castro with pals on Sunday, he got hell from a few locals for dissing and not appearing in the National Equality March for gay rights in Washington. He'd been quoted as saying, "The only thing they're going to be putting pressure on is the grass."

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San Francisco Bay Times, Letters. 7/2/09: Milk Mosaic: Dear de Bay Times: Supervisor Bevan Dufty was the first person to look at the 2,300 individual photos that make up Harvey Milk's face in this photomosaic by Robert Silvers when it was unveiled at The Lookout June 23.

You tell me what de Bevan's just seen. There are a hundred $3,500 copies mounted on aluminum, with a portion of the proceeds going to the GLBT Historical Society and LGBT Community Center. See http://event.pingg.com/harveymilk. Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim

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San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 6/4/09: Strange de Jim shares a revelation from Janet Lowe's book, "Google Speaks: Secrets of the World's Greatest Billionaire Entrepreneurs": NASA wanted to use the Google Boeing 767 jet last summer to observe and record re-entry data from the Jules Verne ATV-1 space freighter, but the plane was otherwise occupied. Google was using it to ferry guests to Montana for Gavin Newsom's wedding to Jennifer Siebel. NASA made do with an old DC-8.

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San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 4/13/09: Strange de Jim overheard a woman defining what he calls planned parenthood: "Trying to have your kids on the same birthday so they can all get in free to Disneyland at once."

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San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 4/10/09: In honor of four states recognizing the legality of gay marriage, Strange de Jim reports that on Wednesday an anonymous person paid $2 toward every customer's coffee at the Starbucks at 18th and Castro.

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 4/2/09: ... Which brings us to this correspondence: "Dear de B.A.R., "Since there wasn't one, I created a Flickr group which now has hundreds of photos and videos, from a slew of photographers, of the making of Milk and the subsequent openings, award shows, etc. Your readers are invited to enjoy it at www.flickr.com/groups/milkmovie/. "Beep beep! Love, Strange de Jim ."

Finally, a few pearls of wit from Strange's constant perusal of late-night TV:
David Letterman: "Remember Martha Stewart went to prison for a couple of years? She killed a guy. Are you like me, you don't feel safe now that she's out? Well, Martha had some advice for Bernie Madoff. She told him to look up a prisoner named Soapy." "My tax accountant has a deal. If you're audited, he throws in a conjugal visit."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 3/19/09: Zing zing A few of Strange de Jim's ever-burgeoning collection of zingers from late-night TV:
Jay Leno: "A man in Saginaw, Michigan, was arrested for having sex with a vacuum cleaner. He said it was purely sexual. There were no attachments." "Madonna's relationship with that 22-year-old is purely physical. She's using him for sex, and he's using her for the senior discounts." "Bernie Madoff is headed for prison. Now he'll learn what it feels like to have his valuables mishandled."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 3/05/09: Zingerocity Late-Night Zingers care of Strange de Jim:
Jon Stewart on leading Republicans saying that being against Obama 's plan doesn't preclude their taking the money: "Isn't that like saying, 'I'm against gay rights, but if that guy in a cowboy hat is giving free bj's Ð'"
David Letterman: "Today it was warm and cloudy, like an Alex Rodriguez urine sample."
Craig Ferguson: "A-Rod said the worst side effect of steroids was having smaller testicles than Madonna."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 2/26/09: Of thee we zing: Strange de Jim collects zingers from late-night TV! Jay Leno: "In New York, Governor David A. Patterson wants to tax Internet porn. So, guys, economic recovery is in your hands." "Thank God California finally has a budget. Arnold told the legislators if they didn't pass it, he'd make a sequel to Kindergarten Cop."

David Letterman on the Oscars: "You know, it takes a lot of nerve for a 4-1/2 hour TV show to give out an award for editing. This year, if the acceptance speeches go on too long, they're going to send Christian Bale out to scream obscenities at them. The Oscar is 13-1/2 inches tall and weighs 8 pounds Ð I'm sorry, that's Tom Cruise ."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 2/19/09: Strange de Jim heard Jay Leno say it: "The octomom has a website where you can send her money. Even scammers in Nigeria were disgusted. She had eight babies at once. She must have gotten her sperm at Costco." "The economy's so bad gay bars are having ladies nights."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 2/12/09: Finally, Strange de Jim heard David Letterman say it on late-nught TV: "Iceland has a new lesbian Prime Minister. Probably makes her the only foreign leader who likes Bush."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 1/29/09: Strange de Jim heard Jay Leno say it: "A zoo in China is using Viagra to get a tiger to mate. A tiger on Viagra. That's got to be Roy's worst nightmare." "The economy's so bad that today Heather Mills hit on Ringo."

http://www.bestgayblogs.com/2009/01/featured-political-blogs/history-of-harvey-milk/#more-5063

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Bay Times, Letters, 1/15/09: Strange and Harvey
Dear de Bay Times, Before and after seeing Milk, your readers might enjoy my new free photo history of Harvey Milk with photos by Dan Nicoletta. It's at www.strangebillions.com/harvey/
Then, just for fun, there's my personal experience with the movie at www.strangebillions.com/milkmovie/
Beep beep!
Love,
Strange de Jim
San Francisco

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 1/8/09: Happy new zing! A few zingers for the new year!
David Letterman: "So this guy flew across a gorge wearing a jet-pack. He was up in the air for about 21 seconds, and then came down again. It was like Regis on Viagra." "I don't think Bush cares anymore. He's even quit trying to ruin the economy."
Jimmy Kimmel: "Guns 'N Roses came out with a new album after 17 years. Their grandkids showed them how to put it up on the Internet."
Strange de Jim: "Prepositions are what I always end my sentences without."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 1/1/09: Strange de Jim heard Craig Ferguson say it on TV: "Next year, Jim Carrey's in a movie where he plays Ewan McGregor's boyfriend. This time, he does more than just talk out of his butt. I think this movie is also called Yes Man."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 12/25/08: Year's last zingers Collected from late-night by Strange de Jim .
Stephen Colbert: "From now on, if a gay person in California wants to get hitched, they will do it the way God wants: marry Liza Minnelli ."

Craig Ferguson: "Anne Heche used to be a lesbian, and now she's not. She's a hasbian."

David Letterman: "On this date in 1946, the first gorilla was born in captivity. And today, we know him as the governor of California." "This year's least popular carol is, 'It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas, 1929.' Did you folks see the Amy Winehouse special, The 12 Steps of Christmas?"

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San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 12/16/08: Meanwhile, Santacon participants gathered Saturday in Dolores Park. Strange de Jim's attendance estimate: 1,300 Santas. Among them was Kevin Hunsanger, who inquired of Costumes on Haight, from whom he was renting his Santa-ness, "What happens if I'm attacked by zombies?" This was no idle question, he says, because at least once in the 15-year-history of Santacon, zombies did set upon the Santas. The clerk assured Hunsanger, "If a zombie splatters you with blood, we can clean it for free, part of the rental. If a zombie eats your costume, you owe the full $100 deposit."


This photo wasn't in the paper. And see santacon.com.
San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 12/16/08: Meanwhile, Santacon participants gathered Saturday in Dolores Park. Strange de Jim's attendance estimate: 1,300 Santas. Among them was Kevin Hunsanger, who inquired of Costumes on Haight, from whom he was renting his Santa-ness, "What happens if I'm attacked by zombies?" This was no idle question, he says, because at least once in the 15-year-history of Santacon, zombies did set upon the Santas. The clerk assured Hunsanger, "If a zombie splatters you with blood, we can clean it for free, part of the rental. If a zombie eats your costume, you owe the full $100 deposit."

 

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 12/11/08: De Zing
Strange de Jim collects Jay Leno's best barbs: "The worst penalty O.J. had gotten before this was 15 yards." "Men like spooning because it often leads to forking." "The Old Navy store has been taken over by Somali pirates." "Britney's new album is named Circus, because she has a big top and has dated a bunch of clowns."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 10/23/08: Feeling zingy
Strange de Jim watches late-night TV so we don't have to! Here are some collected zingers.
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL: "I tolerate gay people with all my heart." "I believe marriage is a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers."

David Letterman: "Sarah Palin says the heels are on and the gloves are off, the kind of thing that used to cost Eliot Spitzer $1,000."

Conan O'Brien: "Chicago is opening a gay high school, or as it's known in other cities, a school for the performing arts."

Joel McHale on The Soup: "Miley Cyrus had her huge Sweet 16 party, and across town was the annual Gay Day at Disneyland. It's hard to tell which group screamed louder over Zac Ephron .

" Craig Ferguson: "Halle Berry is the Michael Phelps of sexiness ... except for the webbed feet and the gills. And the penis."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 10/9/08: : Zing-a-lot
We have a little room to catch up with some late-night television zingers collected over the past few weeks by Strange de Jim .
Dave Letterman: "John McCain has no use for Bush. Wait, I'm thinking of Clay Aiken." "George Michael was arrested in a men's room holding crack, whose name was Nigel ." Letterman guest Andy Kindler: "Last night, I went to a Young Republicans trickle-down party."

Conan O'Brien: "Clay Aiken came out as gay in the latest issue of Duh! magazine." "Sarah Palin has agreed to pose nude for Playboy, as long as there's no interview." "When Bush found out gays and lesbians were holding a pro-marriage rally, he said, 'Gay guys want to marry lesbians?'" "George Takei married his longtime lover. The minister said, 'Dearly beloved, set your phasers to fabulous.'"

Craig Ferguson: "Yesterday, the market plunged 700 points. Today, it's up 500. It's like Oprah 's weight."

John Stamos: "Bob Sagat doesn't have a funny bone in his body, except once when he sat on Dave Coulier 's. And by sat on, I mean hungrily backed onto. And by once, I mean eight seasons."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 9/18/08: Late-night zings
Collected by Strange de Jim:
Dave Letterman on John McCain's appearance on The View: "It was like a North Vietnamese prison camp with Botox."

Conan O'Brien: "Madonna dedicated 'Like a Virgin' to the Pope, and he was furious. He'd requested 'Material Girl.'"

San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 9/3/08: [About Sarah Palin's nomination]: And Strange de Jim asks, "When's McCain going to announce his real running mate?"

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 8/28/08: Zinger briefs
There's just room for a few late-night chuckles collected by media maven Strange de Jim.
Chelsea Handler: "Clay Aiken's a father. The baby came out. Why can't Clay?"
"Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson is like having your pie and eating it, too."
Handler on Madonna signing up for one of Richard Branson's Virgin Airlines $100,000 trips to the moon: "I just hope she doesn't come back with one of those annoying moon accents."

Craig Ferguson: "It's National Creamsickle Day. So remove the wrapper, slowly, slowly. Put it in your mouth. Now go get a creamsickle."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 8/14/08: Zingerocity
We close with collected tidbits from late-night tube delectation, care of the oft-cited yet never-depleted Strange de Jim .
Dave Letterman: "Shia LaBeouf ran his truck into another car and turned it over or, as Andy Dick calls it, parking."

Jon Stewart: "I Googled gay and WMD, and got a drag queen named Sodomy Hussein." Introducing the night's guest: "Brian Williams worked his way up from a roller skater in a gay nightclub."

Jay Leno: "So in San Francisco, you can't buy cigarettes in a pharmacy, but you can marry the Marlboro Man."

Joel McHale of The Soup interviewed the shark that bit Ryan Seacrest : "Most human feet are disgusting, but this chick had the daintiest pedicured tootsies."
Comedian Jon Dore sang a song about a homosexual Nazi called "Schindler's Lisp."

Stewart: "The American Family Association is boycotting McDonald's for donating to gay causes. Great news for Captain Straight Jack's Chicken & Pussy."

Letterman: "Osama bin Laden 's driver actually drove a lot of celebrities, but the only one he really got along with was, of course, Mel Gibson ."

Conan O'Brien: "Britney Spears has signed to play a psycho lesbian, in The Lindsay Lohan Story."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 7/31/08: Zinger express
Strange de Jim chronicles late-night TV tee-hees.
Dave Letterman: "It's sunny and 86 today. Just like Kathie Lee ."

Craig Ferguson: "What do they call the man-girdle? Oh yeah, the Shatner ."
Best Week Ever (VH1), on Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman breaking up: "Sarah hasn't announced who'll be filling her late-night slot."

Letterman: "Today was Day 18 of the Tour de France. That's the swimsuit competition."
Joel McHale on The Soup: "So that's two autobiographies for Tori Spelling to zero for Albert Einstein ."

Jay Leno on the alleged Madonna/A-Rod porn tape: "If you've made a porn tape, and your name's already A-Rod, what's your porn name?"

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 7/26/08: Zing a zong
Strange de Jim caught us some zing from late-night TV:

Conan O'Brien: "Michael Jackson canceled his tour with New Kids on the Block when he learned they aren't really kids." "Many Olympic athletes are testing positive for Viagra. Which explains why some runners are winning really close races, and not by a nose."

Jay Leno: "After the stimulus checks came out, porn sales shot up 30%. Guys used their stimulus packages to stimulate their packages." "They say wine is good for your colon, but I prefer drinking it the regular way."

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San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 7/14/08: And Tyler MacNiven, who enlisted the help of strangers to push him in a chair on wheels from the MIssion District to the Golden Gate Bridge, got a push around Market and Octavia from Strange de Jim. "Who's Stranger than I?" asks Mr. de Jim, who did the good deed on his birthday. And for that occasion, he cites the wisdom of writer Terry Pratchett: "Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened."

The photo below didn't appear in the paper. If you look up Tyler MacNiven on Wikipedia, you'll find he's pulled wonderful stunts, including winning $1,000,000 on The Amazing Race.


S.F. Bay Times Letters: 7/3/08: Beep Beep!

Craig Ferguson: "It's when Demi was pregnant with Ashton."

Beep beep!
Love,
Strange de Jim
San Francisco

 

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 6/26/08: Having a goal is always good. Castro correspondent Strange de Jim has a new aspiration now that owner Les Natali has apparently decided to change the name of the old Pendulum. Instead of the 18th Street Bar, there's an awning that reads Toad Hall. Strange says he hopes to have his own dedicated Toad stool there.

Also, we don't know about you, but de Jim has been paying de attention to de late-night television. Here's his awesome sound-bite collage.
Jimmy Kimmel: "This month, gay people in California will gain the power to make the biggest mistake of their life."

Stephen Colbert: "College has all the discomforts of prison, without the lasting relationships."

Craig Ferguson on the 1970s: "Remember disco balls? You got them from the polyester pants."

Dave Letterman on Father's Day: "As a gift for an older dad, have you considered Barbara Walters?"

Joel McHale on The Soup: "The Brokeback Mountain opera will star two unknowns. One will be a tenor, and the other one a catcher."
[Later in the column came these.]

TV funhouse
Our TV-monitoring correspondent Strange de Jim checks in once more with reports of some televised funnies.
Jay Leno was happy to attend the marriage of the gay couple on his block. Both grooms wore white bridal gowns. "It's the first time I ever saw both parties to a wedding so excited."
"Someday, gay weddings will be as common as Pam Anderson weddings," Leno went on. "I feel sorry for the women. Now in LA, all the best men are married and gay."

Jon Stewart: "Two women were married in California today. I don't know why God took it out on the Midwest [which had terrible storms]. I'm for gay marriage, but I worry about a child with two Jewish mothers."

Dave Letterman: "McCain is going after women over 60. Who does he think he is, Ashton Kutcher ?"

Craig Ferguson: "Gay marriages started in California today. Congratulations to Mr. and Mr. Seacrest ."

Conan O'Brien: "A new machine lets airport security see the size of your penis. There's nothing more flattering than being told, 'You'll have to check that.'"

San Francisco Chronicle Leah Garchik's column, 6/17/08: And Strange de Jim reports that today is opening day for the Heart of the Castro Wedding Chapel on 18th Street.

Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 5/22/08: Night ministry
It's been a while since we've heard from Strange de Jim , who reports on zingers he's collected from late-night TV. So heeeere's Strangy!
Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock: "I even stopped to catch a snowflake on my tongue, which evidently is some sort of signal in Chelsea."

Dave Letterman: "Barbara Walters reveals she even had a threeway with Mr. and Mrs. McGreevy ."
"To raise money, Hillary entered a wet pantsuit competition."

Jay Leno: "Studies show porn is the first thing guys cut down on, after they've lost their jobs, their homes and their families."

Leno also quoted John McCain's Viagra ad: "If your erection lasts more than 100 years, pull out."
"President Bush reached out to the gay community. He shook hands with Jenna 's wedding planner."

On 30 Rock, Tim Conway played an old-time NBC star. "I wandered the halls last night reminiscing, and didn't see another living soul, except one giant lesbian. Who is Conan O'Brien, and why is she so sad?"

Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 5/1/08: Viewing party
The following passage is from The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson (Broadway Books), about growing up in Des Moines in the 1950s. A certain Mr. Kiessler had the first color TV in town.
"On Saturday evenings, the children of the neighborhood would steal into his yard and stand in his flower beds to watch a program called My Living Doll through the double windows behind his sofa. I am pretty certain that Mr. Kiessler didn't realize that two dozen children of various ages and sizes were silently watching the TV with him, or he wouldn't have played with himself quite so enthusiastically every time the nubile Julie Newmar bounded onto the screen. I assumed it was some sort of isometrics."
No one was more delighted by the passage than Julie Newmar herself, when Strange de Jim read it to her and her brother Dr. John Newmeyer at Harvey's last Friday. Mz. Julie invites readers to contribute words to her website: www.julienewmarwrites.com

Bay Area Reporter, 3/27/08

Click for David Alexander Nahmod's big interview of me and review of Billions of Virgins in Ecstasy: The Memoirs of Strange de Jim.


Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 3/6/08: Late-night gay: One night last week, Jay Leno aired a Jaywalking segment he shot in the Castro, with the Castro Theatre in the background. He asked passersby questions, then the audience voted whether they were straight or gay. Strange de Jim says his straightdar wasn't as good as he thought.

Leno also reported Michael Jackson is distraught over losing Neverland Ranch. "He has many fondling memories of the place." Jay quoted the realtor: "This is the master suite. This is the kids' room. This is another kids' room, and another kids' room..."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 2/21/08: B.A.R. arts writer David Nahmod was the hero of the hour at ye olde Castro Theatre on that same Valentine's Day, saving the sold-out 40th anniversary showing of Franco Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet, with star Olivia Hussey in attendance, from potential fiasco. Here's how it transpired, as described by eyewitness Strange de Jim: "David took me as his guest after interviewing me about my new book, Billions of Virgins in Ecstasy. Ten minutes in, the film broke. David gave the R&J DVD he'd brought to be autographed to producer Marc Huestis, and the show went on. David and I got to jump the huge autograph line." Hussey signed Nahmod's disc, "Thanks for saving the day!"
The announced interviewer Jan Wahl called in sick, so Huestis huesself did the onstage schmooze with Hussey, and had fab fun with it. They laughed, kibitzed, and made a few saucy remarks. Hussey was clearly having a ball. As Willy the Shakes himself might say, "All's well that ends well!"

[These photos weren't in the B.A.R., but here are Olivia Hussey thanking David Nahmod, and Olivia posing with me, with her daughter India to the side.]


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San Francisco Bay Times Letters, 1/24/08: Free Virgins for Bay Times Readers
Dear de Bay Times,
A pansexual, semi-fictional, San Francisco town-fool/masseur finds the secret of True Love and accidentally marries everybody. As soon as readers start having Orgasms of Light, Billions of Virgins in Ecstasy: The Memoirs of Strange de Jim, will be flying off amazon.com's shelves at $17 a pop. To kick off the process I'll send a complete free e-copy of the book to any Bay Times reader who sends an e-mail, with "FREE VIRGINS" in the subject line, to truluv7@aol.com.
Can't say fairer than that.
Love, Strange de Jim, San Francisco

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San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 12/18/07: Linda Schacht saw them arriving from the East Bay on Saturday morning at Ferry Plaza; Strange de Jim saw them barhopping on Powell Street that night; Carol Terwilliger Meyers saw them on BART and Muni's F line; I saw a pair in the Haight. Hundreds of Santas descended on San Francisco on Saturday, part of Santarchy, which specifies that the redding of the streets is "just a bunch of Santas getting together to have a good time."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 12/13/07: Think zing
Despite the late-night shows being in reruns thanks to the ongoing writers' strike, SF boulevardier Strange de Jim has collected zingers from hither and yon, and delivered them unto OT. Thanks de loads, Strange de J!
The following exchange is from The Bible: The Complete Word of God (Abridged) by The Reduced Shakespeare Company, running at the Marines Memorial Theatre.
God: "I want you to cut off that useless piece of flesh at the end of the penis."
Abraham: "That's a man."
God: "The other end of the penis."
Culled from the book I Am America (And So Can You!) by Stephen Colbert: "There are no gays in modern sports, with the one exception being all of women's sports."
"The Olympics began in perversion: greased-up, naked men slapping hot, sweaty body parts against one another's taut and hairless flesh in pursuit of victory, like Chippendale's dancers at an after-hours party."
"Who, other than terrorists, wants to destroy our way of life? The Gays. Allowing them to marry would be like strapping on a suicide vest with a matching cummerbund."
[On the red-baiting of the House Un-American Activities Committee in the 1950s]: "Most of the charges never added up to anything more than whispers and innuendo, but in Hollywood, whispers and innuendo are accepted as truth. If you don't believe me, ask Richard Gere 's gerbil."

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San Francisco Chronicle, Leah Garchik's column, 10/26/07: Stephen Pullis told Strange de Jim that "Dumbledore's not gay. J.K. Rowling just made that up."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 10/25/07: Zing out, Louise
Strange de Jim has an apparently unlimited supply of late-night TV zingers with which to amuse us. Thanks for zinging, Strange!
Jay Leno: "Senator Larry Craig has been inducted into the Idaho Stall of Fame. He's going to tell his side of the story here on NBC, because NBC has such a fine reputation and 'Matt Lauer is so dreamy.'"
Leno: "Brokeback Mountain is being made into a Broadway musical. No word on who gets top billing and who gets bottom billing. It's going to be called Lasso My Asso."
Conan O'Brien: "In a recent interview, Sen. Larry Craig said that because of his sex scandal, heŨs now in 'the toughest fight of his life.' Then Craig added, 'Unless you count that trucker who played hard to get.'"
Craig Ferguson: "Orlando Bloom rear-ended someone in LA this week. It wasn't me, but I can dream."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 10/18/07: Zing theory
Strange de Jim reports on late-night TV zingers, for our amusement and edification.
Jay Leno: "Hillary Clinton says that she wants to give every baby born in America $5,000. Today, Michael Jackson said, 'I'll make it $6,000.'"
Conan O'Brien: "Yesterday, Sen. Larry Craig announced that he is not going to step down because he is still able to work effectively with his fellow senators. Sen. Craig's exact quote was, 'No one reaches across the aisle like I do.'"
Leno: "Senator Larry Craig says he won't quit. You don't just flush a career like that down the toilet."
Leno: "Simon Cowell and Michael Jackson are collaborating on a reality show, Are You Hotter Than a Fifth Grader?"
Craig Ferguson: "Esquire magazine named the sexiest woman alive: Charlize Theron . She had some tough competition: Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Alba , Orlando Bloom."
Thanks, Strange!

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 10/11/07:
Just in time for some 100% organic, fresh-farmed late-night TV zingers. Strange de Jim, thanks for zinging!
Jay Leno: "In an interview in the gay magazine The Advocate, Hillary Clinton says the rumors about her being a lesbian are not true. She says she has never had sex with a woman, no matter how many times Bill has begged her to."
Leno: "Brokeback Mountain is being made into a Broadway musical. It'll be called Seven Brothers for Seven Brothers."
Craig Ferguson: "Orlando Bloom may be off the market. He was seen canoodling with Jennifer Anniston . I think he was lured in by the faint smell of Brad Pitt."

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 10/4/07: Choice tube
Fresh TV zingers, served piping hot. Thanks, Strange de Jim!
Craig Ferguson: "Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said there are no gay people in Iran. Well, I could have told you that when he turned up in those shoes and that jacket."
Jon Stewart: "Listen to her! We have no homosexuals in the Republican Party, either. Just dudes who like to have sex with other men."
Jay Leno: "The Iranian president said there are no homosexuals in Iran. Today, Idaho Sen. Larry Craig volunteered to go over there on an ass-finding mission."
Dave Letterman: "According to Ahmadinejad, there are no homosexuals in Iran. I guess that explains the pathetic state of their musical theater."
Conan O'Brien: "Yesterday, the President of Iran said his country doesn't have problems with gay people because they don't have homosexuals in Iran. Although Ahmadinejad did admit that sometimes one Iranian will take another Iranian's penis hostage."
The Daily Show's Lewis Black on the new $5 bill with a big purple number in the corner: "So now the $5 bill is as gay as a $3 bill."
Leno: "Rudy Giuliani having a $9.11-a-head fundraiser is like Bill Clinton having a $69-a-head fundraiser."
Letterman: "This is a historic night: The entire balcony is filled with gay Iranians."
Leno: "A man in Croatia survived a lightning strike that hit his penis. Never mix Viagra with iron pills."
Letterman: "No gays in Iran. That's why you have to go all the way to Turkey for a facial."
Leno: "Brokeback Mountain is being turned into a Broadway musical. That may be too gay even for gay people."
Ferguson: "Tom Cruise sucked Brad Pitt's blood in Interview with the Vampire. Cruise read the script and said, 'You had me at sucked.'"

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Bay Area Reporter, "Out There" column, 9/13/07: Zingerocity
TV highlights? Strange de Jim fills us in.
Dave Letterman: "Sen. Larry Craig resigned from the Senate. He said he d like to spend more time not being gay."

Jimmy Kimmel: "Idaho Sen. Larry Craig announced his resignation on Saturday. If I was Larry Craig, here's what I'd say: 'I'm not gay, but my feet are.'"

Letterman: "Larry Craig says he may stay on in the Senate, now that he's seen the new fall crop of pages."

Jay Leno: "No one's seen Sen. Larry Craig for several days. He's rumored to be on a fishing trip in the mountains of Wyoming with an old buddy."

Kimmel: "I'm staging a protest. I'm not going to have gay sex in a public bathroom until Larry Craig is cleared."

Letterman: "The taxi strike has people complaining they're having to share rides. Same complaint they had during the hooker strike."

Joel McHale on The Soup re Jerry Lewis' "illiterate faggot" comment on his telethon: "Just because one hustler couldn't find your house doesn't mean all gay people are illiterate."

Letterman: "Senator Craig says he's resigning again. Somebody will have to fill his seat. Isn't that what got him into trouble in the first place?"

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Bay Area Reporter, 9/6/07. Click for my review (with photo of Princess Diana) of The Diana Chroncies by Tina Brown

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Bay Area Reporter, 9/6/07: More TV zingers
Collected from late-night shows
By Strange de Jim

Jon Stewart: "Michael Vick is going to prison merely because he made dogs fight to the death for his entertainment. Oddly enough, in the prison where he's going ..."
"Hugo Chavez railed for two hours against everything American — except High School Musical 2."
Dave Letterman: "Jenna Bush's wedding is going to be expensive. The $3 billion contract has gone to Haliburton. George W. is going to loan them the 'Mission Accomplished' banner to put up in the bedroom."
Bandleader Paul Shaffer on Merv Griffin's death: "Merv always said he was a quadrasexual. He'd do anything with anybody for a quarter."
Craig Ferguson: "Steven Segal is blaming the FBI for ruining his movie career with a false investigation. The FBI issued the response, 'It is our job to stop people from making bombs.'"
Ferguson said he was checking into a hotel when he was startled by a cute young man grabbing his bags. "Turned out he was just a bellboy, but that night he became a bellman."
The title of The Daily Show's trip to Iraq changed from Operation Silent Thunder to Operation Fluffy Bunny. Next night it changed to Operation Kick-Ass. Stewart asked, "What happened to Operation Fluffy Bunny?" Rob Riggle: "Don't ask, don't tell."
Letterman: "Michael Vick faces a year and a half in prison. But I was thinking, shouldn't that be a year and a half times seven? Vick said the fights weren't any worse than what you see on The View."
"A 90-year-old man has become a father. I'm lucky at my age if I can get the cap off the Viagra. Anyway, nice going, Regis."
Ferguson: "Cats can only remember for 10 minutes. 10 minutes after you die, your cat will forget who it's eating."
The Daily Show in Iraq changed to Operation Cameltoe.
Letterman: "According to a new study, people are sexually active well into their 80s. First I say, 'Arrrgh!' Secondly, I say, 'God bless Cher.' Sex in my 80s. Gosh, I wonder what that's going to cost me."
"Michael Vick will be put in a cell and told to 'stay.'"
Top 10 Senior Citizen Pick-Up Lines. 5. "Excuse me while I slip into something orthopedic."
Craig Ferguson: "There's a new study that says people can retain an active sex life well into their 80s. Good news for Ashton Kutcher."
Makin' Whoopi Letterman: "The new host of The View is Whoopi Goldberg. Rosie had to leave because of dog fighting."
Jay Leno: "After he died, DNA tests showed James Brown fathered two more children. I knew they should have had a closed casket."
"James Brown is the father of two more kids! That's the best time to find out you're a father, after you're dead."
Ferguson: "I wanted to rent a kayak, but all they had was a two-man one. I thought about renting another man, but I thought, no."
"I don't mind dogs humping my leg. It's the disinterested look on their faces that gets me."
"Drop and Give Me $20" was the Daily Show title for the story of the Republican Florida State Legislator who offered an undercover cop $20 to let him give him a blow job. He said it was because he was afraid of the black men in the restroom. Stewart: "So he thinks they won't hit him if he has a cock in his mouth?" John Oliver provided better excuses: "I have tonsillitis and thought that man's penis was a flashlight. I'm bulimic, but don't like to put my finger down my throat. I have a terrible lip condition that can only be cured by contact with another man's penis. I had a headache and thought I saw an Advil on another man's penis."
Leno: "Elizabeth Edwards is speaking out again. She says the problem with her husband's fundraising campaign is she can't make him black, and she can't make him a woman. That's the same problem with Michael Jackson's people."

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San Francisco Chronicle Letters, 8/30/07 Diana

Dear de Chron,
Barehanded, Princess Diana shook hands with 100 lepers in one day. She hugged AIDS patients no one else would touch, went to Angola and walked through an active mine field because she knew the power of a picture.

Millions of us felt a warmth in our hearts as we saw her on TV reaching out and touching the elderly, the sick and the disadvantaged. We watched her greet her young sons William and Harry with hugs of pure joy. She's been gone ten years this week, and the images still inspire us. When ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair was asked recently if Diana's life had signified a new way to be royal, he replied without hesitation. "Diana taught us a new way to be British." She taught us how to be human.

Love,
Strange de Jim
San Francisco

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Bay Times Letters, 8/30/07, Dane Cook & His Gay Roomie
Dear de Bay Times,

As the country's hottest comedian Dane Cook's 2,000,000 friends on MySpace know, he doesn't care that his roomie is gay. However, to be prudent, he poked his unit into a protective potato chips bag before sprawling to sleep on the living room couch.


His roomie, of course, respected his limits, merely giving a single friendly hello tickle halfway up the inside of Dane's thigh, before chastely withdrawing his hand. Here we see Dane reacting to the resulting sensations.


Dane: "OK, I'll admit that was pretty sweet, dude, but, still, to tell you the truth, I feel just a little violated. So please just finish me off and get out."

Beep beep!
Love,
Strange de Jim

Click for 8/23/07 back to 2/12/97

Strange in de Papers 2/12/97 - 8/23/07 / World's Largest Late-Night Zinger Collection / Herb Caen's Strangest Items 1972 - 1997 / Billions of Virgins in Ecstasy / Other Strange Sites / e-mail Strange