September 1 Strangie to Jay Leno:
The 11th human foot has washed ashore
in Vancouver. Turns out it's just a promotion for "Footloose."
Friday, September 2 Strangie to Jimmy
Monday, September 5 Strangie to Craig
Tuesday, September 6 Strangie to David Letterman: You can tell it's
fall, because the networks have started gathering nuts for their
Wednesday, September 7 Strangie to Jimmy Kimmel: Sarah Palin ran an
half marathon in Iowa. Wait, did she run a half marathon or run half a
marathon and quit? Is there anything Sarah Palin can't do half of?
Thursday, September 8 Strangie to Jay
Friday, September 9 Strangie to Jimmy
Monday, September 12 Strangie to Stephen Colbert: There's a
commemorative 9/11 Merlot, perfect for when you're drinking to never
Tuesday, September 13 Strangie to Conan
O'Brien: At the debate some Tea
Partiers cheered at the idea of a sick uninsured person being left to
die. In all fairness, the person in question was one of the moms from
"Toddlers & Tiaras."
Wednesday, September 14 Strangie to Jimmy
Thursday, September 15 Strangie to Craig
Friday, September 16 Strangie to Jay Leno: The
waiting list for cremations in Japan is so long that dead bodies have
to be booked into hotels at $154 a night until they can be cremated.
How busy are THOSE ice machines?
Monday, September 19 Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen: Amy
Schumer: You're just like Bruce Willis. You were big in the '80s and
now your old slot's being filled with Ashton Kutcher.
Monday, September 19 Strangie to Conan O'Brien: The world's largest
bank is no longer accepting donations from men with red hair because of
low demand. As a result, this week my neighborhood Salvation Army is
going to get a very interesting donation. But what are people seeing
night after night that's making redheads so unpopular?
Tuesday, September 20 Strangie to Jimmy
out of your league.
Wednesday, September 21 Strangie to David Letterman: Gays are now
allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be
Thursday, September 22 Strangie to Craig Ferguson: The animal rights
is launching a porn web site to promote their cause. This is a terrible
idea. It's only going to lead to monkey spanking, chicken choking,
goose strangling, gopher whacking ...
Friday, September 23 Strangie to Jay Leno: Semen was used during WWI as
invisible ink. How did they find this out? "Bob, I don't have a pen.
Could you ...?" The problem was, after you wrote your first note you'd
have to wait like an hour to write the next one. And the guy's asleep
before he finishes the letter.
Monday, September 26 Strangie to Conan O'Brien: Reed Hastings, CEO of
Netflix, tweeted: We're now a restaurant. Sorry.
Tuesday, September 27 Strangie to Conan O'Brien: The Octomom is selling
her home. It comes with 14 bedrooms, 9 baths, all new appliances and a
Wednesday, September 28 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson: Andy Rooney has something
special. Ordinarily it's no fun listening to old people gripe. That's
why I never bring up the cost of cocaine when Betty White is here.
Thursday,September 29 Strangie to David Letterman: The only thing Andy
Rooney has left on his bucket list is Barbara Walters.
Friday, September 30 Strangie to
Jimmy Fallon: Thank you, toilet paper, for being like Kleenex that
pulled the short straw.