Thursday,
September 1 Strangie to Jay Leno:
The 11th human foot has washed ashore
in Vancouver. Turns out it's just a promotion for "Footloose."
Friday, September 2 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon
Thank
You:
Thank
you,
high
school
reunions,
or
as
I
like
to
call
you,
Facebook
Live.
Monday, September 5 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson:
Kids
today
have
grown
up
with
the
harsh
reality
about
jobs.
At
any
moment
you
can
be
replaced
by
Ashton
Kutcher.
Tuesday, September 6 Strangie to David Letterman: You can tell it's
fall, because the networks have started gathering nuts for their
reality shows.
Wednesday, September 7 Strangie to Jimmy Kimmel: Sarah Palin ran an
unannounced
half marathon in Iowa. Wait, did she run a half marathon or run half a
marathon and quit? Is there anything Sarah Palin can't do half of?
Thursday, September 8 Strangie to Jay
Leno:
A
single
sperm
donor
in
Washington
state
is
responsible
for
150
babies.
Kind
of
sad
he
had
to
retire
after
he
blew
out
his
elbow.
Friday, September 9 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon:
It's
our
500th
episode.
We're
halfway
to
a
thousand,
but
still
going
at
it
every
night,
sort
of
like
Hugh
Hefner.
Monday, September 12 Strangie to Stephen Colbert: There's a
commemorative 9/11 Merlot, perfect for when you're drinking to never
forget.
Tuesday, September 13 Strangie to Conan
O'Brien: At the debate some Tea
Partiers cheered at the idea of a sick uninsured person being left to
die. In all fairness, the person in question was one of the moms from
"Toddlers & Tiaras."
Wednesday, September 14 Strangie to Jimmy
Kimmel:
A
Republican
is
going
to
be
filling
Anthony
Weiner's
Congressional
seat,
but
not
before
thoroughly
wiping
it
down.
Thursday, September 15 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson
The
new
"Guinness
Book
of
World
Records"
is
out.
Some
hold
two
records.
The
man
with
the
longest
fingernails
also
holds
the
record
for
most
cautious
masturbator.
Friday, September 16 Strangie to Jay Leno: The
waiting list for cremations in Japan is so long that dead bodies have
to be booked into hotels at $154 a night until they can be cremated.
How busy are THOSE ice machines?
Monday, September 19 Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen: Amy
Schumer: You're just like Bruce Willis. You were big in the '80s and
now your old slot's being filled with Ashton Kutcher.
Monday, September 19 Strangie to Conan O'Brien: The world's largest
sperm
bank is no longer accepting donations from men with red hair because of
low demand. As a result, this week my neighborhood Salvation Army is
going to get a very interesting donation. But what are people seeing
night after night that's making redheads so unpopular?
Tuesday, September 20 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon:
A
sperm
bank
in
Denmark
is
turning
away
men
with
red
hair
because
of
low
demand.
You
know
you're
in
trouble
when
even
a
plastic
cup
is
out of your league.
Wednesday, September 21 Strangie to David Letterman: Gays are now
allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be
a musical.
Thursday, September 22 Strangie to Craig Ferguson: The animal rights
group PETA
is launching a porn web site to promote their cause. This is a terrible
idea. It's only going to lead to monkey spanking, chicken choking,
goose strangling, gopher whacking ...
Friday, September 23 Strangie to Jay Leno: Semen was used during WWI as
invisible ink. How did they find this out? "Bob, I don't have a pen.
Could you ...?" The problem was, after you wrote your first note you'd
have to wait like an hour to write the next one. And the guy's asleep
before he finishes the letter.
Monday, September 26 Strangie to Conan O'Brien: Reed Hastings, CEO of
Netflix, tweeted: We're now a restaurant. Sorry.
Tuesday, September 27 Strangie to Conan O'Brien: The Octomom is selling
her home. It comes with 14 bedrooms, 9 baths, all new appliances and a
walk-in uterus.
Wednesday, September 28 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson: Andy Rooney has something
special. Ordinarily it's no fun listening to old people gripe. That's
why I never bring up the cost of cocaine when Betty White is here.
Thursday,September 29 Strangie to David Letterman: The only thing Andy
Rooney has left on his bucket list is Barbara Walters.
Friday, September 30 Strangie to
Jimmy Fallon: Thank you, toilet paper, for being like Kleenex that
pulled the short straw.