Wednesday, September 1 Strangie to Jay Leno: "The Mexican drug lord known as The Barbie has been arrested. Know who his cellmate is? Ken. Don't worry. Ken's not going to be able to do anything."

Thursday, September 2 Strangie to Craig Ferguson: "Hurricane reporters put condoms on their microphones to reduce the noise. That's why I wear them too."

Friday, September 3 Strangie to Jimmy Fallon: "The Situation has become so rich he wants to be known as The Scenario." 

Monday, September 6 Strangie to Craig Ferguson: "It's the end of summer. Let your bikini area explode into its fall foliage."

Tuesday, September 7 Strangie to David Letterman: "My son went off to school carrying his Team Coco lunchbox."

Wednesday, September 8 Strangie to Jimmy Kimmel, who  showed a clip of Yoko Ono wailing and moaning and said, "She's still got it."

Thursday, September 9 Strangie to David Letterman: "There's a photo of Madonna riding the F train. Why not? She's ridden everything else. Plus, she gets the senior citizen discount."

Friday, September 10 Strangie to Jay Leno: "Couples in China will soon be allowed to have a 2nd child, to work the night shift."

Monday, September 13 Strangie to Jay Leno: "Don't Ask Don't Tell took a hit when a judge ruled that gays must be allowed to serve in the Army of One [breaks into song] Singular Sensation."

Tuesday, September 14 Strangie to Stephen Colbert: "Ground Zero is a sacred site. How dare they build a house of worship there?"

Wednesday, September 15 Strangie to Jimmy Kimmel: "That Delaware Tea Party woman wants to outlaw masturbation. Listen, you'll get my penis when you pry it out of my cold dead hands."

Thursday, September 16 Strangie to Jon Stewart guest Bill Clinton: "At that time Newt Gingrich had come out with his Contract on America."

Friday, September 17 Strangie to Jay Leno: "Finding a bargain can give the same excitement as sex. That's true. Women can shop all day and never be satisfied. Men, two minutes and they're out of there."

Monday, September 20 Strangie to Stephen Colbert: "A man with no arms and no legs has swum the English Channel. Boy, is he going to be pissed when he hears about the Chunnel train."

Tuesday, September 21 Strangie to Jay Leno: "Tiger Woods' #1 mistress bought a NYC condo for $2 million. She's going to fix it up and rent it out. Same thing she did with her body."

Wednesday, September 22 Strangie to David Letterman: "Paris Hilton was kept out of Japan. She couldn't make it through the mental detector."

Thursday, September 23 Strangie to David Letterman: "World leaders are assembled at the UN. That's why it's so hard to get a hooker." 

Friday, September 24 Strangie to Jay Leno: "'You Again' just opened. It's about a group of prisoners greeting Lindsay Lohan."

Saturday, September 25 Special "Saturday Night Live" Strangie to New York Governor Paterson: "You've poked so much fun at me for being blind that I forgot I was black."

Monday, September 27 Strangie to Stephen Colbert testifying before Congress: "I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want a tomato picked by an American, sliced by a Venezuelan, served by a Guatemalan, while I'm in a spa being given a Brazilian by a Chilean." 

Tuesday, September 28 Strangie to David Letterman: "A study found that women apologize more than men. Not in my house." 

Wednesday, September 29 Strangie to Jimmy Kimmel: "There are two Justin Bieber dolls available for Christmas. If they're sold out just buy a Ken doll and put a mushroom on his head."

Thursday, September 30 Strangie to Jimmy Fallon: "Goldman Sachs has a new ad to show what the company does. Isn't that what the recession showed?"