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by Strange de Jim September 2006
Late-Night-TV Zingers & Funny Pictures
by Strange de Jim
Click here to design a seal such as the one above for yourself for free.
In the great little market at
14th and Castro.
Click here for a site which lets you put your own message on items such as the ones below.
They say there's no such thing.
You can even corner the market.
This is on Noe below 21st Street.
Morehead Castro Photos
A fellow named Morehead has posted a lot of old Castro photos. Here are a few.
Morehead even has a photo of one of my old best friends Paul Hartnett
For more Morehead photos click here.
Late Night Jokes
Dave Letterman says Barry Manilow is recovering from unhip surgery.
Jay Leno says Lance Armstrong was seen with Miss Hilton. "Evidently he wanted to ride through Paris one more time." ... "K-Y Jelly is recommended by 1 out of 5 members of 'N Sync." ... "Survivor is losing sponsors because of dividing teams by race, but they have picked up one new advertiser, Cracker Barrel."
On Jay Leno Ellen Degeneres revealed that on her ranch she has a cow named Holy and that she tried to revive a rodent with mouth-to-mouse resuscitation.
Chelsea to a Steven Spielberg
look-alike: "What was the movie you did with the alien?"
Chelsea Handler asked a homeless
man, "Why would I give you money for food when you have a perfectly
Steven: "Close Encounters?"
Chelsea: "No, the little guy."
Chelsea: "No, Tom Cruise."
Chelsea to a Steven Spielberg
look-alike: "What was the movie you did with the alien?"
Al Franken to Newt Gingrich: "Newt, don't you want that gay couple to have the same lifelong commitment you had with your first wife?"
Jimmy Carr: "A woman reaches her sexual peak after 35 years. A man reaches his after about four minutes. Which may be why we get more done."
Jay Leno Headlines had a news story about "Cedar Cyanide Hospital," a school's notice that, "Students are prohibited from wearing garments below the waist," and a classified ad, "ASS PLAYER AND DRUMMER NEEDED."
Jimmy Kimmel said Rosie got a big bouquet from Tom Cruise for her debut on The View. "She said it was delicious."
Speak of the devil, here's Tom
with Katie and baby Suri.
Out of the Castro
From Twin Peaks Blvd.
On St. Germain Ave.
The fifth floor bridge in the
Museum of Modern Art from the lobby.
Porcelain statue of Michael
Jackson and his monkey Bubbles by Jeff de Kooning on fifth floor of
Museum of Modern Art.
Found on neatorama.com
More Late Night Jokes
Jay Leno said Paris Hilton's DUI arrest was the most embarrassing thing to happen to her since her CD came out, and that Donald Rumsfeld's shoulder operation was a success. "He'll be back patting himself on the back by tomorrow."
On The View Rosie O'Donnell said when they bathed together her daughter asked, "When will I get my fur?" Joel McHale of E!'s The Soup wondered, "If they were taking a bath together, why did Rosie have her back to her daughter?" Joel also observed that with Katie Couric helming the news, "The CBS eye goes right up your colon." [Katie once had a colonoscopy on camera.]
Jay Leno remarked on the story of prisoners hiding cell phones in their colons: "There's a 'Can you hear me now?' commercial I don't want to see. I can't even get reception in a real tunnel. And you don't want to hear, 'Here, it's for you.'"
Rodney Dangerfield clip: "I told the bartender to surprise me. He showed me a naked picture of my wife."
On How I Met Your Mother:
Former date: "You hit on my Mom!"
Barney: "We weren't exclusive!"
David Letterman on Fashion Week in New York: "Today my cabdriver unveiled his new fragrance." Dave also said, "Al Gore wants to run again and avenge his 2000 victory," and, "I saw Paris on the internet, apparently taking her breathalyzer test."
Jay Leno "Headlines" had a classified ad for a "Singer sexing machine," and a guy selling a car who probably meant "immaculate" when he said, "Ejaculate inside and out." There was a supermarket ad for "99-cent Boston Butt Hole" and "12-pack Caca Cola."
A Fun Murder Mystery
Don't Point That Thing at Me by Kyril Bonfiglioli, 1972
It's about Charlie Mortdecai, degenerate aristocrat and amoral art dealer and his thug Jock Strapp
Jock's surname escapes me, I should
think it would be his mother's.
... an internationally known security organization which I always call Set-a-Thief.
I have never had any daughters, but this did not stop Mr. Spinoza sketching out their careers from the nursery to the street corner, so to speak.
I had to be firm about the netting for the standing drapes around my bed. I must admit it was rather lovely but I insisted that it should be blue-for-a-boy. I mean, I have my little ways but I'm not a deviate, for God's sake.
I know lots of men who can flounce but Mrs. Spon is the last woman who can do it.
I cocked an ear. Jock was outside the door, breathing through his nose, making mental notes, if you can properly call them that.
He gave me the hymn 'There is a Fountain Filled with Blood,' which never fails to please.
The folder looked fat and well-handled as a Welsh barmaid.
The sun was shining, the canary bellowing with joy.
The gears engaged in a way which reminded me of a warm spoon going in to a great deal of caviar.
He guffawed happily, his own man again now, reassured that all men are sphincters at bottom, if I may coin a phrase.
The Rolls started up gently, gladly, like a well-goosed widow.
"Ah, go blow it out your ass!" (A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth; and a word spoken in due season, how good it is! Prov. XV:23.)
All the beautiful young men at the Embassy hated me on sight, nasty little cupcakes, but they passed me through to the Ambassador with no more delay than was necessary to make them feel important.
I couldn't find it in my heart to love him but, poor chap, he was probably a Labour appointment; his corridors of power led only to the Gents.
I had never seen an ecdysiast before;
toward the end she was wearing nothing but seven beads, four of them
The effect was pretty sexy, I don't mind telling you. Mr. Abercrombie would have bitten Mr. Fitch if he'd seen it.
(I was to hear enough admiring 'shee-its' in the next few days to refertilize the entire Oklahoma dust bowl.) He giggled like a virgin as he dipped the nozzle into the petrol tank and sped me on my way with one last dungy praise spattering my ears.
She looked about as hard to get as a haircut and at about the same price.
Then the elderly Countess rose and made her way with fragile dignity to the door, where she let out a fart of such frightening power and timbre that I feared she had done herself a mischief.
"Put those people down, Jock," I said severely, "you don't know where they've been."
"Some of my best friends are women," I snapped, "though I certainly wouldn't want my daughter to marry one of them."
"Your mother and father only met once," I said carefully, "and money changed hands. Probably a dime."
"Nope," he said at last. "Have to ask the sheriff and he's to home by now. He don't admire to be disturbed at home 'cept for homicide of white Caucasians."
Bay Area Reporter “Out There” column, 9/14/06: Everlasting civic treasure and raconteur Strange de Jim checked in to say he’s heard from his old friend and soulmate Dame Edna, whose career is on a Gorgeous Upswing since she’s been signed to star in Medusa 2: Snakes on a Dame.
Yet More Late Night
On her local New York interview show actor Zach Braff told Cindy Adams he's bought a $350 shower head. "It gives me golden showers!" He knew what he was saying, but she didn't.
Norm Macdonald on David Letterman said he has very high cholesterol. "I hope they don't have to do a Letterman on me!" [Dave had open heart surgery a few years ago.] Norm also said he's been reading about Hitler. "The more I learn about the guy, the more I don't care for him." Norm has a new CD called Ridiculous that should be pretty good.
Dave Letterman noted that "Survivor has battling ethnic groups, just like The View."
Joel McHale of E!'s The Soup said of the divorce, "Whitney and Bobby finally found something they can quit." On Lindsay Lohan's purse being recovered, "Police don't know what is missing, but suspect a strong male role model." Also, "If you don't get enough football, just watch The Girl's Next Door [Hugh Hefner's girlfriends] pass around an old piece of leather."
Chelsea Handler: "I love little people, excuse me, midgets, but you have to respect them now. You can't just pick them up. You have to ask first." She told Gary Coleman she was 31, and he said, "I thought you were 35. I guess the face fooled me."
Jay Leno: "On Survivor the black, white and Latin teams were caught cheating off the Asian team."
Pictures from a site called Bits and Pieces. (Click to visit it.)
And from neatorama.com
Back in de Neighborhood
During Leather Week the rainbow
flag was replaced with the leather flag at Harvey Milk Plaza.
Castro Street Fair
Opening of the Westfield Shopping Center, Market and Powell, 9/28/06
And here's Mayor Gavin Newsom
after opening the Center.
The rainbow flag is flying again
at Harvey Milk Plaza, Castro and Market.
Click on the icon below to see San Francisco's Castro on Amazon.com
If you're a real adventurer you may also want to try The Strange Experience and learn why a hundred cuties, including these,
were happy to be a geek's friend and to recommend his Strange massage. Click on the icon below for Amazon.com.