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Castro Photos, Funny Pictures & Late-Night-TV Zingers

by Strange de Jim

May 2008



 

Castro Photos

Mayor Gavin Newsom announced gay marriages will start in San Francisco in 30 days!

 

The Hello Bunnies wave to passing cars and pedestrians to spread cheer. Here they are in front of Harvey's at 18th and Castro.

 

Harvey's friend Dan Nicoletta led the campaign to get this bust of Harvey Milk commissioned and then installed at the top of the grand staircase at City Hall.


Photo Dan Nicoletta

Here's abovementioned Dan Nicoletta (center) sitting with me (in beret) and a friend in front of Harvey Milk's old camera store on Castro Street, which has been recreated in its 1970s style for use in the Sean Penn/Gus Van Sant Milk movie.

 


Photo Dan Nicoletta
Back in February Dan and I had walked up to look at the restoration of the Castro Theatre for the Milk movie, and he'd shot me with the sparkling Connie Champagne.

 

This month I took a trip to Morgantown, West Virginia, to visit family. Actor Don Knotts came from Morgantown, so this store is just full of Deputy Barney Fife memorabilia. The city also boasts a Don Knotts Boulevard.

 

I also enjoyed this sign warning that no guns are allowed in the Morgantown Public Library.

 

 

From Andrea Jacobson

Sent by Gregg Slapak

David after a trip to America.

 

From Cindy Morse

From Neatorama.com

Click for Art of Manliness list.

Click for baby face tile link.

Click for "Smooth Criminal" video.

Click for history mysteries.

Click for James Brown & Pavarotti video.

Click for more manbabies.

Click for planet Earth video.

Click for songs of praise video.

Click for worldwide telescope.

 

Late-Night-TV Zingers

I only did the first ten days and then flew off to West Virginia.

May 1, 2008: Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock: "I even stopped to catch a snowflake on my tongue, which evidently is some sort of signal in Chelsea."

May 2: Dave Letterman: "When Tom Cruise answered the door for his interview, Oprah asked, 'Is your daddy home?'"

Jay Leno: Baghdad now has a Bank of Death to America and a Sheiky's Pizza." Also, "Studies show porn is the first thing guys cut down on, after they've lost their jobs, their homes and their families."

May 5: Dave Letterman: "Barbara Walters reveals she even had a 3-way with Mr. and Mrs. McGreevy."

Jimmy Kimmel grew up in Las Vegas, where he went to Sammy Davis, Junior, Junior High."

Jay Leno Headlines: "Pork roast - whole or bonerless."

May 7: Dave Letterman: "To raise money Hillary entered a wet pantsuit competition." Dave showed the index of Barbara Walters' memoirs. Under "Dudes, slept with" was a slew of page numbers. Comedian Andy Kindler's girlfriend has restless breast syndrome.

May 8: Jay Leno said Barbara Walters admitted to an affair with a prominent black man, and showed a photo of Gary Coleman. "Actually he was a Republican Senator, and they did it on a wawa bed." Jay also quoted John McCain's Viagra ad: "If your erection lasts more than a hundred years, pull out."

Conan O'Brien: "Israel is 60, and is retiring and moving to Florida."

May 9: Comedian Jordan Rubin: "Gay guys are always hitting on me. I'm strong enough for a man, but I'm pH balanced for a woman."

Jay Leno: "President Bush reached out to the gay community. He shook hands with Jenna's wedding planner."

Craig Ferguson: "Craig is a boy's name, until the weekend, when it becomes a girl's name."

May 10: Amy Poehler: "Two Texas students dug up a corpse and made the head into a bong. Then one of them said, 'Wait, I do have papers.'"

 

 

 

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The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson, Broadway Books, 2006, $14.95

Page 3 - What made it unfortunate in my father's case is that he would do his isometrics on airplanes.

4 - Then he would give a demonstration to an audience that swiftly consisted of no one. My dad was a sportswriter for The Des Moines Register. I have had my hair tousled by Stan Musiel. I have handed Willie Mays a ball ... sat beside Ernie Banks

5 - The 5 percent of people on Earth who were American had more wealth than the other 95 percent combined. Remarkably, almost all this wealth was American made. Of the 7.5 million new cars sold in America in 1954, for instance, 99.93 percent were made in America by Americans. We became the richest country in the world without needing the rest of the world.


8 - In fact, color television didn't come to our neighborhood until nearly the end of the decade, when Mr. Kiessler on St. John's Road bought an enormous RCA Victor Consolette, the flagship of the RCA fleet, for a lot of money. For at least two years his was the only known color television in private ownership, which made it a fantastic novelty. On Saturday evenings the children of the neighborhood would steal into his yard and stand in his flower beds to watch a program called My Living Doll through the double windows behind his sofa. I am pretty certain that Mr. Kiessler didn't realize that two dozen children of various ages and sizes were silently watching the TV with him or wouldn't have played with himself quite so enthusiastically every time the nubile Julie Newmar bounded onto the screen. I assumed it was some sort of isometrics.

Note: Here are Miss Julie and her brother, with me in the center, at Harvey's.

I read her the above excerpt, and she was absolutely delighted. Below is her Christmas card photo this year at age 74. The photo appeared in the special January 24 Billionaires issue of Forbes Magazine. Her home will be featured in the July-August issue of Cottage Living Magazine. Click for Mz. Julie's Wikipedia entry.

Now back to The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid .

43 - ... Lanny Kowalski's little brother Lumpy, so called because his pants always had a soggy lump of poop in them. I expect they still do.

52 - [His mom made him wear Capri pants to school.] The principal, Mrs. Unnaturally Enormous Bosom, who in normal circumstances was the sort of person who wouldn't get off her ass if her chair was on fire, made a special visit to have a look at me and laughed so hard she popped a button on her blouse.

64 - Nearly all the heroic figures of the day were odd and just a touch unsettling. Most lived with another man, except Roy Rogers, the singing cowboy, who lived with a woman, Dale Evans, who dressed like a man.

89 - Mr. Milton had an Adam's apple the size of a champagne cork and bore as uncanny a resemblance to the Disney character Goofy as was possible without actually being a cartoon dog. His wife was just like him but hairier.

94 - [Mr. Milton dove off an incredibly high diving board and looked] as if he had suffered some unimaginable misfortune involving an industrial sander ... Later that same afternoon Milton Junior cut himself with a hatchet that he had been told on no account to touch, so that he ended up bleeding, in pain, and in trouble all at the same time. It was the best day of my life.

107 - [His sister's specialty was spotting celebrity homosexuals.] She told me Rock Hudson was gay in 1959, long before anyone would have guessed it. She knew that Richard Chamberlain was gay before he did, I believe. She was uncanny.

109 - I rushed into the bedroom, expecting to find my father unpacking. To my surprise, the shades were drawn and my parents were in bed wrestling under the sheets. More astonishing still, my mother was winning. My father was obviously in some distress. He was making a noise like a small trapped animal. "What are you doing?" I asked. "Ah, Billy, your mother is just checking my teeth," my father replied quickly if not altogether convincingly. We were all quiet for a moment. "Are you bare under there?" I asked. "Why, yes we are." "Why?" "Well," my father said as if that was a story that would take some telling, "we got a bit warm. It's warm work, teeth and gums and so on. Look, Billy, we're nearly finished here. Why don't you go downstairs and we'll be down shortly." I believe you are supposed to be traumatized by these things. I can't remember being troubled at all, though it was some years before I let my mother look in my mouth again. ... because having sex wasn't easy in the 1950s. Within marriage, with the man on top and woman gritting her teeth, it was just about legal, but almost anything else was forbidden in America in those days.

258 - "It doesn't appear that you are qualified to do much of anything." "I guess I'll have to be a high-school career counselor then!" I quipped lightly, but I'm afraid Mrs. Smolting did not take it well. A quarter of young American males were in the armed forces in 1968. Nearly all the rest were in school, in prison, or were George W. Bush.


Click to see my photo history of San Francisco's Castro.

 

Heck, you might as well check out all my books.

Click for free text

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Books, CDs & DVDs I
Found Good &/or Funny

www.strangebillions.com/fun/

 

 

Here are Amazon.com's Current Top Gay Books.

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Amazon's Top Humor Books

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Amazon.com's Top Stand-Up Comic DVDs

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Kindle

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