O'Brien 5, Leno 5, Letterman 4,
Ferguson 3, Fallon 3, Stewart 1, Colbert 1, Kimmel 1
March 1 Strangie to Jon Stewart: Sarah Palin was
so accomplished as Governor she graduated early.
Wednesday, March 2 Strangie to Conan
O'Brien: A lock of Justin Bieber's hair sold on eBay today for over
$40,000. Do you think I should frame it or make it into a bracelet?
Thursday, March 3 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson: I recently stayed in a hotel with a mirror on the
right above the bed. I woke up in the middle of the night terrified.
"My God, there's an out-of-shape old man stuck to my ceiling, and he
has a massive penis."
Friday, March 4 Strangie to Jay
Monday, March 7 Strangie to Conan
Tuesday, March 8 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson: In New Orleans tonight the streets are awash in necklaces. If
only you could have waited a few weeks, Lindsay Lohan.
Wednesday, March 9 Strangie to Stephen
Colbert: I'm giving up Catholicism for Lent. It's a great sacrifice,
but it just shows my devotion to the great religion I no longer
practice. [He wiped the ashes off his forehead.] Wow, I feel so empty.
Is this what Unitarians feel like all the time?
Thursday, March 10 Strangie to Conan
O'Brien: After 60 years of service the Dalai Lama is stepping down as
the political leader of Tibet. He heard there was an opening on "Two
and a Half Men."
Friday, March 11 Strangie to Craig Ferguson: This weekend we
set the clocks ahead and lose an hour of our lives. It's like nature's
version of Facebook.
Monday, March 14 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon: Talking to students today President Obama said he always got in
trouble in middle school. In fact, he talked so much in class the
teacher took away his teleprompter.
Tuesday, March 15 Strangie to David Letterman: A woman in Virginia
showed up in court with a monkey in her bra. Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay!
Wednesday, March 16 Strangie to David Letterman: In Central Park
today I saw an elderly lady sitting on a bench feeding the squirrels.
To her pit bull. Thursday,
March 17 Strangie to Jimmy Kimmel, who had
Billy Dee Williams offer Harry Baals Commemorative Busts.
March 18 Strangie to Jay Leno: Tomorrow night is a full moon scientists
are calling a Super Moon. It'll be 30% brighter because this is the
closest the moon has come to Earth in 20 years. They're actually
worried, because they have no idea what effect this might have on
Monday March 21 Strangie to David
Letterman: America's national pastime is underway: Barry Bonds' steroid
trial. Barry walked into court in San Francisco today in a really tight
white mini dress.
Tuesday, March 22 Strangie toDavid Letterman: We have wars in
Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya. Our theater of war is a multiplex.
Wednesday, March 23 Strangie to Conan
O'Brien: Sarah Palin in Israel asked the Israelis, "Why are you
apologizing all the time?" The Israelis said, "Because we told
everybody Tina Fey was coming."
Thursday, March 24 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon: When President Obama returned from South American and tried to
get into the Oval Office the door was locked. He said, "Holy cow, is it
Friday, March 25 Strangie to Jay Leno: Does it bother you, producing sperm
in a lab? How many guys prefer fresh squeezed?
Monday, March 28 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon: There's a new magazine for gay military members. It's mainly
just photos of privates.
Tuesday, March 29 Strangie to Conan
O'Brien: A woman in Boston tried to
get past airport security wearing a diaper stuffed with 100 grams of
cocaine. The giveaway was that her vagina kept yelling, "Winning!"
Wednesday, March 30 Strangie to Jay
Leno: In England a couple met through an
internet dating service, fell in love, and then found out they were a
long-lost brother and sister. On the plus side, it takes a lot of
pressure off meeting the parents.
Thursday, March 31 Strangie to Jay
Leno: The airlines lost 29 million bags
last year. They ask us all those questions. We should be the ones
asking the questions. "Do you have our bags? Have you let them out of
your sight? Did you put them on the plane yourselves?"