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Castro Photos, Funny Pictures & Late-Night-TV Zingers

by Strange de Jim

March 2008


Castro Photos

Here's the Easter crowd in Dolores Park. The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence put on a show.


This is the reopening of the renovated Noe Valley Branch of the library. Inside and out, they did a beautiful job.


Mayor Gavin Newsom in the center is speaking. Far left is Supervisor Bevan Dufty. State Sen. Carole Migden is the pale lady two over. New State Sen. Mark Leno is two to the right of the Mayor.


A Chinese dragon leads the crowd into the library.


Here's a crowd of extras ready to film a scene for the movie Milk starring Sean Penn.


My friends Sweet Pam and Rumi were in a show, but I didn't get to see it.


From Neatorama.com

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Sent by Gregg Slapak

A hundred Spanish firefighters were showing their firehoses in a protest asking for better training and higher pay.


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Late-Night TV Zingers

3/4/08: Jimmy Kimmel: "Hillary's people accused Obama's people of trying to throw a bucket of water on her and make her melt."

3/5/08: Craig Ferguson: "Project Runway is like American Gladiators, but less gay."

3/11/08: Dave Letterman on disgraced NY governor Eliot Spitzer: "There but for a declined credit card go I."

Jay Leno: "A woman was accused of putting Viagra in the company drinking water. That was really hard water."

3/12/08: Stephen Colbert: "Eliot Spitzer: whore today, gone tomorrow. Where will he find solace? We should have suspected from his bumper sticker: 'My Other Ride Is a Hooker.'"

Dave Letterman: "Spitzer left his resignation on the night table with a $300 tip. Hookers in Times Square are wearing black armbands."

Jimmy Kimmel: "Spitzer didn't like to use condoms, which was just the cherry on top of the cake for his wife."

3/13/08: Jay Leno on Spitzer: "Horton Hires a Ho."

Dave Letterman: "Now Spitzer's looking for a job. That's what got him in trouble in the first place."

3/14/08: Dave Letterman: "We have all these crises. I just hope the President doesn't find out."

Jay Leno showed a clip of a hooker saying she wouldn't name clients and then the Senate standing and applauding. "Dr. Kavorkian is running for Congress. Talk about a candidate with skeletons in his closet!" [On the latest fad] "If you eat food off a naked woman, be sure to wear a condiment."

3/15/08: SNL Amy Poehler on Spitzer: "Seems like the whistle blower was having his whistle blown." Seth Meyers: "The first one voted off American Idol was David Hernandez, a former stripper, and now a current stripper." Tracey Morgan: "Bitch may be the new black, but black is the next President, bitch."

3/18/08: Jay Leno: "A woman is suing American Airlines because the guy next to her was masturbating. Talk about snakes on a plane!"

3/19/08: Jay Leno: "Heather Mills has the wooden leg and the treasure. Now all she needs in the eye patch and parrot."

3/21/08: Joel McHale on The Soup: "Dancing With the Stars features an even number of legs this year, but they have a deaf contestant, who says, 'Read my hips.'" Comedian Kirk Fox: "If they wanted me to pay back my student loan they shouldn't have let me major in anthropology."

Dave Letterman: "Kirstie Alley has stepped down from her job as Jenny Craig spokesperson. Well, technically she was lowered by a crane."

3/24/08: Dave Letterman on Eliot Spitzer leaving his black socks on while sleeping with hookers: "Who does he think he is, Rosie O'Donnell?"

3/25/08: Dave Letterman: "Pamela Anderson goes through husbands like New York goes through governors." "A 93-year-old guy was hiring hookers. That's what happens when Medicare covers Viagra."

3/31/08: Jon Stewart: "Were you at my bar mitzvah?" John Oliver: "No, I wasn't invited. Or living."Jay Leno "Headlines": Church sign: "Sermon - Discovering God's Willy."


Portraits and Observations: The Essays of Truman Capote, Random House, 2007, $28.95

From 1948 New Orleans, the year he published Other Voices, Other Rooms. He died in 1984. Quotes below.


Page 11 - I do not think going home possible for her. She belongs to that sect most swiftly, irrevocably trapped by New York, the talented untalented; too acute to accept a more provincial climate, yet not quite acute enough to breathe freely within the one so desired, they go along neurotically feeding upon the fringes of the New York scene. Only success, and that at a perilous peak, can give relief, but for artists without an art, it is always tension without release, irritation with no resulting pearl.

18 - ... and her suspicion is the sort that goes with those who, despising everything, are looking for a reason.

27 - [Xmas in L.A.] - ... carols, hurled from lamppost loudspeakers, pour their syrup on the air, and tinsel, twinkling in twenty-four-karat sunshine, hangs everywhere like swamp moss. It could not be more Christmas, or less so.

53 - The precise relation of these three to each other is not altogether printable; suffice to say that between them they combine every known vice.

125 - "Darling, please. It's not important, not the tiniest bit. If they'll just put me somewhere, I wouldn't dream of moving," said Mrs. Gershwin, who was destined, in the course of the next few days, to insist on changing her accommodations three times.

198 - [Marlon Brando per a friend] - "He was the least opportunistic person I've ever known. He never gave a damn about anybody who could help him; you might say he went out of his way to avoid them. Sure, part of that Ñ the kind of people he didn't like and the kind he did, both Ñ stemmed from his insecurities, his inferiority feelings. Very few of his friends were his equals Ñ anybody he'd have to compete with, if you know what I mean. Mostly they were strays, idolizers, characters who were dependent on him one way or another. The same with the girls he took out. Plain sort of somebody's-secretary-type girls Ñ nice enough but nothing that's going to start a stampede of competitors." (The last-mentioned preference of Brando's was true of him as an adolescent, too, or so his grandmother has said. As she put it, "Marlon always picked on the cross-eyed girls.")

200 - [James Dean] - ... cultivated a cranky, colorful newspaper personality that mingled, to a skillfully potent degree, plain bad boy and sensitive sphinx.

220 - ... but a career woman impure and simple like Chanel arouses ...

225 - [Mae West] - Removed from the protecting realm of her hilarious creation, her sexless symbol of uninhibited sexuality, she was without defense: her long lashes fluttered like the feelers of a beetle on its back.

293 - [Colette] - So there she lay, propped up by layers of lace-edged pillows, her eyes liquid with life, with kindness, with malice.

403 - [on a sheet of paper in a typewriter] Zsa Zsa Gabor is 305 years old I know Because I counted Her Rings

461 - [From "Nocturnal Turnings or How Siamese twins Have Sex, 1979] For instance, one night I was sitting with friends at a table in a crowded Key West bar. At a nearby table, there was a mildly drunk woman with a very drunk husband. Presently, the woman approached me and asked me to sign a paper napkin. All this seemed to anger her husband; he staggered over to the table, and after unzipping his trousers and hauling out his equipment, said: "Since you're autographing things, why don't you autograph this?" The tables surrounding us had grown silent, so a great many people heard my reply, which was: "I don't know if I can autograph it, but perhaps I can initial it."

463 - [talking to a lady who frequented the same library in New York, also from "Nocturnal Turnings"] "I really like Willa Cather. Have you read My Mortal Enemy?" With no particular expression, she said, "Actually, I wrote it."

479 - [From "A Beautiful Child," 1979, Marilyn Monroe speaking] "I've always know Errol zigzagged. I have a masseur, he's practically my sister, and he was Tyrone Power's masseur, and he told me all about the thing Errol and Ty Power had going."

503 - [From "Remembering Tennessee," 1983. With Tennessee Williams in a crowded bar in Key West with both gays and straights] A husband and wife were sitting at a little table in the corner, and they were both quite drunk. She had on a pair of slacks and a halter top, and she approached our table and held out an eyebrow pencil. She wanted me to autograph her belly button. I just laughed and said, "On no. Leave me alone." "How can you be so cruel?" Tennessee said to me, and as everyone in the place watched, he took the eyebrow pencil and wrote my name around her navel. When she got back to her table, her husband was furious. Before we knew it, he had grabbed the eyebrow pencil out of her hand and walked over to where we were sitting, whereupon he unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock and said Ñ to me Ñ "Since you're autographing everything today, would you mind autographing mine?" I had never heard a place with three hundred people in it get that quiet. I didn't know what to say Ñ I just looked at him. Then Tennessee reached up and took the eyebrow pencil out of the stranger's hand. "I don't know that there's room for Truman to autograph it," he said, giving me a wink, "but I'll initial it." It brought down the house.

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