August 1 Strangie to David
Letterman: The Tea Party is not happy with the deal. Everything they
wanted is not enough.
Tuesday, August 2 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon: On the new season of "Jersey Shore" you'll get to see Florence,
Italy, through Snooki's eyes. And you'll get to see Naples through J.
Wednesday, August 3 Strangie to Jay Leno: In ten
years the debt will be $27 trillion dollars. But that will be President
Thursday, August 4 Strangie to Conan O'Brien: The
whole 4th season of "Jersey Shore" takes place in Italy. I had no idea
the Pope even had a hot tub.
Friday, August 5 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson from Paris: In France it's still OK to smoke after sex. You
just have to ask everybody else in the elevator first.
Monday, August 8 Strangie to Jimmy Kimmel: Wall
Street got so hammered today Ronnie and The Situation tried to have sex
Tuesday, August 9 Strangie to Jon Stewart:
"Newsweek" used a photo to make Michele Bachmann appear crazy. That's
what her words are for.
Wednesday, August 10 Strangie to
Snooki announced she's
releasing her own fragrance. Nobody had the heart to tell her she
Thursday, August 11 Strangie to Jon
Stewart: Indecision 2012: Ames, Iowa: Corn Polled Edition: Sarah Palin
is bringing her bus to Iowa. She's not going to be part of the debate,
just close enough to drown it out. I swear she's going to run for Mayor
Friday, August 12 Strangie to Jay Leno: Michele
Bachmann was asked if she was a submissive wife. She said no, but her
Monday, August 15 Strangie to Jimmy Kimmel:
I went to one restaurant in Chicago, they had
duck testicles as an appetizer. What? Like I'm not going to order them?
Well, they look like any bird testicles. Actually they look like white
beans, and they taste like chicken testicles.
Tuesday, August 16 Strangie to Conan
O'Brien: Mitt Romney said he was in Iowa when he was actually in New
Hampshire. He explained, "I accidentally mixed up my sea of white
Wednesday, August 17 Strangie to Jimmy
Kimmel: Rick Perry is for small government, and he knows how to shoot a
grenade launcher. He's like the Sarah Palin of politics.
Thursday, August 18 Strangie to Conan
O'Brien: Gerard Depardieu has apologized for urinating on the floor of
the first class cabin of an airline. He said, "I'm sorry. I thought I
was in coach."
Friday, August 19, all shows in reruns.
Monday, August 22
Strangie to David Letterman [A terrorist had threatened to cut out his
tongue]: Tonight you people are more to me than an
audience. You're more like a human shield.
Tuesday, August 23
Strangie to Chelsea
Handler: Megan Fox is having her Marilyn Monroe tattoo removed. Ben
Gleib: That bums me out, because now I have to have the Marilyn Monroe
tattoo removed from my Megan Fox tattoo.
24 Strangie to David
Letterman showed a clip of Rachel Maddow, supposedly on her own show:
Heightened security around the Ed Sullivan Theatre after David
Letterman was threatened on an Al Qaeda website. The host is keeping a
low profile, only venturing outside when he leaves the office at
precisely 9:45 p.m., when he gets into his electric blue Toyota Prius
for the ride to his home at 97 Fillmore Place in Larchmont, New York,
third house on the left from the corner, with the blue shutters.
Security password, sadly, is D-A-V-E. You can also track Dave on the
new NBC Dave Tracker iPad app.
25 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson: On the "Today Show" today they had a 75-year-old woman on.
Not Kathie Lee or Hoda, a different 75-year-old woman, who had double-D
breast implants. They could save her life. "I've fallen and I bounced
Friday, August 26
Strangie to Craig Ferguson: It's true. An intern here opened a
which contained white powder. It turned out to be harmless, and that's
a shame, because I feel we have too many interns around here.
Monday, August 29
Strangie to David
Letterman: Dick "Kaboom" Cheney has written a book, and he says he
wouldn't change anything. He feels strongly about this. He'd still
invade the wrong country.
Tuesday, August 30
Strangie to David
Letterman: After Hurricane Irene the power was off in the neighborhood,
and the neighbors came over because they could hear my generator, which
keeps the electric fence going. They wanted to know if it would be all
right if they came in and watched Leno.
31 Strangie to Jimmy Fallon: Simon Cowell wants to be cryogenically
frozen when he dies. And it looks like his nipples are off to a head