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Zingers & Funny Pictures by Strange de Jim August 2007
Princess Diana Anniversary
Dear de Chron,
August 31 is the tenth
anniversary of Princess Diana's death. The following is from the San
Francisco
Chronicle, August 30.
Barehanded, Princess Diana shook hands with 100 lepers in one day. She
hugged AIDS patients no one else would touch, went to Angola and walked
through an active mine field because she knew the power of a picture.
Millions of us felt a warmth in our hearts as we saw her on TV reaching
out and touching the elderly, the sick and the disadvantaged. We
watched her greet her young sons William and Harry with hugs of pure
joy. She's been gone ten years this week, and the images still inspire
us. When ex-Prime Minister Tony Blair was asked recently if Diana's
life had signified a new way to be royal, he replied without
hesitation. "Diana taught us a new way to be British." She taught us
how to be human.
Love,
Strange de Jim
I've done a separate page, based
on The Diana Chronicles by Tina Brown, telling how playboy
Prince Charles married England's last titled virgin, Lady Diana
Spencer, and all the horrible and wonderful things that ensued. Click
for an amazing story at http://www.strangebillions.com/diana/
Here's the flag at Harvey Milk
Plaza from the north August 1.
I liked the pattern of shadows
under this tree on Noe at Alvarado.
The only real evidence of the
3-alarm fire at 420 Noe, near 17th, is this pile of burnt rubble, but
several people were injured.
I liked this "No Corporate
Aftertaste" tee at Harvey's. The wearer said it was from a neighborhood
coffeeshop in Indiana.
A Book I Enjoyed this Month
Include Me Out, My Life from
Goldwyn to Broadway by Farley Granger with Robert Calhoun, St.
Martin's Press, 2007
Farley Granger was a movie star in the 1940s and 1950s (probaably best
known for Hitchcock's Rope and Strangers on a Train)
and then a Broadway star. He joined the Navy in WWII and was shipped to
Hawaii, where in one night he lost his virginity to a woman and
then to a man. "He grabbed my arm, took the drink out of my hand,
looked into my eyes, and pulled me into his arms. After the first
instant of shock and surprise, I struggled for a moment to pull away.
Then I realized how excited I was. Before I knew it, we were in the
bedroom and out of our clothes."
"It was a while before I was able to sort through my new experiences. I
lost my virginity twice in one night. Maybe it was good that I had
waited so long. Otherwise, how would I have had the stamina? The way I
have lived my life ever since was set on that fateful night in Hawaii.
I knew that what had happened between Liana and me was wonderful and
right. I was confused by the fact that what had happened between Archie
and me felt just as wonderful and just as right. I know most people
would not see it that way, but try as I did, I could not feel any sense
of guilt. Liana and I had pleasured each other, which made us both
happy and had harmed no one. Archie and I had brought each other
happiness and pleasure, and we also had harmed no one. What had passed
between us was no one's business but ours. I finally came to the
conclusion that for me, everything I had done that night was as natural
and good as it had felt. The fact that I had to be secretive about
Archie was a question of public perception and military policy, not of
morals. I didn't care what others might feel or think, but I wasn't
stupid. I knew discretion was important then, but I looked forward to
the time when I could be myself. And that's how I have lived and still
continue to live my life. Fortunately, it has been many years since I
felt the need to be secretive. ... I have loved men. I have loved
women. I will talk with affection and without guilt or remorse about
both in this book."
His lovers included Leonard Bernstein, Patricia Neal, Arthur Laurents,
Shelley Winters, Ava Gardner, Barbara Stanwyck, Janice Rule and his
lover for the last couple of decades, Bob Calhoun.
He was interested in acting, not in being a star. His friends included
Lillian Hellman, Lewis Milestone, Aaron Copland, Ira Gershwin, Dana
Andrews, Teresa Wright ,, Walter Brennan, Walter Huston, Ann Harding,
Erich von Stroheim, Jane Withers, Roddy McDowell, Betty Comden and
Adolph Green, Jerome Robbins, Judy Holliday, Oscar Levant, Phil
Silvers, Gene and Betsy Kelly, Judy Garland, Lena Horne, Frank Sinatra,
Johnny Mercer, Harold Arlen, Ethel Merman, Bette Davis, Hedy Lamarr,
Charlie Chaplin, Paulette Goddard, Richard Rogers and Oscar
Hammerstein, Stella Adler, Peggy Guggenheim, Orson Welles, Robert
Walker, Alfed Hitchcock, Ingrid Bergman, Cary Grant, Humphrey Bogart,
Barbara Cook, Richard Burton, The Beatles, Sean Connery, Betty Bacall,
Errol Flynn, Ned Rorem, Gary Cooper, Clark Gable, David Niven, Ray
Milland, James Mason, Tyrone Power and wife Linda Christian, Judy
Garland, Vincente and Liza Minnelli, Billie Burke, Annie Miller, Jane
Powell, Joan Crawford, Montgomery Clift, Count Luchino Visconti, Franco
Zeffirelli, Mike Todd, Joan Collins, Cornelia Otis Skinner, Bob Fosse,
Gloria Vanderbilt, Jimmy Kirkwood, Tom Tryon, Sidney Lumet, Helen
Hayes, Noel Coward, Jule Styne, Marlene Dietrich, Julie Harris, Arthur
Miller, Hal Prince, Gore Vidal, Uta Hagen, Jessica Tandy, Hume Cronyn,
Edward Albee, and Joe Papp.
Another Visit to the de Young Museum
Pay for View
This house at 253 Collingwood has
great views, along with two big bedrooms, plus separate one-bedroom and
studio apartments, $2,849,000. Click
for
details.
This condo at 169 Alpine Terrace
has pano views, master and guest bedrooms, and a loft, $1,995,000. Click for details.
Here's the view from the 4
bedroom house at 3732 21st @ Sanchez. It's $1,998,000. Click for details.
From Neatorama.com
Click for all 40 sand sculptures.
Click for all 52 photos.
(You'll have to scroll down to the start.)
Click for the entire collection, including the two below.
Click for photos of Earth from space.
Click for more "Spare Room" funny pics, including the next two.
Click for more fun and weird door stops.
Click for more overlooked mysteries.
Click to see the amazing "Women in Film."
Sent by Ace Realtor Gregg Slapak
The lady below is Maxine.
"First Kiss" Sent by Cindy Morse
Brazilian Bed Ad Sent by Todd Trexler
TV Zingers
Wednesday Night, August 1
Jay Leno: "Hillary Clinton has been
showing a little cleavage out there on the campaign trail, so today
Barack Obama made a speech with a rolled-up sock in his pants."
Also, "For their anniversary John Edwards took his wife to Wendy's.
Most guys get an $8 haircut and take their wife for a $400 meal ..."
And, "The astronauts are going to blast off from Cape Canaveral and
return a week later to the Promises Rehab Center." Plus, "Nicole
Richie is 4 months pregnant. Now Brittney's kids will have someone to
go to rehab with." Best: "The Simpson’s Movie took in $71 million,
killed the competition. In fact, it's the biggest slaughter by a
Simpson since ..." On an 88-year-old man becoming an Eagle Scout.
"A Bald Eagle Scout. His tent is an oxygen tent. And how old are the
people he helps across the street?" Finally, "There are supposedly 237
reasons to have sex. All from women. Men don't need a reason."
Guest Anderson Cooper said going gray early is like premature
ejaculation. "You don't think it can happen to you, and when it does
you're really surprised."
Craig Ferguson on the Graceland restoration: "Elvis used to shoot his
TVs, but you have to remember, that was before the remote control."
Craig to guest Jonathan Silverman: "Did you include any Scottish
traditions in your wedding?" Jonathan: "I'm sure we must have. There
was a pig and a goat."
Actor Seth Rogan on Conan: "My Citizen Kane was Porky's."
Jimmy Kimmel: "I'm not gay. I think I would be if I were in better
shape."
Dave Letterman: "There's a new study out that says there are 237
reasons why people have sex. My number 1 reason is that my credit card
went through. Reason No. 237: Something to do while my wife is running
for president."
Craig Ferguson: "Here's what caught my eye today: A Tennessee minister
was arrested for being drunk, high, and for wearing a skirt. Why is
that illegal? Where I am from, if you see a guy drunk, stoned out of
his mind, and wearing a skirt, you say, 'Good morning, Grandpa!'”
Thursday Night, August 2
Jon Stewart: "If you thought you knew everything about Cheney, you
don't know Dick." And on Barack's threats to Pakistan: "Wow, who
put the 'bomb' in Obama?"
Chris Rock commercial: "I wouldn't let Michael Jackson watch my kids
on TV."
Stephen Colbert: "The Barry Bonds thing perfectly exemplifies baseball,
waiting for something to happen."
Jay Leno: "The big story everyone is talking about, Hillary Clinton
showing a little cleavage. It's amazing isn't it? The United States is
231 years old, but apparently the media is only 13." Also, "Gary
Coleman was caught in a car having an argument with a woman about their
relationship. He wanted to continue it, but didn't have the $300." On
the
237 reasons to have sex: "Women always told me the 237 reasons not
to have sex." And, "For her birthday Prince Charles gave Camilla a pair
of sheep. I think he's hoping for a 3-way."
Dave Letterman: "The new host of The View is Whoopi Goldberg. Rosie had
to leave because of dog fighting." Also, "It was so hot today fat
guys were making their own gravy." And, "Paris Hilton is making a
horror movie about organ harvesting. I think I saw her on the internet
harvesting an organ."
Craig Ferguson: "The Internet has finally met its match. Elton John. He
wants to shut it down. He says it stifles creativity. And prevents real
human connection. I think he's just repulsed by the Internet because
it's full of naked women." "I have a big ego combined with low self
esteem. I'm the big piece of crap in the center of the Universe."
Jimmy Kimmel: Elton John told a newspaper in London that the
Internet is killing creativity and should be shut down. Imagine that.
We'd have to go back to drawing our own pornography."
Harland Williams on Conan: "Did you ever make love so fast an airbag
popped out of her face?"
Friday Night, August 3
Jay Leno: "Rolling Stone Keith Richards is writing his autobiography Tuesdays
with
Rigor Mortis."
Frazier: "Dad, don't you believe in
second chances?" Martin: "I did, and then we had Niles."
Jay Leno: "Hillary Clinton was chastised by the Washington Post for
showing too much cleavage in front of the Senate. Isn’t this
ridiculous! Shouldn’t we be focusing on Iraq, not her rack?"
"Yesterday, former Arkansas state representative, a man named Jim Bob
Duggar, and his wife had their 17th child, and right afterwards he and
his wife said they want more. See that? Another Republican with no
plans to pullout." "The ex-wife of former New Jersey Gov. James
McGreevey is reportedly asking for $56,000 a month in alimony.
McGreevey has to pay his wife alimony until she dies or until she
marries another gay man"
Dave Letterman: "On this date in 1888, Theo Van Kannel invented the
revolving door. So, you have him to thank for New York’s criminal
justice system."
Conan O'Brien: "Britney Spears is in trouble again. She took her
22-month-old son to the dentist to have his teeth whitened. Britney
defended herself by saying, 'It was either have his teeth whitened or
stop giving him coffee and cigarettes.'” "Donald Trump is coming out
with bedroom furniture. He says his bed is special; it automatically
kicks your wife out when she turns 30."
Craig Ferguson: "Today’s a great day for music fans. Lollapalooza
starts today in Chicago. Three days of rebellion, drugs, and corporate
sponsorship." "Iggy Pop is playing there. I love Iggy! He just turned
60. [Shows a photo of Iggy Pop with whole body looking very wrinkled.]
Human beef jerky." " It’s my mother’s birthday today! Happy birthday
Mother. It’s also Martha Stewart’s birthday. They don’t have anything
in common . . . except the jail time."
Monday Night, August 6
Jay Leno: "James Brown is the father of two more kids! That's the best
time to find out you're a father, after you're dead." "Working on
Dick Cheney's heart, talk about microsurgery!" "Face transplants.
There's a tough surgery to talk the wife into." "Paul McCartney is
willing to pay Heather Mills $40 million, but she wants $100 million,
or as the L.A. Diocese calls it, 'getting off cheap.''
Headlines: "Northern Squat bath tissue." "One-Armed Man Applauds
Kindness of Strangers." "Vacation Bile School." "Nuclear Plant
Gets Glowing Report." "For sale: three black convicts." "1998 Vulva."
Guest Kevin Neelon on his child's birth: "The doctor said, 'The head
is coming out. See that thing that looks like a purple rock?' I said,
'No, I think that's always been there.'"
Craig Ferguson on hotel living: "Always leave room in your bag for the
hotel bathrobe, and when the porn shows up on your bill, deny, deny,
deny." "I wanted to rent a kayak, but all they had was a 2-man one. I
thought about renting another man, but I thought, no." Craig was
attacked by a seal. "And you don't hear seals coming. They don't have
that music like sharks. I thought, 'If I live, this will be Monday
night's monologue. If I don't, it'll be somebody else's. "Hey, Kevin,
did you hear Craig was eaten by a seal?"'" "I don't mind dogs
humping my leg. It's the disinterested look on their faces that gets
me."
Jay Leno: "If you haven’t seen The Bourne Ultimatum, it’s about
a guy who works for the government but can’t remember his past. The
original title was The Alberto Gonzales Story.” "Today Chinese
officials recalled 1 million tons of lead because it may contain toys."
"According to Glamour magazine, 83 percent of women tell their
friends secrets to their husbands. So women, if you tell your
girlfriend something, 83 percent chance she will tell her husband. But
the good news? One hundred percent of the men aren’t listening anyway."
Conan O'Brien: "The New York Times reduced the size of their
paper. They reduced the width by an inch and a half. The news was
announced with the headline, 'Big News at New York Tim.'”
Craig Ferguson: "Great day for America, especially if you like Hooters.
Hooters has announced they’re building a restaurant in the Middle East.
There’ll be a few different menu items: get your ja-hot wings . . .
infa-deli sandwich . . . Taliban-anna cream pie . . ." "Four hundred
people in Florida were stung by jellyfish over the weekend. Did you
know that jellyfish have no brains? None. They're like the Baldwins of
the sea."
Tuesday Night, August 7
"Drop and Give Me $20" was the Daily Show title for the
story of the Republican Florida State Legislator who offered an
undercover cop $20 to let him give him a blowjob. He said it was
because he was afraid of the black men in the restroom. Jon Stewart:
"So he thinks they won't hit him if he has a c**k in his mouth?" John
Oliver provided better excuses: "I have tonsillitis and thought that
man's penis was a flashlight. I'm bulimic but don't like to put my
finger down my throat. I have a terrible lip condition that can only be
cured by contact with another man's penis. I had a headache and thought
I saw an Advil on another man's penis."
Jay Leno on the rat problem in the Angels' stadium: "This is
baseball's worst problem with rats since Jose Conseco." "In South
Dakota a man was arrested for having sex with a traffic sign. When are
men going to learn that stop means stop?" "James Brown fathered two
more children. I knew they should have had a closed casket funeral."
Wednesday Night, August 8
Jay Leno: "Elizabeth Edwards is speaking out again. She says the
problem with her husband’s fundraising campaign is she can’t make him
black, and she can’t make him a woman. That’s the same problem with
Michael Jackson’s people."
Conan O'Brien: "Last night President Bush did not call Barry Bonds
after he broke Hank Aaron’s homerun record, but today, Bush decided to
make the call. Bush said, 'I realized I had a rare opportunity to talk
to the only guy in the country who is less popular than I am.'” "A
couple in Arkansas had their 17th child. Afterwards, the other 16 kids
threw their dad a 'We get it — you’re not gay' party."
Craig Ferguson: "It’s a great day for Barry Bonds. He finally broke the
homerun record. He celebrated last night with an expensive bottle of
champagne which he injected into his ass."
"Not such a great day for Donald Trump. His casinos are losing money.
How does a casino lose money? It goes against the laws of physics. Then
again, so does that thing on his head."
Jimmy Kimmel: (after Barry Bonds broke the home run record: "If you
live in San Francisco there's never been a better time to buy a used
kayak." " Floods in New Jersey . . . they think there may have been a
tornado in New York . . . it’s like Christmas for Al Gore." "It was
a very big night for the very bigheaded Barry Bonds. He has the
all-time record for career homeruns. There was big skirmish in the
bleachers for the ball. Collectors say it’s worth somewhere between
$300,000 and $500,000, which is actually a lot less than some other
baseballs. Some baseballs have actually fetched millions of dollars so
I guess taking steroids really does shrink the value of your balls."
Thursday Night, August 9
Jay Leno: "A Catholic priest has been arrested for jogging naked around
a high school track. Luckily the altar boy got away." Jay mentioned
that Wednesday was International Orgasm Day, and guest David Duchovny
said Tuesday was International Premature Ejaculation Day. David
told how he was Heimliching a man he thought was choking until the guy
gasped, "I'm having a heart attack."
Craig Ferguson: "Smokey the Bear turns 47 today. I never trusted
Smokey the Bear. Kids, if you see a bear wearing a ranger’s hat, it’s
because the bear ate the ranger!"
Friday Night, August 10
Jay Leno: "The head of the Young Republicans was arrested for trying
to have sex with a sleeping man. See, the Democrats talk, but the
Republicans are out there doing gay things."
Conan O'Brien: "In a new interview, Angelina Jolie said that to prove
her commitment to Brad Pitt, she’s decided to give up sleeping with
women. When he heard this, Brad Pitt said, 'Dear God what have I done?'”
Monday, August 13
(Everyone was on vacation for the week except Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Craig Ferguson.)
The Daily Show title for Rove resigning was "Dude, Where's My Karl?"
Craig Ferguson: "I don't like to spend a lot of time in a shoe store. Two pumps and I'm out. You laugh. Well, it seems that you don't." "Vikings started the tradition of blaming your farts on the dog." "We don't dye our food in Scotland. You can die of it ..."
Tuesday, August 14
Jon Stewart on Karl Rove's resignation: "And Cheney's never of much use in the summer. It's his egg-laying season." "The Democratic candidates debated on Logo, the gay cable channel that is not Lifetime or Bravo."
Wednesday, August 15
Jon Stewart: "Laura Bush met the new Predident of France wearing a cone bra. The new President said, 'Ah, those must be the famous Bush twins.'"
Stephen Colbert learns his ancestry is 3/4 Jewish so he had 3/4 of a circumcision, "and it was 75% more painful than you can believe."
Craig Ferguson: "Suri Cruise, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter, has landed a modeling contract for Baby Gap. She beat out a lot of other pint size hopefuls including her father."
Thursday, August 16
The Daily Show title of the segment on lead in Chinese toys: "The Great Recall of China." John Oliver: "The Chinese are raking in money hand over stump." Jon Stewart reported on Democratic candidates doing a day's work at various trades in order to get endorsed by unions: "Meanwhile, Joe Biden was endorsed by the International Brotherhood of Horse Testicle Cradlers." Guest John McCain: "As Chairman Mao said, 'It's always darkest before it gets completely black.'"
Craig Ferguson: "It’s a great day for
Russia. They’re giving everyone a day off next month to procreate. I
wish I could have a day off to procreate. I could have sex and still
have 23 hours and 58 minutes to do whatever I feel like! It's
interesting the day the Russians picked to take off to procreate is
Wednesday, hump day!" "Today is a very special day in the world of show
business. It’s the Material Girl’s birthday. She turns 49 today. That’s
right — Elton John, 49 today. No, it's Madonna. Madonna gives millions
to charity, done lots of benefits, gives a lot of money away .. . Her
greatest gift, of course, to mankind — she’s promised never to do
another movie. Madonna is 49, but the cones in her bra are as perky as
ever. Who else started out at the same time? Whitney Houston?
Beethoven? Whitney did crack, Madonna showed hers. Remember her Sex
book? It was a pop-up, at least for me."
Friday Evening, August 17
Craig Ferguson: "Karl Rove is resigning now so he has plenty of time
to steal Christmas."
Monday Evening, August 20
Jon Stewart: "Michael Vick is going to prison merely because he made
dogs fight to the death for his entertainment. Oddly enough, in the
prison where he's going ..." "Hugo Chavez railed for two hours
against everything America— except High School Musical 2." The
Daily
Show sent Rob Riggle to Iraq for the week in Operation Silent
Thunder. Rob: "It's hell here, but it's a dry hell."
Dave Letterman: "Did you see the Democratic debates? The loser of the
debate was taken out back and drowned by Michael Vick." "Jenna Bush's
wedding is going to be expensive. The $3 billion contract has gone to
Haliburton. George W. is going to loan them the 'Mission
Accomplished' banner to put up in the bedroom." Bandleader Paul Shaffer
on Merv Griffin's death: "Merv always said he was a quadrasexual. He'd
do anything with anybody for a quarter."
Craig Ferguson: "Steven Segal is blaming the FBI for ruining his movie
career. He said he’s not getting the movie roles that he wants because
of a false FBI investigation. The FBI issued a response and said, 'It
is our job to stop people from making bombs.'” Craig said he was
checking into a hotel when he was startled by a cute young man grabbing
his bags. "Turned out he was just a bellboy, but that night he became a
bellman."
Tuesday Night, August 21
The Daily Show's trip to Iraq changed from Operation Silent
Thunder to Operation Fluffy Bunny. Next night it changed to Operation
Kick-Ass. Jon Stewart asked, "What happened to Operation Fluffy Bunny?"
Rob Riggle: "Don't ask, don't tell."
Dave Letterman: "Michael Vick faces a year and a half in prison. But I
was thinking, shouldn’t that be a year and a half times seven? Vick
said the dog fights weren't any worse than what you see on The View."
Wednesday Night, August 22
Dave Letterman: "They say Michael Vick went through more dogs than Bill
Clinton." "A 90-year-old man has become a father. I’m lucky at my
age if I can get the cap off the Viagra. Anyway, nice going, Regis."
Craig Ferguson: "Cats can only remember for ten minutes. Ten minutes
after you die, your cat will forget who it's eating."
Thursday Night, August 23
The Daily Show in Iraq changed to Operation Cameltoe.
Dave Letterman: "According to a new study, people are sexually active
well into their 80s. First I say, 'Arrrgh!' Secondly, I would say, 'God
bless Cher.' Sex in my 80s. Gosh, I wonder what that's going to cost
me." "Michael Vick will be put in a cell and told to 'stay.'"
Top Ten Senior Citizen Pick-Up Lines 5. "Excuse me while I slip into
something orthopedic"
Craig Ferguson: "There’s a new study that says people can retain an
active sex life well into their 80s. Good news for Ashton Kutcher."
Friday, August 24
Joel McHale on The Soup: "Lindsay Lohan wanted to do her
community service at Hyde nightclub cleaning tables with her nose."
"Ryan Seacrest will host the Emmys. So at least one person on this
network will get to touch one."
Dave Letterman: "Regis Philbin just turned 76. He's actually 91, but he
doesn't count the 15 years with Kathy Lee. He's so old his first
co-host was Eve." "When Jesus ate raw fish he'd turn water into
sake." Guest Jim McDonald: "My grandparents always complain there's
too much sex on TV. And they had 17 kids."
Monday, August 27
Jay Leno: "Nicole Ritchie was released from jail in 82 minutes because
of overcrowding. How crowded is prison if you can't fit Nicole
Ritchie in?" "Chinese toys now come in leaded and unleaded."
Dave Letterman: "Alberto Gonzales is stepping down; he can't recall
why. He's being replaced by Drew Carey." "My favorite part of the
Little League World Series was the camera focusing on the players'
wives." Headlines: Menu: "Ham & Swill on wheat." Ad: "Make
bedwetting easy." Menu: "Topped with out house sauce." Classified
for rent: "Share with 2.5 gay men." "Need female models—cute, hairy
or pregnant." "Jen the Housecleaner has 2 openings."
Conan O'Brien: "They're remaking The Wizard of Oz. Why mess
with something that's already perfectly gay?" "When Gonzales gave him
the news, Bush nodded. Then as soon as Albert left he looked up the
word 'resigned.'" "I wonder if Michael Vick will be forced to have sex
with his new cellmate doggy style." "A Jack in the Box went bankrupt
when customers learned that Jack was a verb."
Craig Ferguson: "Usually when you get an implant in your mouth it's
a good thing."
Tuesday, August 28
Jay Leno: "Senator Craig said his arrest was all a mistake. When he
went to the men's room he accidentally grabbed the wrong penis. He'd
already called his wife and told her not to hold dinner. He'd wolf down
a hot dog at the airport." "The Vatican is starting its own airline.
The bad news? Kids fly free." "Britney was arrested for speeding—going
nowhere fast."
Conan O'Brien: "Lisa Nowak, the astronaut who put on a diaper and then
drove cross-country to kidnap another astronaut's girlfriend, has
announced that she's going to plead insanity. When they heard that, the
jury said: 'Please — you had us at "diaper."’"
Producers in Hollywood are working on a remake of the classic Wizard
of
Oz, and they say it will be much darker than the original.
Apparently, in the remake, Toto isn't chased by the Wicked Witch of the
West; he's chased by Michael Vick."
Jimmy Kimmel: "Conservative Sen. Larry Craig pled guilty to playing
footsie with an undercover police officer in the men’s room at the
Minneapolis airport. The police report says he tapped his foot,
which means 'I want gay sex.' It also means I’ll never wear my iPod to
the bathroom again. Oh, and have you seen the new show Dateline's
To Catch a Senator?"
Wednesday, August 29
Jay Leno: "I’d like to say I’m not gay, I just have a wide stance. A
lot of people are now calling Sen. Larry Craig a hypocrite, because he
was a very vocal opponent of same sex marriages. But to be fair, he has
never publicly come out against anonymous gay bathroom sex. Senator
Craig blamed the whole thing on Restless Third Leg Syndrome." "This
has to be embarrassing for Republicans. All these gay scandals and they
still can’t get any support from Hollywood."
Guest Jeff Foxworthy: "Make sure your shorts are longer than your
underwear. When we look over at Uncle Joe, we don't want to see
anything that looks like baby birds."
Dave Letterman: "Here’s what’s going to happen: Leona Helmsley’s dog
is going to use that $12 million to organize fights between NFL
players."
Jimmy Kimmel: "Leona Helmsley left $12 million to her dog. Today, Larry
Birkhead claimed to be the father of that dog."
Thursday, August 30
Jay Leno: "Senator Craig says he is gay, but he never
inhaled."
Dave Letterman: "
"It’s our 14th anniversary here at CBS. Fourteen years . . . I’m just
another dumbguy without an exit strategy."
San Francisco Daily horoscope: "If life gives you gators, make
Gatorade."
Conan O'Brien: "Gay groups are calling Craig a hypocrite because Craig
is a staunch opponent of gay marriage. Craig denied he’s a
hypocrite, saying, 'Hey, I wasn’t trying to marry the cop in the
bathroom . . .'”
Friday, August 31
Dave Letterman: "Labor Day is when we honor our work force. Shouldn't
it be held in China?" "A person is high faluting if their faluting
count is over 170."
Jay Leno: "Senator Craig's wife should have known. During sex he'd
accidentally call her Anonymous Stranger in the Next Stall."
Click here to design a seal such as the one above for yourself for free. This particular design is called a "blivet." I call it a tuning fork for going "om."
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Here are Amazon.com's Current Top Gay Books.
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These are Amazon.com's Top Stand-Up Comic DVDs
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Kindle
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