Castro Photos, Late-Night TV Zingers & Funny Pictures
by Strange de Jim
Here's the side of Pottery Barn.
I'm on Castro, just above Market.
Here's the Harvey Milk Plaza
flag, and the top of the Castro Theatre peeking over the Diesel store.
(l to r) Yours truly, Brownstone,
Culpepper and Newmeyer at Harvey's August 4.
Late Night Funnies
[Prince split with his wife] Jay Leno: "Prince was seen removing his possessions from the house formerly known as his."
Jon Stewart on Fidel Castro: "I'm only in my 40s, but I'm wondering who will dance in the streets when I'm old and ill." Rob Corddrey: "Two more weeks and he would have gotten Communism to work."
Jon Stewart: "Mel Gibson checked into the Betty Ford Clinic for alcoholism and the Henry Ford Clinic for anti-Semitism."
Jay Leno: "Pam Anderson [who just married Kid Rock] differs from Michael Jackson in that he thinks marrying a kid rocks. ... Fidel transferred power to his brother Jeb Castro. ... the American Tour de France winner had more testosterone in him than could have been produced by his body. So does George Michael. ... The other members of 'N Sync say they knew Lance Bass was gay. He had an 'N Sync poster on his wall."
Craig Ferguson on Mel Gibson: "I haven't had so much fun since Cheney shot that lawyer."
Jay Leno: "Fidel Castro still wearing army fatigues is like Bill Clinton still wearing his wedding ring. ... The President had his annual physical. He's in excellent health from the neck down. ... Condi Rice is busy shuttling between Israel and Mel Gibson's house. Mel's arrest was featured on Goys Gone Wild. ... A man was arrested for being completely nude on the street, waving Old Glory. He also had an American flag."
Jimmy Kimmel on MTV turning 25: "MTV is now so old it's watching VH1."
Jay Leno: "Mel Gibson was arraigned for having an open container and a closed mind."
Conan O'Brien: "A woman actually called the police to complain that her husband wouldn't have sex with her. The police said, 'Sorry, Star Jones.'"
Pictures from a site called Bits and Pieces. (Click to visit it.)
When my friend Andrea Jacobson
saw the above welcome mat, she sent me a design she did for her own
If you need graphics work, or
want to produce the mat above, she's your artist.
More Late Night Zingers
Joel McHale of The Soup (Friday, 10 p.m. on E!) had a bunch of good ones Aug. 4.
[Mel Gibson had been arrested for drunk driving and making anti-Semitic comments.] "Disney canceled their partnership with Mel Gibson on a Holocaust film due to a disagreement over whether there should be a laugh track."
[The president of Lindsay Lohan's studio sent her a nasty letter]. "That letter leaked like a mother of triplets breast feeding."
At the wedding of Kid Rock and Pam Anderson, instead of a bouquet the bridesmaids caught crabs.
Paul Mc Cartney complained that his wife Heather Mills had been rude to the staff. "To be fair, they did hide her leg on her."
"Mel Gibson's new movie is Jews on a Plane."
Bill Maher on Jay Leno about Mel Gibson: "If you're going to hate Jews and drive ..."
Conan O'Brien: "Paris Hilton says she's only had sex with two men in her whole life. All the other times it was three men."
Back to de Castro
Sunday August 6 I was struck by
this Art Deco gem on 17th and Ord.
Now we're on Upper Terrace.
Deki Jewels, a Tibetan shop, has
opened on 18th Street and Collingwood.
It's a great shop.
In the center is "The Mac Guy"
from the Macintosh TV ads.
He appeared on Jay Leno and
turned out to be a fun actor named Justin Long. Here he is in an
Jason Jones on The Daily Show regarding President Bush reading The Stranger by Albert Camus while on vacation: "He's obsessing about ninth grade, because, well, he was popular back then."
"Bush toured a motorcycle factory and mounted a Harley. The last President to mount a Hog was impeached."
"Pluto has lost its status as a planet, but says it'll run as an independent."
"Joan Rivers says she's going to do a gay version of The View. Isn't that Regis?"
Dave had snakes on a pizza delivered to newlyweds in the audience."
Orange tree and Asqew Grill, 16th
A public garden at Clayton and
Rumi's Art Exhibit and Show
It's running through August 27,
with different performers every Saturday and Sunday. For info call
415-255-1155 or e-mail email@example.com.
Saturday, August 19, I gave a
powerpoint slide presentation on my photo history, San Francisco's
Castro, at Rumi Missabu's art and performance show "The Market of
Vain Desires" at the Center for Sex and Culture, 398 11th Street at
It's running through August 27, with different performers every Saturday and Sunday. For info call 415-255-1155 or e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.
Here are a few friends at the
show. Rumi is fourth from the left.
Below is some of the art in the show. Contact Rumi at email@example.com if you're interested in purchasing. Forgive the shots that are blurry.
Trog at Theatre Rhino
That same night my friend Martin
and I went to the opening of Trog at Theatre Rhino. Here's
producer Steve Murray in the lobby after the show, pouring champagne
and making sure the icing on the cake is perfect.
A good time was had by all,
especially me. It runs through September 23. Call the box office at
415-861-5079 or go to www.therhino.org.
Stars Heklina and Matthew Martin
cut the cake. They play Joan Crawford and her daughter. Joan plays a
scientist, and in a cage in the basement they have Trog, a troglodyte
frozen in the Ice Age and brought back to life by the sheer force of
Joan's personality and Pepsi. Luckily Trog is an amiable young caveman
with the skills of a circus performer. The best lines from all Joan's
movies spring back to life in the script, especially the ones from Mommie
A good time was had by all, especially me. It runs through September 23. Call the box office at 415-861-5079 or go to www.therhino.org.
Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner
Most of it was too gross for this chaste journal, but ...
Betty White to host Jason Alexander: I'm pleasantly surprised. I thought you'd be dreadful, just based on everything you've ever done ... We know Shatner's nuts, but George [Takei who played Sulu and in real life recently came out] has actually had them in his mouth ... I caught the bouquet at Bill Shatner's wedding, and I hope I catch the cock ring at Sulu's."
Jeffrey Ross to Jason Alexander: "I did love you in March of the Penguins." To William Shatner: "You have let yourself boldly go ... I wish just once the Enterprise had landed on a planet with an acting school ... Betty White just Shatner pants ... Andy Dick's ambition is to give AIDS back to the monkeys."
Sandra Bullock, who appeared with Shatner in Miss Congeniality: "I hate to make fun of the elderly and incontinent, but Bill would come up behind me on the set and cup my buttocks with his hands. He thought I was Sulu."
Patton Oswalt held out a paper bag to Shatner and asked, "Here. Could you act your way out of this?"
George Takei, commenting on the ladies on the dais: "It smells like pussy in here. I think." Then he scolded Shatner for always mispronouncing his name. "It's 'Takei,' like in 'toupee.'"
Jimmy Kimmel in a clip with his girlfriend Sarah Silverman: "We would have been there with you tonight. Unfortunately, we got our tickets on Priceline.com [for which Shatner is spokesperson]."
William Shatner: "Star Trek really took chances. We let an Asian man drive, and let a black woman sit in front of a large screen and hoped she wouldn't yell at it."
Quotes from Pyramids by Terry Pratchett
She went for a moonlight swim in what
turned out to be a crocodile.
He could send for Ptraci, his favorite handmaiden. She was special. Her singing always cheered him up. Life seemed so much brighter when she stopped.
Dios, First Minister and high priest
among high priests, wasn't a naturally religious man. It wasn't a
desirable quality in a high priest, it affected your judgment, made you
unsound. Start believing in things and the whole business became
"Have you been a priest long, Dios?"
"Many years, sire, man and eunuch."
His gaze slid up the gray-clad arm to Dios's face. Ye gods, he thought, it's really true. He does look like they got tired of waiting for him to die and pickled him anyway. Then his eyes met those of the priest, more or less with a clang.
Dios floated past his vision, explaining that as a result of an edict passed several thousand years ago it was essential that he marry a cat.
Teppic stared at him and thought, I am a stranger in a familiar land.
He looked from the face of one worried farmer to the other. They were both clutching their ragged straw hats close to their chests, and both of them wore the paralyzed wooden expressions of simple men who, in pursuit of their parochial disagreement, now found themselves on a marble floor in a great room with their god enthroned before their very eyes. Teppic didn't doubt that either one would cheerfully give up all rights to the wretched ox in exchange for being ten miles away.
He didn't know what she had done, but judging by the thumps she was landing on the guards, it was a pretty good bet that she had done it to the very limits of her ability.
More time wound onto the spool of eternity and then the silence beyond the cell, which had been the silence caused by absence of sound, very slowly became the silence caused by someone making no noise.
"I dropped a rock on my foot. Now my tongue is to be torn out."
The dark figure nodded sympathetically. "A priest heard you, did he?" he said.
"No. I told a priest. Such words should not go unpunished," said the man virtuously.
We're really good at it, Teppic thought. Mere animals couldn't possibly manage to act like this. You need to be a human being to be really stupid.
She stood on tiptoe, her ankle bangles jingling all the way down Teppic's libido.
This is a gross slander. Throughout the history of the Disc most high priests have been serious, pious and conscientious men who have done their best to interpret the wishes of the gods, sometimes disemboweling or flaying alive hundreds of people in a day in order to make sure they're getting it absolutely right.
"How many men have stopped drinking themselves stupid at the age of twenty to save a stranger dying of liver failure at forty?"
By the way, contrary to popular opinion pyramids don't sharpen razor blades. They just take them back to when they weren't blunt. It's probably because of quantum.
"The trouble with you, Ibid," he said, "is that you think you're the biggest bloody authority on everything."
No one is more worried by the actual physical manifestation of a god than his priests. It's like having the auditors in unexpectedly.
"Fetch him a glass of water."
"Put a paper bag over his head."
"Sacrifice a chicken under his nose."
But at least the gods had gone back to not existing again, which made it a whole lot easier to believe in them.
"You've done a good job, Master Dil, she said, but I'm going to drag this country kicking and screaming into the Century of the Fruitbat."
"Cobra," said Gern.
"It's the Century of the Cobra. Not the Fruitbat."
"Whatever," said Dill irritably. He stared miserably into his mug. That was the trouble now, he reflected. You had to start remembering what century it was.
"You can learn a lot by not listening to what he has to say. You can go a long way with incompetent advisers."
More Pictures from Bits and Pieces. (Click to visit it.)
Pictures below from Neatorama.com
The amazing Gregg Slapak sent me a photo
of the most popular guy in prison.
More Late Night Zingers
Conan O'Brien says he knows nothing about computers. "I have an abacus at home for watching porn."
Dave Letterman says, "Now Pluto is no longer a planet it will be mounted on a ring and given to Mrs. Kobe Bryant. It was just too small, which is the same excuse Paramount gave for firing Tom Cruise."
Jay Leno on tropical storm Ernesto says hurricanes with Spanish names have a better chance of making it into the country and that Pluto was actually banished from the planetary system for drinking and making anti-Semitic remarks. He showed a headline: "Premature Ejaculation Drug Waits in the Pipeline."
Dave Letterman said that on the Emmys Larry David wanted a tribute to the people who should have died this year.
And you can get cheerleaders to unzip their jackets to reveal your message at www.supporterscheerup.com.
Here's my roomie's friend Bert
wearing a tee that says, "Serving the men who serve the nation."
Unfortunately, the letters are small and barely show up, even when I
make the contrast weird. Oh well, on to September.
Click on the icon below to see San Francisco's Castro on Amazon.com
If you're a real adventurer you may also want to try The Strange Experience and learn why a hundred cuties, including these,
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