Fallon 5, Kimmel 4, Ferguson 4,
Letterman 4, O'Brien
1, Handler 1
1 Strangie to Jimmy Fallon: TLC will start airing new
episodes of "Kate Plus 8" starting this Monday. And they're going to
keep airing them until Khadafy agrees to step down.
Monday, April 4 Strangie to Jimmy
Kimmel: No one turns lemons into lemonphetamines like Charlie Sheen.
Tuesday, April 5 Strangie to David
Letterman: Last night on "Dancing with
the Stars" Kirstie Alley fell. How many of you felt it? That joke's
just awful, isn't it?
Wednesday, April 6 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon: Bristol Palin was paid
$260,000 in 2009 for her work with abstinence awareness. You know what
they say: Those who can't do, teach.
Thursday, April 7 Strangie to
Jimmy Fallon: President Obama revealed that
until a few years ago he was still paying off student loans. In
response, China was like, "Oh, you DO know how to repay loans."
Friday, April 8 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon: Paris Hilton is being sued by a jewelry store for not returning
$60,000-worth of jewels they lohanned her.
Monday, April 11 Strangie to Jimmy
Kimmel: I'm not going to pay taxes.
When they say I'm going to prison, I'll say no, prisons cost taxpayers
a lot of money. You keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and
we'll call it even.
Tuesday, April 12 Strangie to Jay
Leno: An Applebee's in Michigan served a
15-month-old kid a margarita in a sippy cup. A 15-month-old kid. How
good was that fake i.d.?
Wednesday, April 13 Strangie to Craig
Thursday, April 14 Strangie to Conan
O'Brien: President Obama is slated to
appear on one of Oprah's last shows. He's hoping it's the one on which
she gives away 14 trillion dollars.
Friday, April 15 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson: A study found 1 in 3 Americans lives near a nuclear
power plant. And the other 2 live near a Kardashian. So we're all at
risk of exposure to dangerous seepage.
Monday, April 18 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson: We're on opposite each
other, so Jimmy Fallon and I are supposed to be enemies. It's like
Romeo & Juliet. Our love is forbidden. And our wives have a problem
Tuesday, April 19 Strangie to Jimmy
Kimmel: Trump also said he'd show his
tax returns if Obama shows his birth certificate, which is probably the
first you-show-me-yours-and-I'll-show-you-mine in a Presidential
campaign since, well, Clinton probably.
Wednesday, April 20 Strangie to Conan
it costs $599, or $799 for the
more expensive model. Already ordered one? Get ready for the iDea 2."]
Thursday, April 21 Strangie to Jimmy
Kimmel: More than a hundred tornadoes
in the South this week. I think God is sending a message. When hot air
from the Gulf of Mexico meets cooler air masses from the north it
results in extreme weather conditions.
Friday, April 22 Strangie to Craig
Ferguson: I'm from Scotland, where passive-aggressive means romance.
Monday, April 25 Strangie to Jimmy
Fallon: A study found Americans spend
$1.2 trillion every year on stuff they don't need. Or as Republicans
call it, health care.
Tuesday, April 26 Strangie to David
Letterman: Lindsay Lohan is going to
jail for 120 days and then has to do 400 hours of community service in
the morgue. While in the morgue she's planning on visiting her career.
Wednesday, April 27 Strangie to David
to be tighter than
the Queen's ass.
Thursday, April 28 Strangie to Chelsea
flown in from around the world for his baby. I don't know why
Elton's breast milk isn't good enough.
Friday, April 29 Strangie to David
Letterman: Donald Trump says if he's elected President he'll be making
the United States sign a prenup.